Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 24, 2017 at 12:58am

Dear Marsha,

What a wonderful and caring person you are! You made my day by dropping a personal note to me. I am okay--for my context. I don't post as often anymore because I would be saying over and over again the same things: how still every single day I miss Joseph. The pain is nowhere near where it used to be the first two years, but everyday, like now, I just miss talking to Joseph, hearing his voice, asking him a question, holding him, seeing his smile... You know what I am talking about... Thank you for your kind inquiry. You are one of the angels on this site who keep us going. Thank you, dear Marsha, hope you are having a better day when you are reading this.

Love, Trina

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 23, 2017 at 9:54pm

Steve.....I'm so sorry  you're in the middle of a medical merry-go-round.  Nothing worse than doctors not knowing what's wrong and having to have a fit in order to get their attention.  I hope you don't have Lyme disease but definitely get the blood test to rule it out.  Please don't feel like you're venting or ranting.  This is what family is for.  Say hi to Chuck for me.

Comment by Sara Murphy on October 23, 2017 at 9:37pm

Hi Deb S and is my update.  Today was Ken's birthday and although every day without him hurts, certain days hurt a little more. 

Mary Jane......I'm glad you had a nice vacation.  The east coast really does have the best seafood.  As far as jinxing goes, I don't have any pets so I can't offer an opinion on that one.

Marsha......I'm glad to hear from you.  I've been meaning to send you a message to ask if you're okay but haven't been able to get on the site much in the past week.  I think this is a hole we'll all spend a lifetime trying to fill and won't quite be able to do it. 

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 4:26am

Dear Trina ...  You have been on my mind often and I am wondering how you are doing.  I hope you post soon and put my mind at rest.



Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 4:25am

My dear brother Steve ...

Yup, I'm back; just got off my broomstick!  LOL 

I am so very sorry that you are suffering with your wrist and hand and I'm sure that new specialist will get to the bottom of it.  I understand your frustration because I've gone through the same thing for different issues I have.  I would also like to mention to you that when they gave you the blood test and if one of the tests was for your thyroid it's called a T3/T4 and it's not 100% accurate.  The only true accuracy you can get is by inserting dye.  You may already know this, but just wanted to be sure.

I think it would be a good idea to be checked out for ticks and if they poo-poo it you stand your ground as it doesn't matter to them one way or another whether they check your blood for Lyme Disease although I'm sure you don't have it, but best to rule it out.  I researched ticks too and in your area there are many, but not too many reported cases so hope that makes you feel better.

You aren't ranting at all Steve and you have every right to want to get to the bottom of your pain. 

I am praying hard for you and I just know you're going to get to the bottom of this.

Love you lots

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 3:44am

Deborah Peck ...  When Ernie first passed away it seemed Murphy's Law was somewhere or anywhere I went some woman was either complaining about her husband or what if he passed away and it was like this type of conversation was stuck to me like glue.  Just like you I was so tempted to say something because they sure don't have a clue how it feels.  I am so proud of you that you went to the scrapbooking session.  I did 8 different family albums with stories of my family to give to my brother for Christmas in 2012 and he was in tears when he got it.  I had awesome picture right back to the 1800 of relatives and where they came from, etc.  I wanted to do this so he could pass the albums onto their sons who are in their 30's now and they could pass the albums onto their children. 

Deborah, you are making greater strides than you will ever know even though we use to call them 'baby steps', but those baby steps get us to the next level.  You are doing so well and getting strong by the day.  Take care my friend.

Comment by Marsha H on October 23, 2017 at 3:38am

Deb S ...  So sorry to have read your post wrong and very happy to know that things are going well for you. 

The winery with a mix of your friends sounds wonderful and happy you had a good time.  On Sunday, I got an unexpected call from the very male friend who is like a brother to me and introduced Ernie and I (Ernie and Tom were good friends) and we chatted for well over an hour.  He married and I know his wife Janie who is a wonderful person.  They are having their 50th wedding anniversary in December 2018 and I'm the only one who was in their wedding that is still around.  Tom and Janie want me to be right up there with them and I thought it was so kind of them.  They also want me to go over to Vancouver Island to visit them, but I'll wait until spring when it's nicer.  That is something to look forward to., 

I too have been cleaning washing walls and windows so I don't have to do it all before Christmas.  I'm having 2 Christmas buffets and of course always have a tree. 

I think the post alerts has been fixed as they are now coming into my 'in box.' 

Comment by deborah peck on October 22, 2017 at 9:44pm

went with my sis Barb to a scrap booking convention this weekend , we had such a great time and only had to leave the room twice, both times when tables next to us were discussing people passing away, one table was discussing what they would do if their husbands passed away, and believe me they are totally clueless on the reality of it and it took all my willpower not to tell them that. but all in all it was great but once again sad when I got home, was the only time that I kept thinking I cant wait to tell Greg about my weekend or show him what I did, at home I talk to him all the time maybe that's why, I don't know but I do know that I think Ive finally realized hes really gone, and while its hard and I know that I have a lot of pain to still deal with at least I feel better in that one little area, does that make sense?

Comment by deborah peck on October 22, 2017 at 9:36pm

Steve am sending prayers your way that they get your health issues figured out soon I know it must be so frustrating to be in pain and getting the run around,

Comment by Steve on October 22, 2017 at 3:48pm

Mary Jane,

I checked out the Face book link and only found 3 groups listed so far, none were for grieving spouses.


Good to hear that you are OK.  

To All my family,

I am still running in circles trying to find out exactly what is wrong with my right hand and wrist.  My PCP is the one that sent me to the Orthopedic clinic which referred me to a neurologist that ordered two MRIs and a sonogram of my thyroid.  Went back to my PCP and he disavowed the findings of the neurologist insisting that I have nerve damage even though the tests say otherwise.  So I am in the middle and fit to be tied, when my blood work came back all I got was a phone call stating everything was good.  So I started asking the nurse specific questions about the bloodwork, what the ranges were for thyroid and where my results fell.  I was told that mine were within acceptable ranges.  That is when I lost it and said OK,what does my PCP recommend now since he does not accept that thyroid can cause nerve disorders...and so that's how the merry go round started.

So now in two weeks they have scheduled me with a Nerve specialist in another part of NJ (about an hours drive) and they assure me he will get to the root of my the mean time, the guy that has been mowing our yard always asks how Steve is doing, Chuck relayed the story to him and he asked if Steve has been tested for Lyme Disease.  His neighbor is a carpenter and he started having carpal tunnel symptoms that kept him being able to grip a saw and hammer.  His PCP tested him immediately for Lyme, his results were positive, he was treated with antibiotics and has recovered after about 30 days.  Tomorrow I am going to call my PCP once more and suggest I get tested.  Apparently it is a widespread problem here in NJ, last year when I arrived Chuck and I worked outside a lot and even during the winter and .  Lyme can stay in your system with minimal symptoms that can be misread as having a cold, flu, allergies to pollen, mild arthritis, muscle strain and the list goes on.  When I googled "can lyme cause carpal tunnel symptoms", it came back yes.

I just hope that if I do have it that I can get rid of it and if not that the other doctor will find the right diagnosis.  

Thanks for letting me rant, all of this has worn me down to a place where I was not so long ago and wondering what next?

Hugs to all, your brother Steve


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