Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Sara Murphy Oct 10. 3 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on September 22, 2017 at 3:12pm

Dear Deborah P ...  I know that feeling you are going through and every so often even now, my mind can go to that dark place as well, but it never happens.  We are stronger than we think.  I think it's wonderful you are going to the wineries with your daughters and friends and I'm sure that will clear your mind.  It's very normal to wonder why we were left behind and what are we suppose to do with the rest of our lives while be battle grief, but please trust me on the fact that it does get better although you will never forget your spouse.  Go to wineries, have a few, laugh and cry if you need too, but remember, what you are going through is very normal.  You are not alone!



Comment by deborah peck on September 22, 2017 at 12:41pm

Has been a really rough week with my mind going to dark places for an easy way out of this pain, As much as at times I would love to end it all I could never do that to my family I couldn't leave them with that much pain and we have been thru that once already, my dad commited suicide after batteling cancer for 20 years, multiple kids  and many surgeries, I don't blame him at all but I couldn't send my family down that road again. But am heading to Hermann MO. to visit the wineries with two of my daughters and my younger sister who is my best friend so hoping this weekend can turn my thoughts around.  love to you all and have a great weekend

Comment by Deb S on September 22, 2017 at 12:38pm

Mary Jane, Feeling empowered is a great thing. WTG!

It looks like the weather will be beautiful for your trip with a range in the mid to high 70's. It is about 80 today and absolutely gorgeous. I am wearing a tee shirt and shorts. I brought jeans and a light jacket for days where it might be a bit colder. So far, I haven't put on the jacket. Enjoy your time here. It is a sweet place to spend some time.  Debbie

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 22, 2017 at 11:00am
You GO girl! In case you DIDN,t see my guestion about the Outer Banks, can you tell me what the weather should be like the first 2 weeks of October there? I have no idea what to pack, as I have never been there. Will it be humid and warm, or chilly and windy.
BTW! I bought a new MATTRESS a few weeks ago...fist time I ever made a semi-major purchase without BOb. I actually felt a little empowered! LOL
Comment by Deb S on September 22, 2017 at 7:16am

Sarah, Thank you for your sweet note. I remain more exited than my soon to be 4 year old granddaughter at Christmas. I have seen photos and done research on hundreds of homes. I narrowed down the search and my realtor showed me about 15 houses. None were "just right". This house had been on the market but was not on my radar until the owners decided to drop the price substantially. I called my realtor and asked her about the neighborhood with plans to come and see the house in the next few days. Another couple put an offer on the house so I placed an offer sight unseen. The seller asked each of us to submit are best and final offer. It is not easy to determine how then to proceed. I wrestled with a number and heard Bob advise me as to how to counter. I soon learned that I got the house! Fortunately, I've had no bad post-purchase feedback. I am comfortable with my decision and taking all of the necessary steps so that I can settle asap. 

It is a big step but one I am happy to be taking. Thanks again for your sweet comments. The collective strength, wisdom and support from this group is a Godsend.

How are you doing?  Debbie

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 21, 2017 at 9:47pm

Debbie.....Congrats on the 2nd home.  I'm in awe of your strength to make such a large purchase.  I panic just thinking about smaller purchases or projects around the house.  I'm glad you'll be in a place that brings you comfort and peace.

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 21, 2017 at 9:35pm

Trina......That's a wonderful post and pretty much says everything I think we all feel.  None of our family or friends were present in our marriage so they can't know what we feel.  The loss isn't the same for them as it is for us.  They also don't know the amount of energy we put into faking it every day so to them, we're doing fine.  I know I'll mourn Ken until my  last day.  The connection we have will never die.  Thanks for such an insightful post.

Comment by Marsha H on September 21, 2017 at 3:52pm

Dear Trina ...  What a beautiful post you left with wise words as usual.  I think you nailed it on the head as to how most of us feel about our spouses.  Ernie and I were like you and Joseph and we were there for each always through thick and thin and that's part we miss the most.  I still talk to Ernie in my home or in the car and I still feel his strength guiding me through life.  No matter where you are Trina or what you do Joseph is guiding you and right there by you.



Comment by Marsha H on September 21, 2017 at 3:49pm

Dear Deb S.  ...  Thank you for helping me toss out those caustic words that man said to me.  I could hardly believe my ears.  Shortly after that (this being a small town I live in) as sure as shooting he would spot me somewhere and call out my name, but one thing about getting older as I can play 'the deaf card' and would keep walking.  LOL  I haven't seen him since thank you God!  Thank you for your concern and I appreciate it.

Comment by Marsha H on September 21, 2017 at 3:46pm

Deb S.  ...  I am so happy everything went so well for the purchase of your other home and that's a really good sign you are doing the right thing.  Of course we have your back and you go girl! 


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