Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on October 22, 2017 at 3:48pm

Mary Jane,

I checked out the Face book link and only found 3 groups listed so far, none were for grieving spouses.


Good to hear that you are OK.  

To All my family,

I am still running in circles trying to find out exactly what is wrong with my right hand and wrist.  My PCP is the one that sent me to the Orthopedic clinic which referred me to a neurologist that ordered two MRIs and a sonogram of my thyroid.  Went back to my PCP and he disavowed the findings of the neurologist insisting that I have nerve damage even though the tests say otherwise.  So I am in the middle and fit to be tied, when my blood work came back all I got was a phone call stating everything was good.  So I started asking the nurse specific questions about the bloodwork, what the ranges were for thyroid and where my results fell.  I was told that mine were within acceptable ranges.  That is when I lost it and said OK,what does my PCP recommend now since he does not accept that thyroid can cause nerve disorders...and so that's how the merry go round started.

So now in two weeks they have scheduled me with a Nerve specialist in another part of NJ (about an hours drive) and they assure me he will get to the root of my the mean time, the guy that has been mowing our yard always asks how Steve is doing, Chuck relayed the story to him and he asked if Steve has been tested for Lyme Disease.  His neighbor is a carpenter and he started having carpal tunnel symptoms that kept him being able to grip a saw and hammer.  His PCP tested him immediately for Lyme, his results were positive, he was treated with antibiotics and has recovered after about 30 days.  Tomorrow I am going to call my PCP once more and suggest I get tested.  Apparently it is a widespread problem here in NJ, last year when I arrived Chuck and I worked outside a lot and even during the winter and .  Lyme can stay in your system with minimal symptoms that can be misread as having a cold, flu, allergies to pollen, mild arthritis, muscle strain and the list goes on.  When I googled "can lyme cause carpal tunnel symptoms", it came back yes.

I just hope that if I do have it that I can get rid of it and if not that the other doctor will find the right diagnosis.  

Thanks for letting me rant, all of this has worn me down to a place where I was not so long ago and wondering what next?

Hugs to all, your brother Steve

Comment by Steve G. on October 22, 2017 at 3:11pm

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 22, 2017 at 1:54pm
LOL..thanks Steve!!!
Comment by Deb S on October 22, 2017 at 4:46am

Marsha, It is great to hear from you. I was getting a bit concerned. The group has been a bit quiet. I'm not getting all of the alerts of posts either and perhaps that is prevalent right now.

Just to clarify my earlier post. I'm not going through those emotional symptoms of grief any longer. You were always here to remind any newbies that days did get better. I can now join your chorus and echo your refrain. 

I had a wonderful day yesterday. A high school classmate and her sister were visiting my area for an annual winery tour. I discovered they were here via FB Friday night and reached out to let them know they were in my neighborhood. They invited me to visit wineries with them and we had a fabulous time. Neither knew of Bob's death. One of the first comments made was to ask how I was able to get away on a Saturday. I explained that they would have no reason to know that my husband died on July 22, 2015. We had hours of fun, wine, meals, and great conversation. It was a wonderful day.

Today I return to the mundane task of cleaning my house. I do plan to add some fun in somewhere.

Are others also not receiving post alerts? I'd love to hear how everyone is doing.  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on October 22, 2017 at 3:49am

Deb S ...  Unfortunately dear friend this is the way grief has been going for some.  Ernie passed in 2011 and although I'm energetic, volunteer, go to Bible Study and out with friends or see my family there is just that hole there that I can't seem to fill so yes, I can cry uncontrollably every so often.  I eat to live,  I have energetic days and other days just like you I lay on the sofa not even  pondering life.  Other times I feel I have some sort of future.  I really fluctuates depending on what is going on in my life.  Even though I go through since this it becomes less intense.  What you are experiencing is very normal and each day you get through is a day you are becoming stronger.



Comment by Marsha H on October 21, 2017 at 9:23pm

Dear Deb ...

You are so sweet to think of me and ask how I'm doing.  I'm not getting any of the posts into my 'in box' and since the forum has been so slow I thought that was just the way it was.  LOL  Don't know why I'm not getting a 'heads up' on new posts.  Hope it's fixed soon.

Luv ya girl


Comment by Steve G. on October 21, 2017 at 5:54pm

Mary Jane, Something to brighten your day (I hope)

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 21, 2017 at 10:00am
Ok kids, do you ever feel like this: Deb P kindly asked how my cat was doing...and the stupidest thought came into my head. And I have found myself thinking stuff like this a lot since Bob died. I WAS AFRAID TO SAY HE WAS DOING FINE because if I said that, it might “jinx” it and he would get sicker and maybe die!!! This is irrational fear and can,t seem to get over it!! Then again, the antibiotics can mess with your mind and feelings. (I googled it lol)
Comment by Mary. Jane on October 20, 2017 at 10:36pm
Thanks guys...I probably have a whole lot to say..but these antibiotics are REALLY screwing with me. But, I looked online, and yes, they can make you depressed and full of anxiety...and this is the time of year 2 years ago the day after Halloween we got Bobs cancer diagnosis.
Deb S, at least you fi
Nd yourself moving forward. I seem to b stuck and not able to do the simplest thing, like clean out even ONE drawer...oh well time for bed.
There were some wonderful things about my trip...even tho it wasn,t the trip of a lifetime, the closeness my daughter and I have was cemented even more, and I actually went wading in the Atlantic Ocean! It isALOT warmer than the pacific...and Virginia Beach is one of the prettiest cities I have ever seen...we got to stay at a HILTON that usually costs $250. Per night, for only $50 a nite, cuz Melinda had racked up points on her business THAT was really cool! And the food everywhere was really really good. Trust me, in Oklahoma the only seafood they offer is Catfish! They have no clue here! Ok goodnight my friends
Comment by Deb S on October 20, 2017 at 5:24pm

Dear friends, Our group has been a bit quiet recently. I can take some of the credit for that as I'm not posting as often as I used to post. Nevertheless, each of you remain in my thoughts. I hope that everyone is doing as well as can be expected. 

I consider myself a strong person but the raw grief experienced by the loss of my husband was an experience that I find hard to put into words. Uncontrollable crying?  Affirmative. Days spent semi-comatose on a couch? Affirmative. Weeks without food or sleep? Affirmative. Minutes and hours and days and months and years in a fog?  Affirmative.

I am now moving forward again. This is not the life I planned but it is my life. Since I have no alternative, it will have to do and I will have to do it well. That's how I roll.

I'd love to hear updates from everyone. I miss you!!!!  Debbie


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