Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Mary. Jane 10 hours ago. 22 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by deborah peck Sep 12. 18 Replies

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by deborah peck Aug 22. 33 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on September 5, 2017 at 9:31pm

Chuck and Trina.......I'm a firm believer in signs so I have no doubt that Joseph led Chuck to find the perfect song to post knowing Trina would recognize it. 

Chuck...Your posts have meant a lot to me over these past 19 months.  Please don't second guess yourself.  Your instincts are usually right on.   I do hope to always be in touch with my Legacy family.  I certainly hope you and Steve continue to post and let us know how things are going.  I know you've finally listed your home and that was huge step.  I can imagine how hard that was but I'm happy you're moving toward a happy future.



Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 4, 2017 at 11:35pm

My dear  friend Trina,

You will never know how timely your response is for me...or how meaningful. I am smiling at the wonderfully comforting thought that the post I chose for you and Joseph truly had a special meaning for you. Indeed, I could not have known of Joseph's award winning reading, leaving me once again faced with another example of the mysterious and often miraculous connections that are made with each other in this unique and uncommon family.

I remember so well thinking of that music the moment I read of your third anniversary of Joseph's passing, and when I located the piece with lyrics on YouTube so easily it seemed like destiny - yet I hesitated, fearing it might seem inappropriate somehow. In my heart it felt right, but too often I let my head interfere and begin second guessing my instincts. I am so grateful to know I made the right decision that day - thank you.

I always wanted to live my life guided by what truth lived in my heart, believing it would lead me on a path of being helpful and useful in ways far more meaningful than decisions based on monetary or personal advancement. After losing Larry this became even more important to me, because my thoughts and emotions were so jumbled and erratic I could no longer trust myself to be rational when making important decisions regarding our belongings, our home, or even my own future and reason for existing. 

Now I sit here 2 1/3 years later still faced with those choices, time having made them more pressing and urgent. I have always felt your journey through your words as though we were walking this path side by side. That you are finding positive and generous ways of living with your loss is for me especially inspiring and encouraging. Again my friend, thank you.

I was asked by someone a year ago whether I expected I would always be in touch with the friends I had found on Legacy. My reply was to say that I would like to think so, but even if they ceased posting, or if I did, the peace and strength I have been given here by all of these blessed angels has forever embedded you all in my heart - and as I said, that is the trustworthy source from which I draw my strength, comfort, and guidance. For all my days forward, each decision will be counseled by the memory and examples of my family who understood my pain and grief, and rescued me by sharing with me their own.

God bless you Trina, and God bless us all who share our losses and find strength in each other.

Love and Hugs,


Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 4, 2017 at 6:49pm

Dear Marsha and Chuck,

This response has been exactly a month in coming. On 4th August the two of you reached out to me with empathy and words of encouragement as I was observing the third anniversary of Joseph's passing. While my pain and anxiety have lessened over the three years, I have reached a point where I can live with my pain of having lost Joseph. It's comparable to people who have lost a limb or their eyesight and have learned to live with that loss as much as they are reminded of the loss and pain on a daily basis. I think what I am saying here will sound only too familiar to many of you who have survived the loss of your spouse/partner/soulmate.

Do you know Chuck and Marsha that you unwittingly said things (or posted, as in Chuck's case) that were very appropriate and sort of prophetic? 

Marsha, you wisely advised me to take up an occupation (voluntary work) that will keep me busy and bring focus to my life. Of course unbeknownst to you, the night before Joseph passed, he told me to do the good works when I asked him what I will do with my life after his passing. On his third death anniversary I ventured out to some poverty-stricken areas of rural Bangladesh (I am originally from BD) with a volunteer women's group and helped distribute polio meds to young children. That was my first step towards realizing Joseph's last words to me. This act gave me satisfaction on many levels, and I will try to build on this small step over the years. Every year, around Joseph's anniversary in August, I will be doing something similar to this. It is a wonderful tribute to Joseph who was a beloved professor to his many students and was also a humanitarian, among other things. So my dear Marsha, your suggestion was very apt and timely. You are a wise and kind lady, and you make our Legacy site so much richer with your love for us and generosity of spirit.

And Chuck, you posted for me and Joseph a song based on Dante's Divine Comedy. Joseph was a professor of Philosophy and Humanities, and the year before he passed, he received the Best Performer Award for his reading of Inferno from Dante's Divine Comedy at our university's Halloween Dead Writers readings! So is that a coincidence that you should post a song based on Dante? Quite amazing! I really appreciated the literary flourish and thoughtfulness in your post meant for me and Joseph. I know Joseph appreciates the post as much as I do. On this site, those of us who continue to mourn the irreparable loss of our beloved, we are in a way repeating the tragic story of Dante and his beloved Beatrice.

On this Labor Day while everyone else is in a celebratory mood, the likes of us are reminiscing and remembering our dearly departed loved one. Sending prayers that today is a little less painful for us and a little more bearable.

Hugs and love, Trina

Comment by Marsha H on September 4, 2017 at 3:41pm

Mary Packer ...  Sorry, can't find your message here, but got it in my email.  I do understand anxiety and it's very normal when grieving.  When upset our muscles tense up without us even realizing it.  Restless sleep to our shoulders up to our ears because of the trauma of losing a spouse causes all those aches and pains.  I went through it as well.

Xanax is good for anxiety, but be sure that your doctor only puts you on it for a short-term as they are extremely addictive.  I know because my doctor didn't and now after years of taking it to ward of panic attacks I can't get off it especially because of my age (75.) 

You can also go to a pharmacy as ask for a lotions physiotherapists use here for massage for joint and muscle pain and it's called, 'P3 ...  muscle and joint pain.'  It has a strong mint smell and other good things in it such as Eucalyptus and it works wonders.  I use it and got a bottle of it for a friend of mine who was in a car accident and she said it works so well.  Hope this helps.

Please keep coming back for Legacy and let us know how you are doing.


Comment by Marsha H on September 4, 2017 at 3:52am

Russ ...  So happy to know you are doing OK since the storm and now the flooding.  I've been praying along with other friends here in Canada that this soon will come to an end.  I know only too well how long it will take for the poor people there to get back on their feet. 



Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 4, 2017 at 2:52am


Keeping you and your fellow Houstonians in my thoughts and prayers. Hurricane Harvey has brought destruction and devastation to countless many, but glad for your resilience and courage.

Best, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 4, 2017 at 2:50am

Dear Deborah,

Thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Hope your anniversary day was not unbearable. Marker days are always extremely difficult. Hang in there! 

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Russ Macaluso on August 31, 2017 at 2:39pm

Thanks to everyone for your kind words ad prayers.  I am truly blessed because I had no detrimental affects from the storm.. Unfortunately for a large number of others that is not the case, It is going to take Houston a very long time to recover from this but we are resilient and we will come out at the other end even stronger and with a renewed faith in the people in our country, whose support has been phenomenal. Again, thanks for your prayers and please keep praying for us.  There a large number of people who are suffering and whose life has been turned upside down...Hugs

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 31, 2017 at 2:33pm

Deborah........Thinking of you today on what would be your 26th anniversary.  There's no easy way to get through these special days. Praying for peace and sending you a hug.

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 31, 2017 at 2:13pm

Russ....  I didn't realize you are in Houston.  You are certainly in my thoughts.  My company has many locations in Texas, Houston being among them (as well as Corpus Christi and Victoria).  I've also been thinking about my co-workers in Houston and hoping they're all safe.  The GM of that location called me on Tuesday asking me to approve an increase to his company credit card so he could charter a helicopter to fly over our building and assess damages.  I certainly feel for all of you.


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