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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1346
Latest Conversations: 9 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on August 21, 2017 at 10:55pm

Hi Mary Jane, thank you for your message. my kids are grown so I live alone except for my dog but I haven't spent a whole lot of time with him except for petting him, poor baby. I tell my hubby good morning and good night every day and also talk to him thru my day, I watch my two grandsons a lot one who is 3 and ask for his paw paw all the time, breaks my heart and the other just turned 13 the day after my husband died, they were best friends so I try not to be sad around him so he doesn't get upset,this is my 2nd spouse to pass away, my first one was when my girls were small, I know with time you get to the point where you start enjoying life again but I'm having a hard time excepting that he is really gone, when do you put his stuff away, I just have left everything the way he left it, just makes me feel like he is still here but I know that's not rational,.  am so sorry you had to endure this pain too but glad you are doing better

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 21, 2017 at 10:40pm
Hello, Deborah, and welcome. You are lucky to have found this place so soon...I wasn,t able to find this for over a year after my husband of nearly 50 years died, after only 4 months of cancer..but this has been a life saver for all of us. For me, the panicky feeling comes at any time of the day..in the mornings when I awake, I get more of a feeling of "why bother getting up?"...and the fear I have is constant throughout the day. Sometimes, after I wake up, I say good morning to Bob, because I end up talking to him all day. Yes, you are correct..I couldn,t tell this to anyone who isn,t here. You don,t mention if you live alone now, or if you have children..that would make me panicky..if I had to pretend for them...but I am older, and live alone.
Fear is going to be a HUGE factor for awhile. At least, it has been for me. I go from 0 to 1000 in seconds, blowing even tiny things way out of proportion. Example, if I get a headache, I must have a brain tumor, or is there a spider on the bed? so I leave the TV on all night and lie there in fear of it happening. I know, it sounds completely irrational, but fear and panicky feelings are the norm for us. I think it gets better with time..BOb has been gone for 18 months now...and it is getting slightly better..time is our friend..it will heal us. I give this same advice to each new person...keep a journal. It doesn,t have to be much...just a few lines when you feel inclined, but it has been a life saver for me. Also, if you live alone, a pet can help. Anything that gives you a reason to live...something to care for...I feed the birds outside each day, and my cat has saved my life.
I am sorry you lost your loved one...and hopefully I have been some help with your fears...expect many more responses..this is a good place, with people who understand..and I am happy you found us.
Comment by deborah peck on August 21, 2017 at 9:06pm

I'm sitting here reading all of your post and crying for everyone, including myself, not sure how this group thing works as Ive never done this before but the evenings and the minute I wake up are the worst so I looked online for a support group that I can sit and cry and write at the same time. I'm normally a very private person so an actual person to person group wouldn't work as I don't think I could discuss without crying, its been 3 months and 10 days an it just keeps getting worse, any advise to stop the panicky feeling when I first wake up

Comment by Marsha H on August 21, 2017 at 3:52pm

Sandfly ...  you are most welcome and I hope you keep posting with us.  Believe it or not with your postings we learn much from you as well even though you may not realize it.

I pray you are having a much better day today.  :)

Comment by Marsha H on August 21, 2017 at 3:51pm

Steve ...  your words are so kind as always and I'm happy I can add some joy into your life.  You and Chuck have been just as wonderful to me and I love to read your posts because they lift my spirits and you both write in such a wonderful way.

Hugs back!

Comment by Sandfly on August 21, 2017 at 4:11am

Thank you for all your lovely and supportive comments.They mean a lot :)

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 20, 2017 at 9:56pm

Russ.....I'm catching up on reading posts from the weekend and want to welcome you to our group.  Although this is not a group anyone ever wants to join, it's definitely a group we NEED.  I'm sorry for the loss of your partner.   As several others have already mentioned, you found a place where people understand.  This is something we don't have with family and friends, at least in my case none have lost a spouse so no one understands my pain.  I lost my husband Ken on 1/13/16, he was 52 years old and we'd been together for 30 years.   Just like you, it feels like yesterday.  When I first lost him, I was going crazy because there was no one to talk to.  I'm lucky that I found this site 2 months later and wasn't sure it was going to help until I saw someone else post what was in my head.  I had thought there was something wrong with me until I saw that post.  That's when I knew I found "my people".  Through everyone else's posts, I knew my feelings and crazy thoughts were normal.  Nothing will ever take away the deep pain I feel but having a place to go and talk safely without feeling judged helps more than I can say.  I'm so grateful for my Legacy family and hope you find the same comfort.

Love and Hugs,

Sara

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 20, 2017 at 10:25am
Steve,,"aww, shucks!" Thank you
Comment by Steve on August 20, 2017 at 9:17am

Marsha,

You have been with me from the first day I posted and you still keep me growing.  Your kind words, your simple direct actions and advise challenged me to go looking for the me I forgot so long ago.  We are one big family here and we stay connected, sometimes it is good to step back and just say thank you,

Hugs...

Comment by Steve on August 20, 2017 at 9:12am

Mary Jane,

You dear lady find the most poignant and minutiae details that I would not have thought of, thank you dear sister, you keep me on my toes.  Hugs...

 

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