Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi yesterday. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on August 12, 2017 at 3:35pm
Steve that was a lovely post...Marsha thank you too..and BEard...usually I am -
ANAL about homonyms, but that one slipped by me. This is a quick post, as I am having a bad Epstein Barr episode...BOB sister has colon cancer, and between that tornado, and her getting through her operation has made me a basket case for awhile. So I am gonna go have some ice cream and take a nap.
Comment by Marsha H on August 12, 2017 at 2:50pm

Dear Steve ...

I know exactly how you feel about waiting.  Shortly after Ernie passed away I had to go for tests for a health issue and then did have surgery shortly after.  It is certainly the waiting that makes one a train wreck, but when the day came for surgery I was oddly calm.  Now it's 6 1/2 years since Ernie passed away and with the bumpy ride of grief and things just not falling into place for most of us I find that nothing much ruffles my feathers anymore.  I have an attitude of 'oh well, let it be.'  LOL  I know you'll be just fine big brother.



Comment by Steve on August 12, 2017 at 2:28pm

Always happy to hear from my sis Marsha,

The nerve test will determine my fate as far as surgery goes, it's the waiting that is almost as painful as everything else.  No matter what the outcome, I am certain that I will get through anything this old world can cause me to stumble, I will get back up, dust myself off and keep on truck' the phrase goes...who knows what the future holds?  


Comment by Marsha H on August 12, 2017 at 2:01pm

Dear brother Steve ...

I hope I'm not interrupting your post to Mary.  What you said about the storms is so true.  Faith and knowing our loving spouses are with us gets us through it as both faith and our spouses have gotten us through to this point in time.  Thankfully living just outside of Vancouver, B.C., we seldom get storms (perhaps the odd wind storm) and I'm thankful for that.

I am so very sorry to hear you need surgery and I pray everything goes well for you.  You are a pip my friend and when some of us falter you are always there calm and encouraging to get us through the day.


Your sis Marsha

Comment by Steve on August 12, 2017 at 9:49am

Mary Jane,

Tornado’s are scary, I had such an encounter in Jacksonville, Florida and they are nothing to take lightly.  Living in Dallas Mark and I faced a lot of scary evenings, we lived close to downtown Dallas and when the storm sirens would go off it was unsettling.  The year after Mark passed Bella and I were watching the weather alerts on TV and we were sitting in the path of a super cell that was dumping hail and high winds and we were under a tornado warning.  Bella was acting upset by all the noise and probably by me, so I went to far side of the apartment called her over and there we sat.  I remembered something Mark said once when we were under similar circumstances, don’t worry, we will be OK, look at how many storms we have endured, we can handle anything.  After remembering his calming statement, I felt different and somehow knew that all the alarm was for naught, Bella was back to herself and so was I, minutes later, the weather station said that the storm had dispersed and all wind and rain had stopped.  I think back now and think not how lucky we were, but just how much a little faith can accomplish when we need it the most.  Mark always was the calm one and always saw the sunny side of every situation we were in, he still reminds me when I am faced with things I feel are overwhelming me.

So please do not be afraid, try to stay calm, it is my belief that our Father and our spouses are always with us, we just have to reach out and have a little faith that we are here for a purpose, this one thought keeps me going.  The past few months have been trying my patience and testing my faith, I have carpal tunnel and trigger finger in tree fingers.  Have endured 4 cortisone shots with little relief, now I am scheduled for nerve damage testing and have to wait till September for the appointment.  This test will determine if I will have to have surgery or if there is something else going on.  So, I wear my stints and do my finger exercises while keeping my wrist immobile.  On a positive note I am learning how to use my left hand for the most trivial tasks and on days like today I can type using both hands, this too shall pass.  

Life in general is good, life as we knew it has changed and we have all changed, having Legacy is our lifeline to our new life and I for one have no intention of leaving Legacy for Facebook, even closed groups on FB can be compromised by one person sharing something with just one person not in the group to allow them to see all.  Legacy could be compromised as well, however, it is not as open a source as the Facebook world, so thanks, but no thanks.  I just hope the powers to be read our responses and not change something that is working.  They should remember this, if it is not broken, then do not fix it….Ok, off my soap box, take care Mary Jane, you and everyone on here are in my thoughts and prayers each day.  Love to all, Steve

Comment by Marsha H on August 12, 2017 at 4:14am

Mary ...  I'm with you and not comfortable with Facebook.  Our grief is our deepest fears and sadness mixed in with feeling so comfortable on this forum.  Some of my friends who do go on Facebook said it's not as private as one thinks.  It's not paranoia, but what I say on my posts are for those members here and no one else.

I'm not laughing about our privacy being taken away more and more and it's going on right now.  Technology is going to do us in.  I'm a private person as I'm sure many people here are and discussing how one feels is because we trust each other.  Why fix it if it's not broken.  I found Legacy just fine by Googling. 

Comment by Chicago Beard on August 11, 2017 at 10:40pm

Mary Jane

I am on Facebook all the time. My band has a Facebook page, etc. I will probably look at and join the Facebook page but this site will still be my anchor.

What secret do you have about your principal? (Teasing you. I know you meant principle).

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 11, 2017 at 7:58pm
P.S. I don,t have any secrets AT ALL! It's just the principal. Lol
Comment by Mary. Jane on August 11, 2017 at 7:56pm
We're expecting storms all the rest of this week, and some next.
Ok, BTW, I am sure u all know Legacy is going to create a Facebook page. Hopefully this site will still be the same. How do all of you feel about being on Facebook? I sure hope they don,t change THIS site. I am not comfortable in general with Facebook, and rarely go there. Yes, I know it will be a closed group...but I am a child of the 60s and paranoid. Lol. Facebook is the governments DREAM! I fear that anything anyone posts on there goes directly to some secret place, where a file is kept on all of us. Ok, you can stop laughing now. Hahahaha.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 7, 2017 at 7:16pm

Dear Mary Jane,

I too don't blame you for wanting to get away from the potential for such devastating storms - as Marsha says, there seems to be such a change in weather patterns, and in my area the potential for flooding has increased dramatically, even being nowhere near the ocean or any lakes.

My father told me something when I was a child I have never forgotten. We were watching "The Wizard Of Oz" on TV (black&white back then) and I said I would love to see a real tornado up close. He got very serious and said "Believe me, you never want to be anywhere near a real tornado because they are unpredictable, scary, and can kill you." The look on his face scared me more than his words...I guess he had been close enough to one when growing up in the west that it convinced him to move East!

I also agree that is it a wonderful miracle that the animals were spared - truly a Divine intervention! Be safe, and keep watching the skies...




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