Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1346
Latest Conversations: 20 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on August 18, 2017 at 2:54pm

Welcome Russ ....  I am so sorry you have to join this grief forum, but thank heavens it's here.  You are on a special bereaved forum right now when you posted.  I have been on this forum since my husband passed in 2011 of pancreatic cancer and it really helped me get through the worst part of my grief.  The members here are terrific (angels) and you can say anything on a post that you feel without fear of judgment.  We basically are all in the same boat.  There are several men who also come onto the site. 

This is the forum you should be on to connect with many members and if you want particular friends on a private section of the forum look at the top of the page (in blue) and click onto 'Friends - invite.'  This will go to anyone you click on to ask if they want to be friends with you and no one thus far has declined.  If you click onto the name above a post it will take you to their private postings after you have been given permission to become friends.  This way if you connect with someone that you feel would understand your situation better you can exchange email address' or simply speak privately.

You will learn much from the members here.  Some have a lot of red tape to go through after a spouse has passed away and all of will offer help as well as get you through the rough spots as far as how difficult this may be for you.  Some have difficulties with family or friends understand our grief while others find special holidays or long weeks difficult to get through.  Many of us just release our tensions by leaving posts about what we are feeling on a given day.  I have learned many things here to help me in my grief.

Hope you keep posting and if you need further help just leave a post again and someone will answer you.  Generally there is always someone here to help.  I live in British Columbia, Canada so the time zone is different from the U.S.



Comment by Russ Macaluso on August 18, 2017 at 2:17pm

I have just found out about the Bereaved Spouses group. Is it just a matter, to participate, to sign on to "Legacy Connect"? ...and then click on Bereaved Spouse? Are there any personal meeting groups for bereaved spouses? Thanks for any direction...

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 17, 2017 at 1:35pm
Thanks,Micheal! Yes, they are a great group, and the POETRY of the lyrics to all their songs is amazing. Unfortunately, since they are so young, most of the lyrics relate to much younger people than myself, but the harmonies, and the upbeat style is awesome.
I am so happy you responded to my post about them. (Sadly I think the lead singer, Nate, went out on his own...cuz I haven,t heard anything new from them)
Comment by Michael Smith on August 17, 2017 at 6:48am

Mary Jane, 

I love that song. i would listen to it when I was feeling down even before Melanie passed. It is very up beat.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 16, 2017 at 11:11pm
I spent yesterday listening to music I had forgotten about,and that I really loved. There is a group named FUN, who's songs I LOVED, but hadn,t listened to since before Bob got sick. One of their songs is called Carry On, and I,d like to,share the chorus lyrics:

I,mean, honestly, what choice do we have?
Comment by Mary. Jane on August 16, 2017 at 11:03pm
STeve, I think I will have to print your post about tornadoes..I just read it again, and once more your words have given me comfort...than, and my friends Mr. WELLER and Ms Gingerale..but only a single shot...Direct TV is a waste of money, just when the storms are the heaviest, we loose satellite service. This is the 3rd storm in as many days..and all the weathermen say they have NEVER seen weather like this in August..maybe it has something to,do with the upcoming eclipse? Gods way of telling us humans to straighten up and stop worshiping the $$$$ and be kind to one another? Cuz I think we really need a kick in the a$$. I am writing now to try to not be so afraid..
So, thanks again, my friend.
Comment by Marsha H on August 16, 2017 at 3:34pm

Dear Chuck ...  I am so happy this link came to you at a good time.  It makes sense and makes us less doubtful as to where our lives are going.  You and Steve have also enhanced my life more than you will ever know.  Both of you will be in my life for a lifetime too.



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 15, 2017 at 6:23pm

Dear Marsha,

Thank you for that wonderful link! I don't know how you  it, but ever since I joined this family you have said or shared something that goes straight to my innermost feelings, and always at times I find myself needing to hear your message. You have come into my life for a reason...and as far as I am concerned for a lifetime as well. God Bless You.



Comment by Marsha H on August 15, 2017 at 5:23pm

Mary.Jane ...  You are lucky you are having dream and some of Bob.  I've only had a couple of Ernie. 

The searching dream I believe is that you are searching for her you use to be before you met Bob and that's where we have to go to reinvent our lives.  Bob fell in love with you when he first met you because of your personality and the kindness in your heart.  We have to reach back to our past in order to remember who we once were.

The dream you had of where you once worked is also taking you back in time as to what your personality was back then before meeting Bob.  These dreams help us to remember what our personality was like before the love of our lives came into the picture.  This helps us become stronger and forge into the future knowing we always had strength.  I believe these types of dreams are guiding you to make a life in the future.

I had to giggle about the joke Bob played on you.  I am a firm believer when they first pass and each person takes time to start heal from grief that our spouses are right there with us.  Sometimes we feel them around us throughout the day or we get a sign of something such as feathers, birds, coins, etc. to remind us they are close by.  Dreams often come to us about our spouse just to let us know they are really there for us to help us through the grief process.

Anyway, that's what I believe and in the 6 1/2 years since Ernie has gone the dreams, the feelings he is there and signs from him strengthened me.  Hope this helps solve your problems Mary.

Comment by Marsha H on August 15, 2017 at 5:14pm


I thought this youtube would explain many things to each of us.  You've more than likely read this one before, but it's so beautifully done 'Seasons.'  It helps to understand why sometimes we lose a loved one, some people stay for a short time, others stay for what we need in our lives and then they disappear and some will stay a lifetime with us.  From each one of these experiences each person we come in contact with leaves an 'imprint' on our lives.  Some experiences may be sad and hurt us, but we learn from that and make us better people for it.  We pass on our knowledge from what we've learned.  Hope this youtube helps to bring some peace to all of you.

Much love to all



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