Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 21 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28.
Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10.
Started by Legacy.com Dec 28, 2017.
Thanks. I felt the same way when I saw it which is why I copied and pasted it here.
Very glad to hear that your surgery went well and that you are not feeling too much discomfort. Hope your heeling goes better as each day goes by. Sending prayers so that your pathology report comes out negative, clean.
Chicago Beard, what an elegant way to describe grief. I couldn't stop the tears when I read your post. Thanks for sharing this with us: simple, beautiful, yet so deep.
So my surgery went good, not too much discomfort and the scar will be along the underside of my jawbone, so that's good, go back next week to have stitches out and get the pathology report. so I think its all good
I don't post as much because there is nothing new to add, but I read your posts and empathize with the pain and suffering. It's been three years since my wonderful Joseph left this world. I have now learned how to function on a day to day basis, but the effort it takes to do simple things such as get up in the morning and face the new day has not diminished one little bit. What has improved is my ability to hide my daily pain and sense of loss from the world and go on as if I am okay. I am not okay, I miss Joseph unbearably and the missing and the longing doesn't get any less. All this is so pointless. But as Marsha so wisely says, we carry on in the name of our departed beloved, we carry the torch for them, so to speak. My living now is more because I have to, not because I care or want to. But live we must as life goes on. (I don't wish to take my own life; it's not an option for me.)
I am sorry for everyone's suffering on this site, and for you, too, Christine. Sending my good thoughts for you all.
Dear Christine ... You have had incredible sorrow in your past life and I'm so proud that you managed to stand up for yourself because so few women do. It must have been difficult to be caregiver to your abuser, but you have a great heart and saw it to the end. I too have a brother 6 years younger than me and he was my parents favorite. I also understand that family and friends seem to get on with their own lives and some disappear; expecting us to get on with our own lives even though we are broken-hearted and grief has no timeline.
If you feel your therapist isn't helping you can go to grief counseling at some churches (free of charge) or Hospice Centers where there are members there you can relate to. You also have Legacy and we're here for you too.
I too married quickly to get out of the house and my ex was verbally abusive so I divorced him and that's when I met my beloved Ernie and like you with your loving spouse I felt safe and never knew that I could love someone so deeply and feel so safe so it seemed to me so unfair when I met my one and only that he had to pass away. I asked all the questions most do, 'why didn't I go with him; what was the point of being here' to 'why did this happen?' It all seemed so unfair.
I too had lost my faith, but when I got over the initial shock of Ernie's passing I realized I had to go on in his memory; carry the torch so to speak. He taught me so many wonderful things to pass onto others and I looked back at what I had been when I was much younger and before I first got married and found 'me.' Ernie fell in love with 'me' and so now I've reverted back to day one to find 'me.' We are of use and we can find something useful in our lives. I volunteer for a dog shelter to adopt dogs out and go every Sunday and not only did it give me some peace of mind, but it put life into some sort of perspective for me. I have joined a Bible Study Group with wonderful people, but my faith is not 100% yet. Although I detest it when people say 'I'm strong' I surprised myself going through almost 7 years of the loss of my Ernie and I found I was strong because I reached out to others to try and help them get through grief or other issues in their lives. I've met a few new friend, but I won't lie, I still can feel lonely, but then get up and get busy. You are in raw grief and still on this journey of grief which we all have to go through, but hon, you are going to make it (don't think for one minute I didn't have pills I could have used to end it all) but, for some reason I didn't and glad I didn't. We are all here to help you through the rough spots and to let you know we are all going through many different emotions. You're going to make it and I promise you will find a reason for living. Your wonderful husband would never want you to give up because there is light at the end of the tunnel. Lean on us!
Not only do you have this indescribable grief to bear, you have a lot of baggage from a lifetime of abuse and hurt. Give yourself a break.
I also lost the love of my life recently and am feeling the same way you are right now - it's a nightmare that you cannot wake from, so we sleep as much as we can to avoid the reality.
God's promises and the words of well-meaning relatives and friends are a lot of bull - these people quickly become unavailable - no one can understand this pain.
I can't imagine living the rest of my life this way. I don't want to be here either; I wished that I had gone with my beloved - what is my purpose to be left behind? I too believe that a person can die of a broken heart.
Yet even after only 2 and 1/2 months when I look back to the initial shock and horror, there has been a little relief, a slight soothing of the raw-edged tear of my heart,
Although I cannot bear witness to what others have testified in their process of healing, I can feel a little of it settling, and sometimes a faint flicker of hope. It vanishes as quickly as it comes, but it is still there.
Please Christine, know that you are not alone. There are so many of us out here.
I will be thinking of you,
Your friend David H.
Sign Upor Sign In
Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.
© 2018 Created by Legacy.com.
Report an Issue |
Terms of Service
Please check your browser settings or contact your system administrator.