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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi yesterday. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on August 7, 2017 at 4:29am

Mary.Jane ...  That's one horrific storm and thank God, we don't get tornados in British Columbia (yet.)  The weather all over the world seems to be strange.  We have a lot of forest fires going on in the Interior of B.C. and people are being evacuated to other towns.  Many will lose their homes and can't afford fire insurance. 

It is a miracle that dog grooming place in the mall was untouched and I too believe God performs miracles.  I don't blame you for wanting to get out of Dodge.

Be care, praying for you tonight.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 6, 2017 at 10:34pm
This has nothing to do with any posts here tonight, but Tulsa made headlines, as we had a tornado last night that wiped out an entire huge shopping mall, Macy's, Fridays restaurant, all the usual mall stuff..and surrounded hotels and restaurants needless to say, I am terrified and afraid to go to bed tonight, as a second one hit down yesterday 10 blocks from where I live, but only fences and tress were down in that one...but there is a VERY cool thing...one of the businesses in the mall was a dog grooming, boarding place...which had a number of dogs boarded..(this was at 1:30 am) and everything around this business was destroyed EXCEPT the dog grooming place, and all the animals we untouched and unharmed. Makes you believe in a higher powered doesn,t it. Also, no one was killed, just minor injuries. First time a tornado hit in August since 1958. I can,t wait to get the hell outa here.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 4, 2017 at 11:14am

Dear Trina,

For you and Joseph today...

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M5YeZIg71U

Love and prayers always,

Chuck

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 3, 2017 at 2:21pm

Trina.....I wish I could give you a big hug.  I also wish I could say something helpful but since I feel as you do, I can't say anything that I don't believe in for myself.   In fact, it helps me to see you post this as it makes me feel like I'm not the only one feeling this way.  For me, it's been 18.5 months since I lost my soul mate.  The way I view it, my life ended on 1/13/16 and my existence began.   Like you, I count down the days until I can be with Ken again.  I view him as my future as reuniting with him is my end game.  Until then, I just make the best of it by filling up the time with work and the occasional outing with friends.  I hope you'll find some help/hope in Marsha's post. 

Big hugs to you.

Sara

Comment by Marsha H on August 3, 2017 at 3:19am

Dearest Trina ...  Your post brought tears to my eyes, yet I have to tell you that even after 3 years this is part of grief (chapters like in a book.)  No one will ever replace your dear Joseph anymore than someone will replace my Ernie, but now, you are actually facing reality and even though it makes you feel emotionless, empty inside or interest in life and walking through your life like a ghost those are all normal feelings and I went through it and there are still times after 6 1/2 years I can have a few days of it again.  Believe it or not Trina, this is the very beginning of a turning point in your life and that's getting to know yourself all over again.  I figure out the puzzle to this and it's reaching back in time to who we were before we met our loving spouses.  We had emotions, found a little love, but not as deep as we had with our spouses, had fun with family and friends or coworkers.  We had purpose, youth and all was well with the world.  When Joseph and Ernie came into our world it was like meeting someone that we'd known all our lives and everything seemed so right and it was.  The most important thing to remember hon is the fact that Joseph and Ernie with all their wisdom, love, devotion, intelligence passed that onto us and instead of suppressing what we learned we need to carry that torch for them and enrich other's lives.  For now you will think there is no future for yourself, but please trust in me that there is.  I found working with others to help them as well as adopting deserted dogs out to better homes made me a better person.  I saw things in people that were so sad and even through the pain of losing Ernie, I found that there was so many people with many other problems almost in comparison and so I help where I can.  I get in touch with nature for a good reason and that is to remind me to relax, enjoy the wonders of nature and finds some peace in my life.  You are getting there Trina even though I'm sure you feel like giving up.  Never give up!

Take time out alone and be honest with yourself and ask yourself what Joseph would want you to do with your life and you will get an answer and then you have to work at it.  No, this Chapter in our lives is not an easy one, but it is attainable.  When your time comes and you meet Joseph I'm sure he will be very proud of you. 

Here is a big hug from me to you my dear friend.

Marsha

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 3, 2017 at 2:41am
Dear All,
For the past several months I haven't been posting much even though I read your posts regularly. Recently, there has been a change in me. It will be three years tomorrow, August 4th that the love of my life Joseph left this world. Now, instead of feeling the deep pain, I feel like a zombie, like a living dead. I no longer have/feel any strong feelings or emotions, I just feel empty inside, someone who lacks all interest in life, all desires and wishes. Not a person, really, only a ghost of my former self, a far echo of someone who I used to be when I had my wonderfully handsome, witty, generous, loving and giving, highly intelligent, and adoring husband by my side. What Joseph gave me and what I had with him is never to be attained again. I just go on living, surviving really, because there is not much I can do. I just count the days and years until the day I will see Joseph again and be reunited with him.
Wishing you all peace. -- Trina
Comment by Marsha H on August 1, 2017 at 3:26am

Mary.Jane ...  Thank you for the nice compliments and I do appreciate them.  All of you treat me so well so it's very easy to feel everyone's pain or any other problems they may having with making decisions in their lives.  I am helped more than you will ever know by ALL the posts on here and it keeps me glued together.

I hope and pray you are having more peaceful days.

Comment by DJ on July 31, 2017 at 12:28pm
Sandfly; my soulmate died 2014Feb, 11 months after diagnosis of brain cancer. I was still in a fog a year later, and perhaps rather dazed even now... I stumbled on a blog that describes the anticipation, with a thought on what one might do, and more ideas in its comments: https://www.secondfirsts.com/2014/05/dont-get-on-the-anniversary-tr...
I must admit that I wound up on that train the first year, but I've managed to avoid it since. I've focussed as best I can on remembering the happy moments - which are popping up a bit more often now than the dreadful ones. Lean on the angels here.
Comment by Mary. Jane on July 30, 2017 at 4:28pm
Umm,Marsha? I know they are just as happy to have a sister like you. You are always so supportive and kind and helpful. Sometimes I think you are like the Mom who helps hold us up...and this place wouldn't be the same without you, and your heartfelt advice and shared experiences. You GO girl!!
Comment by Marsha H on July 30, 2017 at 3:40am

Dear Chuck ...  You are too kind to me and I do appreciate your compliments, but it was a wonderful day I met you (then Steve) even though it was unfortunate to be on a grief forum.  Now I have 2 brothers who I hold dear to my heart

I have a new Sports Physiotherapist Anita who is awesome and my Sciatica is getting better all the time and yes, I'm back to talking to my plants helping them to grow in these uncertain weather patterns.

Take care my dear friend.

Love

Marsha

 

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