Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on November 20, 2017 at 12:05am

Christine ...  Don't feel badly about getting your stepson and his wife to put Marshall's ashes in the companion urn.  I didn't have to do that so I can imagine how difficult it would have been if you had to do it.  I forgot to tell you that on Valentine's Day, our anniversary and Christmas, I always get a card still for my Ernie.  I've done it for almost 7 years now.  I just feel he knows.  Call me crazy!

Everyone deals with especially Christmas in their own way.  Because Ernie and I loved Christmas and 1 minute after midnight on Christmas Eve we'd have our own private Christmas I just had to keep up with the traditions so each year up goes the tree although I don't decorate as elaborately as I use to.  Some how I just can feel him around on Christmas Eve and if it's my imagination I don't really care!  You do what is comfortable for you.

I hope if you get invitations from family or friends that you will accept one or two of them.  It won't be easy and it sure won't feel the same without Marshall there, but it's good to be around loving family and friends.  You may not realize it at the time, but that helps you heal too. 

I just feel you are a fighter and stronger than you think and you know deep in your heart Marshall would not want to see you not take your medication or take your own life.  Boy, I sure thought of it many times, but something just stopped me. 

Take good care of yourself and we're here for you.

Comment by Marsha H on November 19, 2017 at 11:58pm

Deborah P.   I am so happy your surgery is over and all went well.  I just knew it would.  So proud of you as I know it wasn't easy for you.  Rest and take good care of yourself.



Comment by Marsha H on November 19, 2017 at 11:56pm

Chicago Beard ...  What a beautiful quote and thank you for leaving it.  It does say exactly how much we give to those who have passed away. 

Comment by Christine Blaire on November 19, 2017 at 9:37pm

Last night my step son and wife came over and put my Marshall s ashes inn the companion urn I bought for us. I just couldn't. I know it was hard for him but bless him. I have friends calling,stopping by,texting but they even said they can't imagine what I'm feeling. I had the house decorated for Christmas except for the tree. He loved it so much but I couldn't do it. I guess too soon so I took it all back down except the village that I made. My heart isn't in it. Tomorrow morning I see the therapist so we'll see how that goes. I'm not hopeful but ill go for now. It does help to be able to talk to you all on here. You know and understand. I feel worthless, useless, and have no desire to leave the house. My purpose in life was to love my husband and love we did. We always said that no matter where we went, or who we were with, when that door shuts at night it's just the two of us. Now there's just me and I don't know how long I will be able to do it. But I will try.. I guess that's all I can do for now.

Comment by Mary. Jane on November 19, 2017 at 6:32pm
CHRISTINE...I want you to promise me, and all the others here, that you will do something for all of us. I understand the horrible amount of pain you are going through...and a totally understand the desire to commit suicide, as I have thought about it a lot in the past...but the way you have decided to do it, by squandering your blood pressure medication, taking only one a day instead of the prescribed two so you can save a bunch to take and stop your heart? Have you goggled this?
I, too take lisenpril..for high BP...I discovered I had it, by getting a series of NOSE BLEEDS in a few days. The Dr said it was a good thing I had them..otherwise it. Outdoor have resulted in a STROKE instead of nosebleed..., I could have had a stroke...and people don,t always die from a could be paralyzed, unable to function, and yet still be able to you really want that? So please take your meds, and wait on this suicide thing.
There is something I do I find very helpful..I keep a journal...not every day, but a lot...and if you do that, you might be able to go back and read something you wrote..and it might help also helps to get your emotions out.
I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship...because I know how terrible that can be. I won,t eloaborate, but there were a few years in my marriage that were not almost 50 years, in some of the early years, you combine 2 people with alcohol, drugs, and anger and trying to control another person...and sometimes there are bad times. You were fortunate and got out, BOb and I were blessed and shaped up. What doesn,t kill you makes you stronger, and in my case..our love was strong enough to weather those bad times.
I can,t believe I just posted that...I feel like I betrayed my husband...but if it will help me to save your life, I think BOb would be ok with it.
Besides..what if you were meant for something great? What if some small kindness you inadvertently did, helped save someone else’s life? You never know. I used to ask BOb (my husband of 49 years) if through all this pain of brain cancer and stomach cancer, loss of his eyesite from the brain radiation, his food administered through a tube in his stomach) if he ever thought of suicide? He would actually get a bit angry, his reply was always the same: “Hell NO! I want to see this thing through”. And that’s just what he did.

hang in there Christine...the world needs you...
Comment by Mary. Jane on November 19, 2017 at 5:53pm
Ok here I go again...but I have a lot to respond to. DEBORAH P I am so happy all went well...but I knew you would be OK. BEARD..thank you for that...u r just adorable. is good to have you posting next post is going to be just for get ready.
Comment by Chicago Beard on November 19, 2017 at 5:43pm


Thanks. I felt the same way when I saw it which is why I copied and pasted it here.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on November 19, 2017 at 5:24pm

Dear Deborah,

Very glad to hear that your surgery went well and that you are not feeling too much discomfort. Hope your heeling goes better as each day goes by. Sending prayers so that your pathology report comes out negative, clean. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on November 19, 2017 at 5:21pm

Chicago Beard, what an elegant way to describe grief. I couldn't stop the tears when I read your post. Thanks for sharing this with us: simple, beautiful, yet so deep.

Comment by deborah peck on November 19, 2017 at 3:52pm

So my surgery went good, not too much discomfort and the scar will be along the underside of my jawbone, so that's good, go back next week to have stitches out and get the pathology report. so I think its all good


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