Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster. Last reply by Sara Murphy 5 hours ago. 16 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 28, 2017 at 10:10am

Hello Deborah,

I apologize for not replying to your kind words last week - I have had several showings of the house scheduled, and trying to keep everything looking nice inside and out is taking up my time and energy. I also was approaching our anniversary of the day in '83 that I proposed, and my emotions were and are running high. Four days later on Sept. 1st my mother passed away, making this time of year associated with some powerful memories. Anyway, my health has improved over the years - thank you for asking. I'm reading today all the posts I have missed, and again feel blessed to be associated with such generous people who lift and help each other so lovingly. You certainly all do so for me!



Comment by Joanne Dobrow on August 27, 2017 at 5:51am

I was also surprised at the costs. We are Catholic and there was a one day wake and church services so I guess that was the added cost. Fast forward - in June the pitiful insurance company finally sent the $10K check and just looking at it made me sick. In a moment of clarity, I heard very clearly, "Give it to the kids, they can use it" and that's just what I did. Such peace came over me and I believe my Jack spoke to me and that he is ok. P.S. The cemetery called me this week after four months of trying to get the flower urn for Jack's grave which I was told when I paid the cemetery was included and I had to end up paying $250 this week because I am too tired of swimming upstream. I live in Cleveland, OH. Thanks for listening. It really helps letting go of negativity.

Comment by deborah peck on August 26, 2017 at 8:13pm

I don't understand why the funeral home did that Joanne, the one I used just had to have me sign one on the policies over to them and then the insurance company paid them and then sent the rest to me, what a horrible way to do someone when they are hurting too bad to be able to take time to figure it out. When my 1st husband passed he didn't have insurance, thank God my uncle stepped in and paid for it, even then we were given an option on installments for 6 months which we didn't use but was a great option

Comment by Marsha H on August 26, 2017 at 4:07pm

Did the research for the U.S. to see if there was something similar to B.C. Memorial Funeral Services, but unfortunately as Mary.Jane said it's all about money.  Couldn't find a thing out there.  Sorry, wish I could have helped.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 26, 2017 at 3:58pm
Ok, this is a post for us older daughter was at the San Francisco airport this morning..(on her way here YAAAAY) and she sent me a picture of a giant display of a VW bus, painted with flowers, and peace signs, commemorating The Summer of Love...back in 1967! Yes, kids, Bob and were Golden Gate Park,at a "LOVE IN" sitting on a blanket, listening to bands, dancing, sipping Annie Greensprings wine people passed out flowers to everyone.
That was 50 years ago...we were so innocent..we thought we would change the world, and all the hate and I remember, I think "wow, we were so naive" LOL
Ok, that,S it. Carry on.
Comment by Joanne Dobrow on August 26, 2017 at 3:56pm

Thanks to everyone.

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 26, 2017 at 3:49pm
Wow, that is wonderful. Too bad the U.S. Couldn,t do something like that. But, I am sorry to say, this country is having a love afair with $$$$$$$$, and greed seems to be the only thing running it. I am especially bothered by the way they charge college students...a lifetime of debt, for what, if it was a state run college, used to be basically free.
You could even go to places like Berkeley if you had the smarts to qualify. Not any more. We don,t take care of our poor or is a darn shame.
Comment by Marsha H on August 26, 2017 at 1:59pm

To everyone ...  In Canada we have 'B.C. Memorial and there is an extremely small fee.  What they do is take over almost everything and you can a lovely low-cost funeral or, if the family decides they want a large funeral they will give the best prices.  They are there (thank God) to stop Funeral Homes from gouging grieving families.  I will research and try to find out if the U.S. has something like this. 

For Ernie, he was cremated $250 with a lovely walnut box for his ashes which I keep so we can have our ashes strewn over the Pitt River when my time comes.  I had a 'Celebration of Life' with Power Point of everyone in the family, friends and of course Ernie ...  all those wonderful memories and I made the music.  After we had tea in another room (I was in shock so don't remember much of it, but was told the whole thing was lovely) the total cost for me was $2,000.  I probably could have gone cheaper, but I had no help with preparing for this.  I am so sorry there wasn't anyone there to help you out. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 26, 2017 at 11:02am
Joanne, that is the most disgusting funeral home story I have ever heard. 4000 just for a cremation? And another $8000 for the funeral? What area do you live that it would cost so much?
One of my biggest vendettas is the way funeral homes GOUGE berieved people. I think it is the most disgusting thing in the world. They prey on the guilt and sorrow of the deceased loved ones.
I know it is hard to find a funeral home when someone dies suddenly, and the funeral,homes take full advantage of that. The entire industry is corrupt..and there is a "standard" they are supposed to adhear to, but they police themselves, and basically charge what they choose.
I was fortunate when Bob died, and the HOSPICE place have me the name of a reasonable place...but while he was home for the 4 days before he died, I called several places to compare prices for cremation. The difference in charges were staggering. A few never even returned my calls.
The entire charge for his cremation was only $675. I DIDN,t buy an urn, or arrange a funeral, as he DIDN,t want one..and he sits right next to me, in a cloth bag, which has a pattern of paints splatters on it (he was an artist, and we found the bag at the Dollar Tree, of all places) but until we can scatter his ashes, that is where he will stay. I find it comforting that he is near to me.
I urge anyone who is older, or just a good pre planner to check out places before we even get sick. But no one does one even Talks about it, and that is what keeps the prices sky high.
A last note...4 years ago, a very close friend husband died instantly..they were the couple we did everything with...and since I lived so far away, I wanted to do something for her, and her son, so I found some beautiful silver "charms" on a chain, to put ashes in, and wear. My friend asked if I minded telling her how much they each cost..$60, and she was horrified...the funeral home she took her husband to was charging $250 for the exact same type of silver ash or prayer containers. Disgusting.
Comment by Sara Murphy on August 26, 2017 at 8:54am

Joanne......You shouldn't have had to worry about so much after Jack's passing.  That alone is full time, 24/7 grief and to worry about the funeral home keeping his ashes until payment was made is inconceivable.  I too had my husband cremated and was lucky enough to have my brother in-law pay the funeral home until the life insurance check came in which was only about a month.  That alone was a lot to think about, the last thing I wanted to do was make phone calls and schedule meetings.  I can only imagine the un-necessary added stress you felt.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.  Sending a hug your way.



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