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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on November 20, 2017 at 10:43am

Dear Christine,   I think most of us have been thru the feelings you are going thru. when my 1st husband passed I too would think of ways to join him and the only thing that stopped me was my 3 little girls I needed to raise, , now with Greg I would sit on my deck and look at the lake and wonder how long it would take me to drown myself our if our natural instinct for survival would kick in and not allow me to drown, have even thought of jumping off a bridge but knowing my luck I would just end up having to have someone care for my till I eventually died when its my actual time to go. So as you can see I'm still here and still doing this day by day. I knw you think no one else can possibly know your pain and you think no one else could possibly have loved like the 2 of you did so how could anyone possibly be able to relate to you, I know this because those are my thoughts too , I wont say it will get better because after losing my 1st husband 35 years later I would still cry for him and wonder what could of been even though I had remarried , thye are always in our hearts, nut I do know both of my husbands would be so mad if I ever gave up because they know that someday we will be together, not sure how it will work with the three of us together(lol) but I know we are where we are supposed to be and they are where they are supposed to be and its impossible to understand why. but you take good care of yourself , sounds like you have plenty of family to help you, let them.    debby

Comment by deborah peck on November 20, 2017 at 10:28am

tomorrow is my birthday, a day my Greg always made a big deal out of, we were so looking forward to this one because I will turn 62 (gulp) which would mean retiring and the beginning of us spending our time together traveling to see all the national parks in the U.S. which might sound corny but we loved nature and taking roadtrips just the two of us.So now that dream is gone and I try not to think of what should be and try to think of how to rebuild my future now. This Thanksgiving and Christmas will be so hard to get thru but I know I will. I'm still having my entire extended family over for the holidays as we always did but now my sister will be helping me get it ready instead of my husband. Greg was always a huge Auburn football fan as he grew up in Alabama so Ive decided to honor his memory this year and am changing my Angel tree in my living room into a Auburn tree, I think he would love it and it will feel like he is a part of it . As far as Thanksgiving dinner goes the one thing I'm having a hard time dealing with is the preparation of the mashed potatoes, I know that is so weird but he was the one that always peeled them and mashed them up so not sure how to do that without bawling thru it, isn't it strange the small things that we tie into our loved ones lives. I don't kmow but I do know that soon this ear of holidays will be gone and we will know we can survive the Holidays withought our loved ones even if we don't want to

Comment by Marsha H on November 20, 2017 at 12:10am

Dear Steve ...   I am so happy to hear that at least you don't have carpal tunnel issues and now for the rest of the tests.  It sounds like your doctor is on the ball considering a test for Lyme Disease because many doctors never do test for it and you probably know the symptoms, aches and pains, headaches, weakness, etc.  I sure hope you don't have that, but at the same time pray they will find out what is wrong and can rectify it for you.

You're also in my prayers and give Chuck a hug for me.

Love your sis

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on November 20, 2017 at 12:06am

Trina ..  I always smile when I see you pop in to visit us and catch up on a few posts.  As I said before I do think of you often.  I hope my dear friend you are doing a little better.  It seems we are dealing the same way with thing ...  the best way we can.  Carry that torch!

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on November 20, 2017 at 12:05am

Christine ...  Don't feel badly about getting your stepson and his wife to put Marshall's ashes in the companion urn.  I didn't have to do that so I can imagine how difficult it would have been if you had to do it.  I forgot to tell you that on Valentine's Day, our anniversary and Christmas, I always get a card still for my Ernie.  I've done it for almost 7 years now.  I just feel he knows.  Call me crazy!

Everyone deals with especially Christmas in their own way.  Because Ernie and I loved Christmas and 1 minute after midnight on Christmas Eve we'd have our own private Christmas I just had to keep up with the traditions so each year up goes the tree although I don't decorate as elaborately as I use to.  Some how I just can feel him around on Christmas Eve and if it's my imagination I don't really care!  You do what is comfortable for you.

I hope if you get invitations from family or friends that you will accept one or two of them.  It won't be easy and it sure won't feel the same without Marshall there, but it's good to be around loving family and friends.  You may not realize it at the time, but that helps you heal too. 

