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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Christine Blaire on November 23, 2017 at 2:33pm

Happy thanksgiving to all. The words sound shallow don't they? This is the first time since 1972 that I haven't fixed thanksgiving dinner. I loved it and even though there were only for or six of us I had a big turkey. My Marshall loved it. Well this year I'm going to his sons house. I don't want to go but I know he'd want me too, plus I have to leave the house sometimes. Instead of wondering I called the Dr office late yesterday afternoon to schedule a mammogram. It was late so I couldn't go yesterday but they want to see me right away, so tomorrow afternoon we will see. I know they'll do a mammogram right away and hopefully they will want a biopsy and I will get good news that I will be able to see my Marshall sooner than expected. It's been there at least three months and it's not little. Then this Saturday there will be a celebration of my husband's life. I'm not driving cause I'm gonna need drugs for this!

Comment by Marsha H on November 23, 2017 at 2:20pm

Dear David ...  My Ernie passed away in 2011 and I know how difficult it is to go through all holidays without our spouses and even if we're lucky to spend a holiday with family or friends I use to feel like I was outside looking through a window at a happy group and I wasn't there at all.  As hard as I tried I couldn't get into the festivities b/c I missed Ernie so much, but I'd paste a smile on my face and by the time I got home I was exhausted.  I know your heart is breaking for your beloved spouse and I can promise you although you will feel 100% the same without your spouse during holidays it does get better.  It took me about 2 years before I scared myself by laughing out loud at one event.  From there things got a bit better.  I hope you do go out for a dinner if you are invited even though you are in raw grief.  If it's too much then you can make an excuse and leave at any given time and knowing that you don't feel so trapped.  It's important to be around family or friends and it's part of the healing process.  I wish you the best during Thanksgiving and pray you receive some warmth and love.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by David Heggi on November 23, 2017 at 10:20am

Happy Thanksgiving everyone,

It;s hard spending it w/o our loved ones; this will be the first Holiday for me, the next step of my high wire act.

Love, David H

Comment by deborah peck on November 22, 2017 at 11:19pm

Just want to wish all my friends on here a happy Thanksgiving and will be praying for all of you to have a good day  love Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on November 22, 2017 at 11:17am

Mary Jane, I wish you lived here, I would totally have you to my house for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure whether to be sad for or glad you are doing what you want. I would truly love to sleep the day away tomorrow but instead my entire extended family will be here at my house so today am cooking pies, getting turkey ready , ect... but I truly am blessed to have almost my whole family near me. .I am glad you got yourself and your furbaby a meal that you want and watching movies truly sounds like a nice comforting way to spend the day so enjoy yourself and just relax.  love Debbie

Comment by Sara Murphy on November 22, 2017 at 11:12am

Hi Mary Jane....I'll be going to my brothers' house which is only 10 minutes away.  It's always nice to spend time with my nieces but it's still a tough day.  Ken and I used to host the Thanksgiving holiday so I should be the one getting up early to prepare the turkey.  Ken should be whipping up the mashed potatoes because he loved doing that for some reason.  He also made a nice butternut squash seasoned with brown sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon and of course, tons of butter.  It was delicious.  This is something I could make if I wanted to but I never will.  There are certain things I will never make again and that's one of them.

I'm sorry you'll be staying home alone tomorrow.  I'm sure your nieces really don't mind driving if you change your mind.  If not, try to just think of it as any other Thursday and maybe that will take the sting out of it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on November 21, 2017 at 10:45pm
It also was Bobs favorite holiday...when u think about it, men get to eat and watch football all day, while us womenfolk bust their a$$es off cooking for days. LOL.
Comment by Mary. Jane on November 21, 2017 at 10:41pm
I have a question for all of you. Is anyone here spending ThNksgiving ALONE? I mean completely alone?
I have decided to stay home with only my kitty as my companion.
Yes, I could go to my nieces house, but it is 40 minutes away, they will pick me up and take me home, but my grand niece has to work until 6pm, probably wouldn,t get home until 7...and since, with my Epstein Barr, I never know how I will feel each evening. I don,t want to ruin everyone else’s dinner. So I decided not to go. I also don,t like the idea of one of three young people driving me home so late at night, and The area they live in is kinda rural...
So, tonight I bought myself some deli food, and I am going to sit here and watch TV. Is anyone else spending this holiday with just their furr babies?
Comment by Sara Murphy on November 21, 2017 at 10:22pm

'm just now catching up on my reading and want to especially reach out to Christine.  I haven't commented on her posts yet.  My heart is breaking for her but also, I see so much of myself not only in her words, but in the responses from others.  Christine.........you don't know my story so I'll briefly tell you.  I lost my husband Ken in Jan 16.  I met him in 1986 when I was 20 and lost him when I was 50 so I spent my entire adult life with him up until that point.  He is the absolute love of my life, the only person I've ever really wanted to spend time with and losing him was essentially losing my own life.  In fact, I consider 1/13/16 as the day my life ended and my existence began.  I understand everything you are feeling because I still cry for him every day and tell him I don't know how much longer I can do this.   I don't see a future.  I don't see light or feel joy.  I don't believe I'll ever be happy again.  Through all this though, I've never really thought of suicide.  I have enough of Ken's dilauded and fentanyl patches to choke a horse but would never take them.  He fought so hard for each day he had that if I were to just give up and end it, he would be so mad. I also wouldn't disrespect him that way.  Deb P wrote that we all believe the love we have we our spouses can't possibly be matched by anyone else and she's right.  I would tell Ken all the time that he was the most loved man on the planet.  It's probably hard for you to believe but life is a gift from God.  Now, this is something I have to remind myself of daily but I do believe it.  I hold on because I believe that when the time is right, God will lead me to where I'm supposed to be next.  Like I said, I don't see it but I'm trying to hold on to my faith.  I hope you'll hold on as well.  Please take care of yourself. 

Hugs,

Sara

Comment by Marsha H on November 21, 2017 at 3:44pm

Sara ...  I thought you were very quiet.  I know how it feels too to have no computer and it's like my right arm was cut-off.  LOL  It's great to see you post again.  Welcome back!

 

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