Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 59 minutes ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25.
Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25.
Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by Deb S Sep 24.
Moving Part 1
One year ago this very month I left Dallas, TX heading north for Bloomsbury, NJ, I had spent the entire month of October packing and saying my goodbyes to all my friends at work and at church, I was finally retiring from work. Everyone thought I was a little crazy when I told them where I was retiring too, I could tell this from the way they would ask me “why New Jersey”. A few very close friends knew exactly why and were not at all surprised by my sudden decision to leave work, pack up my apartment and head north.
Three years ago this very month I lost my partner of 25 years to a neurological disorder that caused him to have seizures, his symptoms were very similar to Parkinson’s Disease. Mark knew that his disorder was a hereditary defect affecting only the males from his family history. Mark and I had 25 years just like any other couple, we had our share of joy and disappointments, but through it all we persevered and we loved each other very much. All those years together we seldom argued, oh we had our differences, we just decided early on that life was too short to let everyday ups and downs to take over. Mark was the one that taught me to relish each day, to be happy and not to regret anything; this was the basis of our success, just one simple rule, to love each other as if it were our last day together. I was the one that found this more difficult as if it was something foreign to me, but Mark would pull me around to his way of looking at life and it is because of him that I can move forward through life now without him by my side.
Mark’s past and family history was much different than my own, and yet we both shared one common factor, our families labeled and to some degree judged us for who we were not. Biological families have a tendency to view us by the standards to which they have lived their lives instead of just accepting each other as the same person we have always been, such as cousins, brothers, sisters and so on. As we all grew up together we each had to find our own way through this life by making the decision to be the best person we could be, not by choosing our life based on those around us but by examining ourselves, understanding ourselves and then moving forward to be the person that we were and not the person everyone expected us to be.
Mark came from a very wealthy family, his mother was an accomplished British archaeologist and his father was a member of the US Ambassador team servicing various parts of Europe and Africa. Mark had an older brother and the two of them, along with their family, traveled and moved from one country to another. Mark’s stories of his childhood were fascinating and yet shrouded in underlying currents of sadness and happiness associated with growing up always on the move.
I don't think I realized how much Gregs passing had an affect on extended family until I went to dinner with my sister last night and we were discussing a candlelight ceremony that the funeral home is having for my husband and others this month, and how we always go to a ceremony for her baby who passed from sids 17 yrs ago, every year we have gone to this and she tells me she doesn't know if she wants to go this year and I ask why, she tells me that in all these years Greg was at every one of these and starts crying and says she doesn't know if she can do it knowing he is not here, truly touched my heart and we both cried a little sitting in the restaurant , its funny how you get so wrapped up in your own pain that you don't notice others are hurting too
Mary Jane, I do the same thing on here and its always at night when I too am lonely, Thank God we have someplace to talk even in the middle of the night so blather away anytime
Dear Marsha and Sara, my family does know about my health issue, I told them as soon as I found out, I meant that I don't want to discuss it with them as I don't want to upset them or scare them so I just kinda blow it off as its nothing when I'm around them, And I do know this will all be fine in the end, just don't want to deal with this again or having surgery on my neck, thanks for all your support Debbie
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