Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 1 hour ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Marsha H 8 hours ago.
Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22.
You have been with me from the first day I posted and you still keep me growing. Your kind words, your simple direct actions and advise challenged me to go looking for the me I forgot so long ago. We are one big family here and we stay connected, sometimes it is good to step back and just say thank you,
You dear lady find the most poignant and minutiae details that I would not have thought of, thank you dear sister, you keep me on my toes. Hugs...
I am approaching my 3rd year loss on November 31st of this year and as Marsha said each year becomes clearer for me, hate to use the word easier. I started this journey for looking for answers to why did this have to happen to me? what did I do to deserve such an awful fate? what did Mark do to deserve his fate? All said and done, for me, I went back in time thru my memories from childhood to present day. My life started on April 20th, 1947 and then in September of that same year my Mother died. All the events from that point in my life to now has yielded clarity for me.
My first year after Mark's death was everything you described, for me I found that the days leading up to that date were more terrible than the actual day. I think I was posting and venting almost daily on this site. I even thought that everyone was tired of hearing from me, I could not have been more wrong. The love and understanding here brought me to today, my prayer for you is that you too will find solace here among some of the finest people I have ever had the pleasure to call my family.
Your picture was stunning, moving and brought tears, not sad tears, tears of joy. God bless you dear lady, you are stronger than you think.
ySandfly I am very new here so I'm probably the last one that should be throwing out encouragement. I too wake up every morning and my first thought I, What for ...what in the hell am I going to do with my life today". But as negative as this may sound I can't allow this negativity to persist; it will consume me. So I tell myself the "what for" is to reassure my partner in heaven that I'm okay. Today I was thinking why am I even bothering with this site because words have not helped me in the past. But the very short time I have been on here I recognize there are people who actually care and maybe for the 1st time since losing my partner they are willing to listen. Lift your chin up for your man and let him know you're going to be damn okay. Lots of hugs and I'm always here if you need to talk. Take care...Russ
Dear Sandfly ... It's been almost 7 years since I lost my Ernie and I know the first year or two are the very worst. As the years pass they will be forever in our hearts, but the horrific pang of their loss ebbs with the tide. What you did in memory of David was absolutely beautiful and I'm proud of you for getting out and keeping busy. I promise, this terrible pain of grief will be a dull roar and at your own pace. I am just so thankful I had almost 40 years of marriage with Ernie and all the memories along with his laughter, love and patience and all that wisdom he passed onto me. Our Wedding Anniversary was August 12th and I get a helium balloon and write love messages on it and go to one of our favorite places by the river and kiss the balloon and let it sail into the heavens imagining Ernie is waiting there to grab it. It gives me peace.
Hang in there Sandfly; what you are going through is very normal and something either many are going through on this forum or have been where you are now.
Hello everyone, the first death anniversary was on 16/8/2017.
The day went by ok as I kept busy. This is what I posted. Now what? Anther year and then another and another without him?
Unbearable. I am in bed moping waiting for the day to be over so that I can get up and go to a job where I am not needed and feel useless. Sorry about the rant.
My Darling David, one year ago today you died. I miss you so much, it has been the hardest year. I miss your kindness, your unconditional love,your sense of humour, your smile, your angst about newspapers butchering great photos,your loyalty to your friends and family, your love and passion for New Zealand and not to mention your cooking. It feels like 5 minutes ago we were having pizzas and limoncellos in Italy. I am so thankful that we had 32 years together but I wanted 32 more. Today I spent some time at the beach with a dear friend and my 'new'dog. I wanted to take a nice picture to mark the day. I am sure you had a few giggles watching us drawing wonky hearts in the sand and perfect ones that immediately got washed away. How we frantically gathered shells to write your name in the sand against the coming tide. Here are the results! Love you forever.David%20heart.jpgWe%20miss%20yiu%20David.jpg
Dear Russ ... You are most welcome here and all of us talk about our spouses and how we miss them. Chuck and Steve are wonderful as are the rest, but you will find on your own on this forum who you have something in common with and can easy message back and forth. We're all here to help you and believe me you won't regret coming here.
You hang in there Russ as it does get better. After 6 1/2 years of losing my Ernie, I have learned many things and although I will always miss him I carry the torch forward of the many wise and wonderful things he taught me in almost 40 years of marriage and knowing him for 45 years.
Big hug (you need one)
Thank you for your kin words Mary Jane. Ray and I were together 24 years. After tw0o very stressful careers; he as a CPA and me as a Vice President of a bank, we almost simultaneously reached a point where we wanted to retire early. So with that in mind we spent the next seven years getting our ducks in a row and on 7/31/13 we retired. We both looked forward to spending more time with each other and exploring the world. Unfortunately that is not the way it panned out. Three weeks after we retired Ray was diagnosed with Lymphoma and although he fought hard for two years, he passed away in June 2015. He was an amazing man and a true gift from God. Our love was beautiful and although he told me often, "I love you", he really didn't have to because I felt it exuding out of everything he did for me. Even though it's been two years I feel like I'm stuck in a world of grief, sadness and loneliness. Shortly after Ray passed away someone told me, "Before you can figure out where you want to go; you have to figure where you are". I'm not there yet...I have begun therapy after telling myself for two years I didn't need it. While my current issue is 90% the 10% sadness and loneliness is as palpable. I would like to love again but I'm not sure that will ever be my reality. N0thing like a long-winded Italian... thanks to all...Hugs
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