Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1337
Latest Conversations: 9 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Mary. Jane 10 hours ago. 22 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on September 8, 2017 at 5:48pm

Debby ...  I totally understand how you feel and I do feel your pain.  I was married in my early 20's to not a nice man and after 3 years filed for divorce (no children.)  Then a miracle happened and I met my beloved Ernie.  Even though we knew each other for 45 years and married almost 40 years when he died at 65 I was so angry and just didn't think it was fair.  Such deep love and in an instant he was taken from me.  I can only be thankful for having that in my life when so many others don't.  I have memories and oh yes, I still have my crying days. 

I wish you a peaceful and restful weekend Debby and be kind to yourself.



Comment by Marsha H on September 8, 2017 at 5:43pm

Russ ... We aren't putting up with you at all as we all feel your heartache and loneliness and please realize you are not alone.  It's a good thing to vent on Legacy as to what you feelings are and so happy you did.

There is no time limit to grief.  Some people can find someone to be in their life in the first year while others need longer (such as myself and obviously yourself.)  Then other prefer to remember their beloved spouse and go it alone into the future.  Everyone marches to a different drummer.

Even almost 7 years I still cry and get lonely and just like you I cuddle my two dogs and they are so sweet licking the tears away.  I'm sure your own dog feels some grief because of your loss.  Some days the loneliness hits me so hard that I feel like a ghost walking around and people pass by me.  Yes, you will get better.  I am ready to find someone to be in my life, but wonder if it will ever happen.  You had many years with your spouse so please don't expect to be over her so quickly, but I honestly feel your life will level off where you can reinvent yourself and in the future meet someone that can help you throughout the future you have.  Grieving is horrific, but it's life and it does teach us to be more humble, thankful for many things in our lives and makes us stronger.  The fact you get up every day and do your best means you are getting much stronger even though you may feel you aren't.

It doesn't hurt to have a couple of glasses of wine as long as it's not a crutch every time one feels down.  A glass of wine with dinner or even before one goes to bed is a good thing.  So my dear friend, have your wine and try to relax and remember you are not on this journey of grief alone as we're all here for you.

Hugs (wish I was there in person) and Blessings


Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 5:13pm

Dear Russ, there is no time limit on grieving or the love you shared. my first husband has been gone for 29 years and sometimes I still have hard minutes and wonder what my life would be like if he had lived, all this while being deeply in love with Greg, so no don't ever be afraid to still grieve for what you have lost.   love Debbie

Comment by Russ Macaluso on September 8, 2017 at 4:50pm

I've been reading some of everyone's recent comments and in a way it made me feel somewhat better.  I was really thinking bad about myself for sharing such grief and sadness and loneliness while at the same time saying I want to find love again.  That being said, today has not been a good day; the loneliness has me by the butt.  I really would have never thought that these feelings would still be so palpable after two years.  It makes me wonder if it will ever get better. Not trying to be a Debbie Downer but I'm sure yo all will understand because I know I'm not atypical in this regard. My precious little Schnauzer has got more hugs today than I think she cared to and my keyboard is wet. I started to reach for the wine a little while ago and resisted (I'm no a real lover of alcohol).  Okay I'm done...thanks for putting up with me and maybe I still may hit that wine before the night's over.  Hugs and blessings to all...have a great weekend.

Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 4:26pm

thank you Marsha, yes its really hard to have lost twice, just not right and so different in griefing

Comment by Marsha H on September 8, 2017 at 3:38pm

Dear Deborah ...  I know no matter how fortunate one is to have had 2 spouses that grief is grief and I wish I could give you a great, big hug!  I am glad you enjoyed the song.  Memories keep us going.



Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 2:39pm

Have any of you read any grief books by Alan Wolfelt? I'm asking because I just got a book by him "Understanding your grief" also a journal that goes along with it, Ive only read 1 chapter but it seems very right on point with my feelings, haven't started the journal yet.   Debby

Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 10:42am

Dear Sara, yes the signs we get are a God send, I beg him for signs all the time so to hear him wake me made me so happy as I'm sure yours did you too  Debby

Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 10:40am

Thank you Marsha for the beautiful song. Yes I consider myself immensely fortunate to have had 2 great loves when some don't have any. We will see what the future brings, right now I'm still trying not to cry all day but I hope you find a relationship that brings you much love and happiness.  love Debby

Comment by Michael Smith on September 8, 2017 at 7:22am


Thank you I do agree that I am very fortunate to have found love again. I pray that you will find it to.  




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