Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:07am

Dear Mary Jane, that must be so hard to have the last holidays with Bob marred by all of the illness he and you suffered from, I pray one day you will be able to enjoy them again.Ive always said that if you look araound and listen to other peoples stories there is always someone that had it worse than you and that couldn't be truer with the story you told me, and although this holiday season will be intolerable without Greg ,I am truly lucky that those holidays weren't in the middle of his death, thank you for your story and I hope you have a good weekend. love Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:01am

sry Chuck on the name typo

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:01am

Dear Vhuck, I loved the song it was very on point. I know how you feel with selling the house, after I met Greg and married I sold the house that me and my first husband Robby had, it was truly like loosing him over again, its where we have so many memories of the love we shared and the thrill of buying a home together. But know it is just a house and you are taking  the good part of it with you and that is all the memories that no matter where you go they will always go with you. I pray that it gets easier for you  have a good day Debbie

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 28, 2017 at 7:32am

Dear Deborah Peck,

A few days ago I found myself sitting on a rock in the yard alone, watching the setting sun and the leaves falling and drifting in the cool breeze. A hawk flew into view from my left, soaring so high I could barely make it out against the clouds. I was mesmerized and followed its dips and turns until it was lost in the distance. Why did I think it was Larry? Why could I only remember the day we were talking to the owner from whom we bought this house, and he asked how the man got rid of all the leaves on such a vast property? The reply made us laugh - he said that he let the Guy who put them there take care of that. In other words, they just blow away. Why did I have such a detached and lost feeling that I at first couldn't identify, then recognized as the way I felt in the weeks immediately after I lost my sweet Larry.

No Deborah, I am not surprised at all that the seasons bring back your sadness and longing for your beloved Greg. I have discovered that selling and leaving this house is going to be the second most difficult thing I have ever faced after losing Larry. Honestly, I feel like I am losing him all over again. I share this song with you, and all my family here, to express how I am feeling - perhaps some of us are all facing, or have faced, the same test.

Love and hugs to you my friend, and to all my family - may this weekend bring us all peace.

Comment by Marsha H on October 27, 2017 at 3:59pm

Deborah Peck ...  It is not silly one bit that you would think of Greg with the seasons that come.  I did the same thing and still do.  With each season we have memories of the things we did with our spouses and now we walk alone.  With each season brings holidays and that it's a difficult thing to go through, but I do promise you that as time goes on and although you will never forget your beloved Greg, the pain is less.  I wish I could give you a big hug.


Comment by Mary. Jane on October 27, 2017 at 2:24pm
Deborah P it is not corny at all. Now I measure the winter holidays as barometers leading up to his death. He got “the flu” a few dats before Halloween, he was diagnosed with lung cancer Nov 2, I don,t remember Thanksgiving , but that was around the time they discovered brain cancer..he HATED Christmas, so we completely skipped it he DIDN,t want ANY reminder around the house..but I hung one small silver ornament from the mantel...when he noticed it, he was a bit upset..but contended to that one ornament...during this time we both thought he had a few we had hope for the New Year..but those were dashed at the end of Feb when he developed a stomach tumor...Valentines Day was spent in the hospital...they sent him home in hospice 5 Days later, with enough cans of liquid food for MONTHS, but 3 Days later, he decided all of this work Wasn,t worth it, he took my hand in his, said “Thanyou for everything,” I asked him “Is Warren here?” He said yes, he w as. Warren was his baby brother who died around 15 years ago, in his 50’s...and the next morning he let go, and died.
Bobs quality of life, loosing sight in his optic nerve cuz of the brain radiation, and eating food that could only pass through the feeding tube was just not worth it. I don,t blame him. But the timing kinda ruined the entire holiday season forever from Halloween to Valentines day.
Maybe we should all meet here on Legacy at mid nite EST to wish each other peace,joy, and the best tidying we can muster up! Can,t hurt!
Comment by deborah peck on October 27, 2017 at 8:30am

Its cold here in Missouri this morning and with every change of a season all I can think of its one more change without Greg, I know that is corny to judge his not being here with the seasons changing but its just one more thing to experience without him, not fun!   Steve and Chuck I am so happy for you for selling the house, its one more thing to check off your list, now to figure out the health issues but I'm truly happy that you have found each other and don't have to go thru all this by yourself, you are truly blessed. Its a whole new chapter in your book of life so relish everything about it, love Debby

Comment by Marsha H on October 25, 2017 at 5:57am

Dear Trina ...