I just feel you are a fighter and stronger than you think and you know deep in your heart Marshall would not want to see you not take your medication or take your own life.  Boy, I sure thought of it many times, but something just stopped me. 

Take good care of yourself and we're here for you.

Comment by Marsha H on November 19, 2017 at 11:58pm

Deborah P.   I am so happy your surgery is over and all went well.  I just knew it would.  So proud of you as I know it wasn't easy for you.  Rest and take good care of yourself.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on November 19, 2017 at 11:56pm

Chicago Beard ...  What a beautiful quote and thank you for leaving it.  It does say exactly how much we give to those who have passed away. 

Comment by Christine Blaire on November 19, 2017 at 9:37pm

Last night my step son and wife came over and put my Marshall s ashes inn the companion urn I bought for us. I just couldn't. I know it was hard for him but bless him. I have friends calling,stopping by,texting but they even said they can't imagine what I'm feeling. I had the house decorated for Christmas except for the tree. He loved it so much but I couldn't do it. I guess too soon so I took it all back down except the village that I made. My heart isn't in it. Tomorrow morning I see the therapist so we'll see how that goes. I'm not hopeful but ill go for now. It does help to be able to talk to you all on here. You know and understand. I feel worthless, useless, and have no desire to leave the house. My purpose in life was to love my husband and love we did. We always said that no matter where we went, or who we were with, when that door shuts at night it's just the two of us. Now there's just me and I don't know how long I will be able to do it. But I will try.. I guess that's all I can do for now.

Comment by Mary. Jane on November 19, 2017 at 6:32pm
CHRISTINE...I want you to promise me, and all the others here, that you will do something for all of us. I understand the horrible amount of pain you are going through...and a totally understand the desire to commit suicide, as I have thought about it a lot in the past...but the way you have decided to do it, by squandering your blood pressure medication, taking only one a day instead of the prescribed two so you can save a bunch to take and stop your heart? Have you goggled this?
I, too take lisenpril..for high BP...I discovered I had it, by getting a series of NOSE BLEEDS in a few days. The Dr said it was a good thing I had them..otherwise it. Outdoor have resulted in a STROKE instead of nosebleed..., I could have had a stroke...and people don,t always die from a stroke...you could be paralyzed, unable to function, and yet still be able to think...do you really want that? So please take your meds, and wait on this suicide thing.
There is something I do I find very helpful..I keep a journal...not every day, but a lot...and if you do that, you might be able to go back and read something you wrote..and it might help you..it also helps to get your emotions out.
I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship...because I know how terrible that can be. I won,t eloaborate, but there were a few years in my marriage that were not rosy...in almost 50 years, in some of the early years, you combine 2 people with alcohol, drugs, and anger and trying to control another person...and sometimes there are bad times. You were fortunate and got out, BOb and I were blessed and shaped up. What doesn,t kill you makes you stronger, and in my case..our love was strong enough to weather those bad times.
I can,t believe I just posted that...I feel like I betrayed my husband...but if it will help me to save your life, I think BOb would be ok with it.
Besides..what if you were meant for something great? What if some small kindness you inadvertently did, helped save someone else’s life? You never know. I used to ask BOb (my husband of 49 years) if through all this pain of brain cancer and stomach cancer, loss of his eyesite from the brain radiation, his food administered through a tube in his stomach) if he ever thought of suicide? He would actually get a bit angry, his reply was always the same: “Hell NO! I want to see this thing through”. And that’s just what he did.
THE WOODS ARE LOVELY
DARK AND DEEP
BUT I HAVE PROMISES TO KEEP
AND MILES TO GO
BEFORE I SLEEP....

hang in there Christine...the world needs you...
Comment by Mary. Jane on November 19, 2017 at 5:53pm
Ok here I go again...but I have a lot to respond to. DEBORAH P I am so happy all went well...but I knew you would be OK. BEARD..thank you for that...u r just adorable. TRINA..it is good to have you posting again..CHRISTINE...my next post is going to be just for you...so get ready.
 

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