Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on September 10, 2017 at 9:51pm

Chuck.......That's a beautiful story.  I can imagine Larry and Mark meeting as you say and keeping each other company until the 4 of you are together.  So often we don't think about the separation from our departed loved one's point of view.  I'd like to think they miss us as much as we miss them. 

Comment by deborah peck on September 10, 2017 at 7:45pm

This weekend has been the best so far since Greg passed, I finally went out with friends, we just went to play bingo but its something I enjoy and was so nice to get out of the house, then my brother came to spend the weekend with me and I invited some of my family over Saturday night to spend time with him too and everyone just sat around talking  at the memorial pond my brother in law and I put in for my husband ( pictures on my page) we talked until 3 in the morning and it was so nice and almost "normal". I hope everyone else had a good weekend, love Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on September 9, 2017 at 3:59am

Mary.Jane ...  Thanks for the nice compliment.  Have more pics on 'my page.'  I never thought of myself looking like Rue MacClanahan, but many have said when younger I looked like Natalie Wood.  When I was in San Fran many years ago in my 20's I had a few people come up asking for my autograph!  LOL  I'll send you a picture back then.  I can still get it or an older Jane Fonda.  I honestly don't get it.  Odd how people can look at a certain person who reminds them of a celebrity.  The picture by my post is the last picture of Ernie and I in Jan. 2011.  I can't believe I was with him then and 3 months later he passed away.   

Hope you are feeling much better and having some good days for a change my friend.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 8, 2017 at 11:59pm

Debbie, Thank you so much.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 8, 2017 at 11:38pm

Dear Mary Jane,

You have been in my thoughts  - I believe you said you were planning a trip to the outer banks with your daughter, and I sincerely hope it doesn't coincide with this monstrous storm - all the nation is watching and praying for a part of the country that had already been pummeled and now faces possibly an even worse blow.

The story was written after I had been without Larry for just over a year, and came to me as I sat on a bench in the backyard where I feed our family of chipmunks (some from my hand). I was having an inner dialogue with myself, and then with Steve's partner Mark about our growing friendship which was evolving into a closer bond. I asked Mark to please help me know if this - if I - would be good for Steve, and would he check with Larry? As I imagined the two of them discussing these developments the story suddenly formed in my mind and I knew I had to set it down before I lost it. Thank you for being so encouraging and supportive - I better find some way to start making money, and since I am unable to paint right now, writing gives me a way to express my feelings and remain sane (well, relatively so anyway!) If it eventually translated into something others might benefit from reading and generated a little income I would  be gratified.

I hope these days are finding you spared from too much pain and episodes of your EBS aren't too frequent. I know too well first hand how physical pain easily magnifies our grieving leaving us overwhelmed and exhausted!

I agree with you about our lovely Marsha - she immediately makes me think of Natalie Wood myself. Apologies Marsha for talking about you as if you weren't in the room! 

Be well, Mary Jane, and my prayers for you to have peace this weekend -



Comment by deborah peck on September 8, 2017 at 10:46pm

Chuck that was beautiful

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 8, 2017 at 9:55pm
MARSHA! Wow! You are a knockout!!! You remind me of some movie star, but I can,t think exactly who. RUe mcClenahand comes to mind, from the Golden girls, but there's someone else too! You GO GIRL!!!
Comment by Mary. Jane on September 8, 2017 at 9:48pm
Was that from your meeting with Larry? You should seriously write a book. Your prose is beautiful
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 8, 2017 at 8:03pm

Part 1

The Meeting



            As he sits there on the bench looking around, feeling the warm sun on his upturned face, he listens with eyes closed to the quiet interrupted only occasionally by the sound of flitting wings – birds swooping by to light in the tree to his right. He hears the footsteps approach, but remains still until hearing the words “Mind if I sit here?”


            Turning and squinting up at the figure silhouetted by the sun behind him, he says “Please.” gesturing with an open hand to the empty space beside him. They both remain quiet, turning this way and that to peer between trees and shrubs at the sun’s rays falling on the rocks and grasses.


            “It’s a fine day” his new visitor says in his pleasant voice. “Fine indeed.” he replies, again closing his eyes and lifting his face to the warmth and the soft breeze, barely even a whisper against his skin. He hears the slow intake of a deep breath, its slow release, and feels the gentle eyes studying him.


            “I haven’t seen you here before.”


            “I’m new to this place. I just lost…someone…my husband .”


            He opens his eyes and turns to look into a face that shows compassion and understanding. “What brings you here?” he asks quietly, a sad smile on his lips.


            “The same” he answers bowing his head, closing his eyes and taking a deep slow breath – in…out. Looking up to meet the steady  gaze of dawning understanding, he places his hand  gently on his companions knee and gives a single pat before folding his hands in his lap.


 Glancing around at the trees with their gently swaying branches and leaves waving hello – or goodbye – he says “It’s very beautiful here.”


            “Yes…very beautiful indeed. Is it always like this do you think?”


            “I don’t know. I’m new to this place myself.”


            He nods slowly a few times, then looks up to the endless sky above them and says, in a voice barely a whisper “I miss him.”


            “Me too. ”


            Minutes pass in silence, both thinking their private thoughts - remembering. He turns to look into the branches of the tree to his right, watching a chickadee hop from twig to twig, then suddenly straightens as if waking from a dream.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 8, 2017 at 8:02pm


 Part 2-


            “I’m sorry – where are my manners? I haven’t introduced myself.” Holding out his hand and smiling broadly he says “Hello, I’m Larry.”


            “Hello Larry” he says taking the outstretched hand in both of his. “Nice to know you…I’m Mark.”


            They hold each others hand for a few seconds, smiling, Knowing, and then both sit back and look around at the beauty surrounding them.


            “Do you think they’ll be alright?”


            “It’s not for us to know, but yes – I think so, don’t you?”


            “Yes, I think they will – they’re stronger than they know.”


            The minutes spin out again, and they listen to the rustle of the leaves and watch the bending grass like waves glistening in the sunlight.


            “Will we see them again – do you think we’ll be together someday?”


            “That’s not up to us, but you know the answer to that one anyway, don’t you?”


            “You’re right – silly question – sorry. I wonder when….”


            “Time is different here – a lot of things are different. “


            “So what do we do – I mean,  for now…while we wait? “


            “Well, we watch over them, and we spend time with the others, and we can always talk to each other. That is, if you want to.”


            “Oh, yes – I would very much like to talk to you. I’m sure we have a lot in common, you and I.“


            They sit smelling the fragrance of flowers blooming somewhere nearby, watching clouds glide slowly above the treetops, listening to a brook spilling its clear sweet water over smooth stones of many colors.


            “Do you mind if I stay here a while longer – it’s nice here.”


            “Of course – please stay. It is nice here – very nice indeed. There’s no hurry – we have all the time in the world.”


“Yes, I guess that’s so– all the time in the world…”


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