Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: yesterday
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Legacy.com Dec 28, 2017.
Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017.
Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017.
Well, tonight is my husband's celebration of life party. My husband did karaoke shows for 17 years and there will be one at the vfw where he entertained for over three years. I have gotten dressed up as I always did for him. He was the entertainer and I his wife so I dressed the part...it always made him proud. I'm not driving tonight which will be a good thing. Latvian will be my main course tonight! On another note, had a Dr appt yesterday. The result...I need a mammogram sandwich will be this Tuesday plus two chest trays and a scheduled needle biopsy if needed.. the Dr said I have a large mass at 10:00 on my left breast. She then started to talk about treatment because she is very very concerned. I had to tell her Wahoo!! I'm not having any treatments. She said it could possibly be removed and not need chemo or radiation. Again I told her no. I have read that untreated it varies of course but two to two and a half are expected. That's fine with me. I can handle that and I know...after the shock of my husband's death I might change my mind and by then it will be too late. That song happen. I'm not living, I'm nearly existing. That won't change. So, I'm hoping for what I call the best on Tuesday. My daughter is .com Nguyen with me cause they will numb the area where they will take the biopsy. If I lay down and raise my arm over my head you can see most of the lump. Well, what will be will be. After I heard this a funny thing happened. I was strangely calm and peaceful. Well tonight won't be peaceful so wish me luck!!!!
Mary Jane, I am so sorry your day didn't go how you wanted it to, I had been thinking of you in jammies with a blamket curled up on the couch. sometimes things just don't go according to plan it totally stinks especially when your just trying to get thru the day . That day is over now ( thank God) and survive it we did, so yah to all of us! love Debbie
Deborah.....this too was my first holiday without Marshall. He just passed on Nov 1. I went to his sons house,who calls me mom, even though his mother was there too. I have a good relationship with her because the divorce was a very long time ago. When Ben got up to give the blessing he broke down. It's good you have your girls, they will make you go on. Marshall and I were always together except when I went to the store and after an hour couldn't wait to get back to him. He wouldn't even go to the auto parts store without me. We loved each other so much that the only time we were really happy was when we were together. I can't stand this...that's why I hope and pray this lump will let me be with my beloved soon. Tomorrow is a celebration of his life, there will be food and karaoke that he loved and ran Blaire audio karaoke and dj.for 17 years. I'm not driving,my step daughters boyfriend is driving, he doesn't drink. I think I'll be too emotional to get drunk, which I don't want to do anyway, but ill have lots of ativan to get me thru. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it but a lot of people are really going out of their way to do this. I hate this...I don't care what anyone says, my life will never be the same, I don't want to be here and I see no reason to be. There is no future.
Deborah ... I'm so proud of you for even attempting to go to your family's for Thanksgiving. You are very lucky they too shed tears along with you and your girl. My family miss Ernie, but no tears shed and they tried to stay off the subject. I ended up going to the washroom a lot because of it and had a bit of a cry. The first year without our spouses is difficult and I still miss Ernie, but the pain isn't a severe as the first year or two. You will get through Christmas because of the girls. We're stronger than we think.
This was the 1st Thanksgiving without Greg and it was so hard, lots of tears and sadness but also is always nice to see family and most of them shed tears along with me and our girls, cant imagine how Christmas will be, wish I could just go spend it by myself but my family would panic if I did that oh well we all did get thru it and next year it will be that much easier because we will know that even though we don't want to we will survive the Holidays
Dear Christine ... In raw grief the Happy holidays aren't so happy and seem to put more pressure on us to smile and 'put that mask on' when we only feel we want to curl up in a fetal position and cry or make the world go away. I am so proud you are going to Marshall's sons for dinner. I managed to do the same thing with my immediate family. It wasn't easy, but I made it and felt exhausted when I got home. Now after 6 years it's become much easier even though I look at that empty chair Ernie use to sit in, but I like to think he is there in spirit.
I am going to Bible Study tonight so will have the group say a prayer for you and hope your mammogram comes out just fine. Because you have a lump doesn't mean it's the big 'C' word. I have lump masses in both breasts so I have to have a mammogram and also another test to confirm all is well and so far so good. I often feel ignorance is bliss at times, but something just makes me go which proves to me somewhere deep inside of me I still want to live.
I will be thinking of you Christine on Saturday when you have Marshall's Celebration of Life. I had the same thing for Ernie and I didn't need sedatives because I was in too much shock. I hardly remember anything. I was glad when it was over. Take care my friend and hang in there.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO MY AMERICAN FRIENDS
So glad that you are able to write. Sharing here has become so vital to my survival that I have become an in-box junkie. Please stay with us.
Nice to get out? That's what they say, and I try too. Do you have a good relationship with your son, other children? How is he (they) dealing with the loss of your beloved Marshall? and I say that because my David will always be my beloved and not diminished by death. I won't have it.
I am also glad you have gotten back with your Dr. - for the wrong reasons? maybe, but at least you went. I understand that. Sometimes I find comfort in knowing, after two strokes, that I won't have a much longer wait to be reunited with Dave -- I take any comfort anywhere I can find it; it is whatever gets us thru the nite.
Because of our not having the time to wait for family and friends to gather for a celebration of life for David, I have dread, as I know that my guilt will win out and we will have the celebration at a later date. I honestly don't know how I'll be able to handle it. I have had to stuff it w/family and friends, and put on that face. A celebration will yank my guts out and rip this face off - will I have to begin it all over again? Yeah, I'll need something too; hopefully it will be all of the fine folks here.
Please keep writing anything anytime, Chris. It's OK no matter what you're feeling.
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