Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on November 16, 2017 at 12:23pm

dear Christine, I'm sorry your in so much pain, I know exactly how you feel, on not wanting to be here, ita very hard to go on after losing a spouse, I too lost 2 husbands, one when I was 32 and then my husband Greg who passed in May, its very difficult to get thru and to think of going the rest of your life without your spouse but you and I both know we can do it because we already have, and we know time does not heal anything, we just learn to go on. Suicide is not the answer, my dad commited suicide and I know the pain it leaves to deal with for family and friends, its not the right thing to do to everyone else. Its still so new for you (me too) and the approaching Holidays make it that much worse but get thru it we will, Concentrate on day by day instead of the future right now, its too painful to even think of the future. Don't give up, you can and will get thru this and we are all here to help you so keep reaching out and we will do it together one day at a time  Debby P

Comment by Christine Blaire on November 16, 2017 at 11:10am

My husband and I met late in life...he widowed . He was a very abusive man and by time he passed I had no feelings left for him. Four years later I met my soul mate, the love of my life. In the five and a half years we were together we never had a cross word,held hands all the time and loved each other more than words can say. He had a Dr. Who did not listen to his complaints so we switched drs. August 25 he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. Infection set in and he passed  Nov. 1. As I write this his ashes are sitting in front of me. I don't want to be here at the end he promised to wait for me. I feel like a robot. My life insurance won't pay for suicide till March. My brother who was very ill committed suicide 30 years ago. I am 66 and I will NOT live another twenty something years without him.if we are hurting so bad and hate waking up in the morning why can't we just go? I know....time heals and all that crap but I don't believe it and know it doesn't apply to me.

Comment by Steve on November 16, 2017 at 7:31am

Good morning Legacy family, got my latest test results yesterday on my right hand and arm.  My neurologist has agreed with the first neurologist, I do not have carpal tunnel, he believes that I have some form of rheumatoid arthritis, however, he did give me script for getting a blood test for Lyme...

So for now, until we get to Dallas, will schedule a visit to a Rheumatologist after I get a blood test...

Thank you one and all for your support.

Comment by Marsha H on November 16, 2017 at 1:27am

Kaela ..  I hope you are doing better and I do think of you.  I can still have the odd nightmare if I'm under a lot of stress, but thankfully they generally go away.  Remember, it's your body's way of coping with stress.  It's very normal and more common than you think.   

Comment by Marsha H on November 16, 2017 at 1:25am

Deborah P ...  I'm pray for you!  I am so happy you don't chemo!  What a blessing.  I had surgery shortly after Ernie passed away (non cancerous) and I was a basket case before I went in for the surgery, but oddly enough was as calm as could be when I went in for the surgery and was out the same day.  You're going to make it girl!  We're all behind you.  Please keep us up-to-date.

Big hug


Comment by deborah peck on November 15, 2017 at 10:52pm

Went to see the surgeon today and I will have surgery on Friday, not looking forward to it this close to a holiday that I am already dreading, the good news is he doesn't think I will have to have chemo after all, so yah!. Not wanting to do a  this but have no choice and thankfully it was caught in time but surely hate putting my kids thru this so soon after the death of their dad,but it could be worse so I'm ready to get it done. 

Comment by Kaela Roster Federle on November 15, 2017 at 4:56pm

Hello everyone,

I've been quiet lately but I have still been on here reading everyone's comments and they are so touching. I love reading about the signs from your loved ones as well as your experiences with the dreams. Deborah P I am so sorry about that nightmare, Marsha explained it perfectly. I have also been plagued with horrible nightmares about the morning of Brian's passing where I am trying to revive him over and over in different scenarios. The meds have helped with those through. I also have good dreams and sad dreams about him. Lots of symbolic dreams. Sigh. 

- Kaela

Comment by Marsha H on November 14, 2017 at 3:08pm

Deborah P.  ...  I am happy you got some peace out of my post on nightmares.  It is normal and many people do have twisted dreams; some good/some not so good.

I like the post you left that it's the little things we miss that our spouses use to do.  How true that is and it sure puts our lives into perspective.  I use to get after Ernie for coming home from work all dirty and leaving black finger prints on the side of the kitchen door jam and I'd give anything now to see those finger prints.  He would make me tea in the mornings on the weekend and even make dinner every so often to give me a break.  When he got home from work and after he showered we'd sit down him with his glass of wine and me with my tea and talk over each other's day and how I miss that!  I know exactly what you are saying Deborah.  I still look at Ernie's big chair and sometimes I close my eyes and hope when I open them by some miracle he'll be sitting in it.

I hope you are having a better day Deborah.  It does get better and like it or not we do get stronger and eventually set into a routine. 

Comment by deborah peck on November 14, 2017 at 10:03am

Marsha I like the way you kinda figured out my dream and it made sense to me, I'm sorry for anyone that experiences these nightmares but maybe your right and its explaining why they cant help us when we need them most

Comment by deborah peck on November 14, 2017 at 10:00am

Ive discovered its the little things you miss most after your spouse dies, holding hands, kissing goodnight, having him making me a cup of tea in the morning, taking a drive to look at the changing leaves, playing games together and I could continue but I know you all understand what I am talking about.


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