Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Deb S on October 9, 2017 at 5:03am

Debby P, It does take time to heal. I'm with you on patience - my own patience is often lacking. I mentioned the therapist idea because I read in your post that you were considering seeing one. You'll know if that is the right path for you to take. You haven't had a lot of time to absorb everything. Giving yourself time to be is a good idea. I needed to do that to allow my soul the freedom to begin to grasp my reality and then allow time for me to move through the fog that had enveloped my life. I've recaptured a reservoir of strength that was completing drained for a long time. Please know I am cheering you on from VA.  Debbie 

Comment by deborah peck on October 8, 2017 at 9:34pm

dear Debby S, thank you for your kind  post, I am thinking about seeing a therapist something Ive never done before but at this point I'm willing to try anything to get to a better place, I know it all takes awhile to "heal" but I'm not very patient so have to learn to give myself time .   debby P

Comment by Deb S on October 8, 2017 at 8:32am

What is going on with the comment page?  I just posted a long post and it disappeared after posting!  

Kaela, I just wrote a long post to you apologizing for not seeing your earlier post to me sooner. I tried to edit one word and the post disappeared. I hope you received it via email. Please let me know. If not, I'll try to reconstruct it later. HUGS!  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on October 8, 2017 at 7:55am

Debbie P, Forgive me for not responding to your posts earlier. I've been absent for a bit and am now returning to our fold. I read all of your posts and am so sorry for the losses that have brought you here. As many of our angels have commented, I hope that you find this group to be as much of a Godsend as it has been for me.

Let me share a bit of my "story". My husband was healthy until he slipped into a coma and died 4 days later. Like you and everyone here, I was completely and utterly devastated. I did what I had to do but also quit eating and sleeping for weeks. I spent eons on the couch with mindless TV playing as background noise.

Slowly, with the support and caring of this group, I began to come out of my fog. Now, two plus years later, I am doing well. I've determined which friends remain and which ones could not go the distance. I've expanded my group of friends and again have people in my life that are fun to be around and accept me as I am now (without my spouse at my side). My adult children remain rocks. They check in on me frequently and I see them often. We were able to coordinate a family vacation this summer to a spot we had gone to often when they were younger. It was an awesome week!

Please know that I have been reading your posts and cheering you on from afar. Again, please forgive me for not jumping in sooner. I started posts to you several times but wanted to reread your earlier posts before commenting.

I applaud you for standing up to your sister, for taking on a project of the magnitude of staining your deck, for venturing out to play bingo and visit a winery, and for everything you are doing. Good for you for making a doctor's visit happen and exploring adding some meds to help you through this incredibly difficult time. Why not also see a therapist? Hopefully, it won't hurt. Ideally, it will likely help immensely.

Please take care of you now. I know from experience, this is much easier said than done.

Hugs, Debbie S

Comment by deborah peck on October 7, 2017 at 11:13am

I have a doc apt later this month to see about getting on meds even though I don't take meds and do mostly natural, I am desperate and am thinking about going to see a therapist too, so glad you are starting to feel better and starting to see your old self again. I don't remember feeling this way when my 1st husband passed but my girls were small and I was so busy with them too,  thanks Debbie

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 10:32pm

I know you want "you" back and I want "me" back too. Our old selves are in there somewhere. But we will be changed. I know it feels so unnatural to feel so sad all of the time. Its so terrible and exhausting. To be sad for 5 months straight is literally exhausting. I am day 8 on the low-dose Prozac and I can say I really feel like it is starting to take the edge off. I feel like old glimmers of my old self is starting to shine though and I feel less anxious. I've had more energy and feel more inspired and motivated to do things and see people. After 6 months of hell its a relief. It could also be the diet the doctor told me to go on too to regulate my blood sugar to handle the chronic stress, and also the techniques I've learned in therapy but it seems like things are starting to help. I am so glad you have your daughter for support. -- K

Comment by deborah peck on October 6, 2017 at 10:13pm

Yes I know its not been that long, but I just want "Me" back but I also realize the old me is probably not going to return and that is okay, I will adapt to whatever the future holds for me. I know you all have gone thru this horrible sadness and have survived so I know I will too. My daughter came over today in tears, seems shes had a really bad week and said she cant stand feeling sad all the time, so I guess this is perfectly natural, anyway thank you all for all of your support as always.  Debbie P

Comment by deborah peck on October 6, 2017 at 10:00pm

Steve so glad to hear that no nerve damage, which thyroid gland is it? I had the one in my neck get infected and literally did not do anything but sleep for a solid week, was so sick I thought I was dying, was horrible and my daughter has a lot of issues with her thyroid which makes her feel bad. Praying that they figure it out soon and you start feeling better.  Debbie p

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 6:44pm

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share this with you.
My husband, Brian, was such a talented photographer. I wanted to share his photography website that we are keeping up and running as long as possible. He had gotten really into "street" photography. He also won a few competitions. Anyway..

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on October 6, 2017 at 6:38pm

Steve, keep us posted on the thyroid. I am so sorry its acting up. Thyroid stuff runs in my family too.

Sara, beautifully said. Deborah, also, to quote my therapist, "Fragility= love. Its the only thing that can break us." Your grief is your love for your husband. 


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