Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on October 7, 2017 at 11:13am

I have a doc apt later this month to see about getting on meds even though I don't take meds and do mostly natural, I am desperate and am thinking about going to see a therapist too, so glad you are starting to feel better and starting to see your old self again. I don't remember feeling this way when my 1st husband passed but my girls were small and I was so busy with them too,  thanks Debbie

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 10:32pm

I know you want "you" back and I want "me" back too. Our old selves are in there somewhere. But we will be changed. I know it feels so unnatural to feel so sad all of the time. Its so terrible and exhausting. To be sad for 5 months straight is literally exhausting. I am day 8 on the low-dose Prozac and I can say I really feel like it is starting to take the edge off. I feel like old glimmers of my old self is starting to shine though and I feel less anxious. I've had more energy and feel more inspired and motivated to do things and see people. After 6 months of hell its a relief. It could also be the diet the doctor told me to go on too to regulate my blood sugar to handle the chronic stress, and also the techniques I've learned in therapy but it seems like things are starting to help. I am so glad you have your daughter for support. -- K

Comment by deborah peck on October 6, 2017 at 10:13pm

Yes I know its not been that long, but I just want "Me" back but I also realize the old me is probably not going to return and that is okay, I will adapt to whatever the future holds for me. I know you all have gone thru this horrible sadness and have survived so I know I will too. My daughter came over today in tears, seems shes had a really bad week and said she cant stand feeling sad all the time, so I guess this is perfectly natural, anyway thank you all for all of your support as always.  Debbie P

Comment by deborah peck on October 6, 2017 at 10:00pm

Steve so glad to hear that no nerve damage, which thyroid gland is it? I had the one in my neck get infected and literally did not do anything but sleep for a solid week, was so sick I thought I was dying, was horrible and my daughter has a lot of issues with her thyroid which makes her feel bad. Praying that they figure it out soon and you start feeling better.  Debbie p

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 6:44pm

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share this with you.
My husband, Brian, was such a talented photographer. I wanted to share his photography website that we are keeping up and running as long as possible. He had gotten really into "street" photography. He also won a few competitions. Anyway..

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 6:38pm

Steve, keep us posted on the thyroid. I am so sorry its acting up. Thyroid stuff runs in my family too.

Sara, beautifully said. Deborah, also, to quote my therapist, "Fragility= love. Its the only thing that can break us." Your grief is your love for your husband. 

Comment by Deb S on October 6, 2017 at 4:30pm

Steve, Thanks for the update. It is awesome that the MRIs did not show any nerve damage. I hope and pray that the spot on the thyroid is easy to treat. Please continue to take care of you.  Debbie

Comment by Steve G. on October 6, 2017 at 4:02pm

Dear Legacy family,

The MRIs for me did not show any nerve damage in my neck or spine, it does show a dark spot on my thyroid gland.  Seems that my thyroid might be acting up, it can cause a lot of symptoms that can be misread, including carpal tunnel symptoms.  My next step is to have a sonogram on the thyroid, back to primary physician for blood work and schedule occupational therapy...lots going on...the neurologist did say that my spine and neck did not look like most 70 year olds and that there were only two places that  even resembled slight arthritis, and even those areas were not pressing against the nerves...he did prescribe mild pain relievers for the pain in my hand, will report when I know more... 

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 6, 2017 at 2:12pm

Deb.......Kaela is right, it's too soon.  You were with Greg for so long that 5 months might as well be 5 minutes so it's normal to still feel deep sadness now.  It's not fun and does weigh us down but unfortunately, that's the price we have to pay for the deep love we had with our spouses.   I too hate feeling this way but I wouldn't trade a minute of the almost 30 years I had with Ken for an ounce less pain.  He is worth everything to me including having to deal with this grief for the next X number of years. 

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 12:07am

Deborah, It's only been 5 months (your husband died in May right?). I know you are in so much pain and you want relief from it but you gotta give yourself a break. It is still so early. I wish I could relieve your pain. Just know we are all here for you and we all know how you feel.


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