Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 1 hour ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Marsha H 8 hours ago. 21 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Michael Smith on August 17, 2017 at 6:48am

Mary Jane, 

I love that song. i would listen to it when I was feeling down even before Melanie passed. It is very up beat.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 16, 2017 at 11:11pm
I spent yesterday listening to music I had forgotten about,and that I really loved. There is a group named FUN, who's songs I LOVED, but hadn,t listened to since before Bob got sick. One of their songs is called Carry On, and I,d like to,share the chorus lyrics:

I,mean, honestly, what choice do we have?
Comment by Mary. Jane on August 16, 2017 at 11:03pm
STeve, I think I will have to print your post about tornadoes..I just read it again, and once more your words have given me comfort...than, and my friends Mr. WELLER and Ms Gingerale..but only a single shot...Direct TV is a waste of money, just when the storms are the heaviest, we loose satellite service. This is the 3rd storm in as many days..and all the weathermen say they have NEVER seen weather like this in August..maybe it has something to,do with the upcoming eclipse? Gods way of telling us humans to straighten up and stop worshiping the $$$$ and be kind to one another? Cuz I think we really need a kick in the a$$. I am writing now to try to not be so afraid..
So, thanks again, my friend.
Comment by Marsha H on August 16, 2017 at 3:34pm

Dear Chuck ...  I am so happy this link came to you at a good time.  It makes sense and makes us less doubtful as to where our lives are going.  You and Steve have also enhanced my life more than you will ever know.  Both of you will be in my life for a lifetime too.



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 15, 2017 at 6:23pm

Dear Marsha,

Thank you for that wonderful link! I don't know how you  it, but ever since I joined this family you have said or shared something that goes straight to my innermost feelings, and always at times I find myself needing to hear your message. You have come into my life for a reason...and as far as I am concerned for a lifetime as well. God Bless You.



Comment by Marsha H on August 15, 2017 at 5:23pm

Mary.Jane ...  You are lucky you are having dream and some of Bob.  I've only had a couple of Ernie. 

The searching dream I believe is that you are searching for her you use to be before you met Bob and that's where we have to go to reinvent our lives.  Bob fell in love with you when he first met you because of your personality and the kindness in your heart.  We have to reach back to our past in order to remember who we once were.

The dream you had of where you once worked is also taking you back in time as to what your personality was back then before meeting Bob.  These dreams help us to remember what our personality was like before the love of our lives came into the picture.  This helps us become stronger and forge into the future knowing we always had strength.  I believe these types of dreams are guiding you to make a life in the future.

I had to giggle about the joke Bob played on you.  I am a firm believer when they first pass and each person takes time to start heal from grief that our spouses are right there with us.  Sometimes we feel them around us throughout the day or we get a sign of something such as feathers, birds, coins, etc. to remind us they are close by.  Dreams often come to us about our spouse just to let us know they are really there for us to help us through the grief process.

Anyway, that's what I believe and in the 6 1/2 years since Ernie has gone the dreams, the feelings he is there and signs from him strengthened me.  Hope this helps solve your problems Mary.

Comment by Marsha H on August 15, 2017 at 5:14pm


I thought this youtube would explain many things to each of us.  You've more than likely read this one before, but it's so beautifully done 'Seasons.'  It helps to understand why sometimes we lose a loved one, some people stay for a short time, others stay for what we need in our lives and then they disappear and some will stay a lifetime with us.  From each one of these experiences each person we come in contact with leaves an 'imprint' on our lives.  Some experiences may be sad and hurt us, but we learn from that and make us better people for it.  We pass on our knowledge from what we've learned.  Hope this youtube helps to bring some peace to all of you.

Much love to all


Comment by Mary. Jane on August 15, 2017 at 2:13pm
Well, I know that if no one had answered when I first posted, I would have been crushed!
Ok, I have a question. I've started remembering my dreams when I wake up. They all seem to have 2 similar themes...the first one is I spend the entire dream searching for various things..but I never find what I am searching for. The second type dream is, I will be dreaming I am somewhere in a time in my yesterday, I dreamed I was at the place I worked b4 I met Bob...and then I remember I don,t work there, or live there anymore, and then I remember I have already lived my life..and then I remember, that BOb is gone, and sometimes I cry in the dream sometimes I wake up in tears...only ONCE have I spoken to Bob in any dream..but as I write this, I can,t remember what he said..but he was "Playing a little joke on me" cuz he had asked me to do something, like cook dinner, and then, as usual, I remembered, and told him "Wait a minute...I don,t have to cook!re dead!" And in the dream, he laughed kindly and said he knew, he was just kidding. That was the only time he ever spoke to me..and of course, I woke up crying. But kinda laughing too,because it WAS humorous, and very kind.
I remember a few months ago, one of the men here had told us about how, after his wife died, he would dream often of holding her. I wish with all my heart I would have such a wonderful dream. Thanks for letting me vent.
Comment by Marsha H on August 14, 2017 at 4:53am

Mary.Jane ...  You are as always a sweetheart for answering Joanne's post.  I copied it and added it on here so all members could see it.  Our posts will go into her 'in box' and she can click on the link and it will bring her to the right place.

By the way, I got 'I am not a robot' and it's annoying.  I had to click on what pictures had cars in it until there were no more.  So time consuming and it could be an easier verification.  Oh well.  LOL


Comment by Marsha H on August 14, 2017 at 4:50am

Joanne ...  We all understand how you feel as some are going through it now while others like myself have had a few years pass since our spouses passed away.  My Ernie passed in 2011 and even though I have gotten somewhat use to him not being here there isn't a day that goes by I don't think of him; he was my friend, my love and I still miss him, but take those baby steps forward.  You are in raw grief now and I do know that gut-wrenching feeling that no one understands and family or friends just don't know what to say and to us sometimes it sounds ignorant or, just out of context.  There isn't anything anyone else who hasn't lost a spouse can say to make us feel better.  Unfortunately, when our spouse passes away we do make other people uncomfortable and it's no fault of our own. 

I have found in the 6 years since Ernie passed away grief is a journey unlike we've ever known and we go through so many emotions.  Some days are a little better than others and eventually with time we gain strength from them and manage to carry that torch for them as they enriched our lives so much. 

When I went to grief counseling I was told that sometimes even family would expect me to be 'over it' in months or a year and good friends that were once enjoying Ernie's and my company would slowly slip away and I was shocked to find that so true.  No one who hasn't experienced the loss of a spouse will ever understand.  I walked around with what some call '2 masks' one to smile when out because it's expected of you and a sad one when I was home alone and had good cries and went over the memories of Ernie.  Joanne, this intense feeling you are going through doesn't last forever.  Hang on tight, cry if you want, get lots of sleep and try to get out as much as possible even if it's just for walks.  This forum is a wonder place to be where we all understand the pain we are all going through and it has helped me far more than going to a grief counseling group.

Please post anytime and just say what is on your mind as no one judges another on here.



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