I honestly do think of you and wonder how you are doing.  You are too kind with the compliments and I'm an angel with a dented halo.  LOL 

I am in about the same space as you with Joseph and there are days I miss Ernie coming home from work and sitting to talk about how our day went and the weekends I really miss him along with holidays, but the pain isn't as intense as it use to be.  I still talk to him every so often.

I am so happy to hear things are a little easier for you my dear friend. 

Big hugs


Comment by Mary. Jane on October 24, 2017 at 10:11pm
Steve, I am so sorry about your health problems, but delighted that you sold the house! That is HUGE! I really feel for you having to deal with all it’s contents, what to keep, what to get rid of...but you DID it! Do you still have a residence in Dallas? Downsizing is a huge problem...and it is looming over me daily. I cannot even clean out a single drawer..and the one or two that I cleaned out are filled with more stuff! Focus is a huge problem, and with your health problem added to the mix, it seems daunting. I am so sorry you and Chuck are having to go through this.
Comment by Steve on October 24, 2017 at 7:40pm

Hi Mary Jane,

My right hand, fingers and wrist are swollen half as much as my left.  tingling, numbness, weakness and paid is all day and night,  I have brace stints to keep my wrist immobile,  This started back in June and as it progressed I lost the ability to make a fist and the tissue in my hand under each finger was tender to even touch, especially if pressure was applied.

Went to the Primary Doctor and they prescribed 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen twice a day for the pain and to relax the tendons and muscles, didn't work, so they sent me to an orthopedic doc who confirmed I had carpal tunnel and trigger fingers.  He gave me cortisone shots, which helped me gain some strength and mobility in my fingers.  Still could not bend my wrist, to went back and set me up with a neurologist, but had to wait 45 days for an appointment.  Once I got to him, he ran electric current to probes placed on my hand and arm, plus he ran another test using needles implanted in my arm and hand and ran current to those.  His diagnosis was that I did not have carpal tunnel and was more concerned with the swelling and weakness in my right hand.  He set me up for two MRIs, those came back showing that everything in my neck and shoulder was good, in fact he said my spine, neck and other vertebrae did not look like someone who is 70 and was amazed that I had no other health issues, like high blood pressure, cholesterol, et...I do not and have not smoked and I stopped drinking back in my 5o's.  He did see a spot on my thyroid and said we should have a look at that, because problems with thyroid can cause havoc with the nervous system, and simulate symptoms of carpal tunnel.  Went and had sonogram and it confirmed that the spot was a nodule probably benign.  Said to have my blood tested for hypothyroidism, which I did and my primary doctor called to say that my blood work was good.  Had to drag out what that meant, what the ranges were for certain thyroid tests and so on...the main test for hypothyroidism showed that it was slightly elevated but still within acceptable range.  Now at this point I broke bad, when I say him the day of the blood test, and before they took the blood he stated that he did not agree with the neurologist but that we should keep a watch on the nodule on my thyroid.  never once did he offer up what he thought might be wrong with my hand, so when I broke bad he had his nurse set me up with a different neurologist who specializes in greater detail problems with nerve disorders.  So next Tuesday I go see him which by the way is an hours drive.  In the meantime, the guy that mows our yard was asking chuck about how I was doing and he asked if I had been tested for Lyme disease.  He has a neighbor that went thru a similar set of circumstances and he is a carpenter that lost the ability to hold a hammer or a saw and his doctor took a different course of action and did a blood test for Lyme before calling it carpal tunnel which is what he thought he had.

Monday, we get a call from our realtor and we have a buyer and we accepted their offer, they want to close by November 20, we have a house full of furniture that we do not want to take with us, and so we are both just a little overwhelmed right now.  How on earth are we going to get everything done and ready so we can get out of Dodge.

If that wasn't enough, our septic system decided to rear it's ugly head and needs attention...uggggggh! 

So that's it for now, Chuck has been busy today answering and approving all of the legal changes to the sale contract with the lawyer, good grief there is so much to selling a house now, at least from tonight on the Lawyers can duke it out, we just have to start packing, eliminating, giving away and throwing away stuff so we can move...if it sounds like I am rambling it is because my brain hurts more than my hand.


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