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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on November 1, 2017 at 4:02am

Debbie P.  

I haven't been getting some of the posts in my 'in box.' 

It is quiet on Legacy, but it just seems to go that way every so often. 

I totally understand how difficult special occasions such as Halloween and other holidays (Christmas and especially New Year's Eve) is difficult for me still.  My Ernie loved Halloween and really got into it and he also loved Christmas so since he passed I have carried on with tradition and even had two buffets before Christmas; one for my small immediate family and one for a few friends.  It sometimes feel lonely when everyone still has their spouse, but once things get going and we have a few laughs I find now I enjoy myself a little more, but still miss Ernie. 

I promise you as time goes on although you will miss your beloved that the emptiness of special occasions and holidays become less traumatic.  For now, may I suggest you set-up meeting with a friend or having a friend over during holidays or spending it with family.  It hurts for sure still, but it still fills that void to a degree of not feeling so alone.

I wish you peace.

Comment by DJ on October 31, 2017 at 11:15pm
Debbie P. It seems lately comments come in bursts. I check in pretty much every day, even though I rarely comment. I think there are several of us who "lurk".
My wife loved all these holidays, and I would be swept up in her joie de vivre. I let her talk me through them nowadays, so as to keep a bit of her spirit alive. Christmas is the hardest for me, as she had to be Santa's most enthusiastic elf.
Comment by deborah peck on October 31, 2017 at 10:42pm

so sad no one is ever on here anymore, am so glad this holiday is over, never even liked Holloween but was so hard, am dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:07am

Dear Mary Jane, that must be so hard to have the last holidays with Bob marred by all of the illness he and you suffered from, I pray one day you will be able to enjoy them again.Ive always said that if you look araound and listen to other peoples stories there is always someone that had it worse than you and that couldn't be truer with the story you told me, and although this holiday season will be intolerable without Greg ,I am truly lucky that those holidays weren't in the middle of his death, thank you for your story and I hope you have a good weekend. love Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:01am

sry Chuck on the name typo

Comment by deborah peck on October 28, 2017 at 11:01am

Dear Vhuck, I loved the song it was very on point. I know how you feel with selling the house, after I met Greg and married I sold the house that me and my first husband Robby had, it was truly like loosing him over again, its where we have so many memories of the love we shared and the thrill of buying a home together. But know it is just a house and you are taking  the good part of it with you and that is all the memories that no matter where you go they will always go with you. I pray that it gets easier for you  have a good day Debbie

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 28, 2017 at 7:32am

Dear Deborah Peck,

A few days ago I found myself sitting on a rock in the yard alone, watching the setting sun and the leaves falling and drifting in the cool breeze. A hawk flew into view from my left, soaring so high I could barely make it out against the clouds. I was mesmerized and followed its dips and turns until it was lost in the distance. Why did I think it was Larry? Why could I only remember the day we were talking to the owner from whom we bought this house, and he asked how the man got rid of all the leaves on such a vast property? The reply made us laugh - he said that he let the Guy who put them there take care of that. In other words, they just blow away. Why did I have such a detached and lost feeling that I at first couldn't identify, then recognized as the way I felt in the weeks immediately after I lost my sweet Larry.

No Deborah, I am not surprised at all that the seasons bring back your sadness and longing for your beloved Greg. I have discovered that selling and leaving this house is going to be the second most difficult thing I have ever faced after losing Larry. Honestly, I feel like I am losing him all over again. I share this song with you, and all my family here, to express how I am feeling - perhaps some of us are all facing, or have faced, the same test.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ehx2_JJVhc

Love and hugs to you my friend, and to all my family - may this weekend bring us all peace.

Comment by Marsha H on October 27, 2017 at 3:59pm

Deborah Peck ...  It is not silly one bit that you would think of Greg with the seasons that come.  I did the same thing and still do.  With each season we have memories of the things we did with our spouses and now we walk alone.  With each season brings holidays and that it's a difficult thing to go through, but I do promise you that as time goes on and although you will never forget your beloved Greg, the pain is less.  I wish I could give you a big hug.

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on October 27, 2017 at 2:24pm
Deborah P it is not corny at all. Now I measure the winter holidays as barometers leading up to his death. He got “the flu” a few dats before Halloween, he was diagnosed with lung cancer Nov 2, I don,t remember Thanksgiving , but that was around the time they discovered brain cancer..he HATED Christmas, so we completely skipped it he DIDN,t want ANY reminder around the house..but I hung one small silver ornament from the mantel...when he noticed it, he was a bit upset..but contended to that one ornament...during this time we both thought he had a few years...so we had hope for the New Year..but those were dashed at the end of Feb when he developed a stomach tumor...Valentines Day was spent in the hospital...they sent him home in hospice 5 Days later, with enough cans of liquid food for MONTHS, but 3 Days later, he decided all of this work Wasn,t worth it, he took my hand in his, said “Thanyou for everything,” I asked him “Is Warren here?” He said yes, he w as. Warren was his baby brother who died around 15 years ago, in his 50’s...and the next morning he let go, and died.
Bobs quality of life, loosing sight in his optic nerve cuz of the brain radiation, and eating food that could only pass through the feeding tube was just not worth it. I don,t blame him. But the timing kinda ruined the entire holiday season forever from Halloween to Valentines day.
Maybe we should all meet here on Legacy at mid nite EST to wish each other peace,joy, and the best tidying we can muster up! Can,t hurt!
Comment by deborah peck on October 27, 2017 at 8:30am

Its cold here in Missouri this morning and with every change of a season all I can think of its one more change without Greg, I know that is corny to judge his not being here with the seasons changing but its just one more thing to experience without him, not fun!   Steve and Chuck I am so happy for you for selling the house, its one more thing to check off your list, now to figure out the health issues but I'm truly happy that you have found each other and don't have to go thru all this by yourself, you are truly blessed. Its a whole new chapter in your book of life so relish everything about it, love Debby

 

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