Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by David Heggi on December 7, 2017 at 4:18pm

Dear Patti,

Anxiety has always been an old friend of mine.

I had my first panic attack back in 1980 something when no one knew what they were.  So many doctors shook their heads and told me that it was all in my head - WELL YEAH!!

The ambulance had to scrape me off the floor to take me to ER - my body was exploding with all those terrifying sensations, thumping up and down on the gurney. I would be screaming in pain.

This went on for years.  I finally could not even leave the house

I was so afraid of that next episode.  My psychiatrist (all in my head) gave me I think some Tofrinil (sp) and it helped.

I am no stranger to what our minds can do to our bodies. I have 

a healthy fear of it.

Thank you for the listen, Patti

Your (crazy) friend,

David H

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 7, 2017 at 4:16pm

BTW, I love how we are all here for one another, supporting each other.  When I first came here, I DIDN,t know what to expect, so I read a lot b4 I got the courage to post.

One person really touched me...for everyone who was in pain, her posts stood out...she always gave the best advice, her posts were kind, and patient and full of amazing caring and consideration. 

I don,t know if you all know her...her name is MARSHA..and her words still always touch me with their insite and compassion. Although we are close in age, she seemed like the kind mom I never had..and I am really glad she is here. 

I am glad ALL of you are here..without Legacy and the wonderful people who share their pain...I dunno where i’d Be now. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 7, 2017 at 4:03pm

I have the exact opposite problem. I can’t STOP sleeping! It could be the Epstein Barr...but I think it’s my way of not thinking about my life...I sleep 10 hours a nite, plus some days I take 2 hour naps. I do take a 1 mg Xanax each nite. Just in case I cannot fall asleep..but I don,t need it in the afternoon during nap time. When I say I don’t do anything all day, I MEAN it!

i wish I had the energy to do anything, but I don,t..and this DIDN,t start until this Spring when I finally realized BOb was really gone. Last year at this time, I had lots of energy...but I spent time doing useless crafty things, when I should have been going through stuff deciding what to,keep, and whT to discard. I just couldn,t do that. I have ZERO motivtion. Maybe I should ask my Dr for something that will give me some energy..but I don,t think they give those out anymore. Lol

Comment by Patti on December 7, 2017 at 3:05pm

Oh have no idea how nice it is to know that I'm not the only one the doctor put on meds after Joe died.  As far as exhaustion....I haven't slept great since the day that he died.  I don't know if I ever will...anxiety was something that was new to me.  After Joe died it is my new friend...feeling my heart pound in my throat is common now.  A few months after Joe died I had my first panic attack at work....I couldn't breathe...I thought I was having a heart attack...I was so scared.  My boss drove me to my sister who is a nurse and she took me to the hospital which by the way became the first of about five trips to the ER due to panic attacks and anxiety.  Oh what grief can do to a body....

Comment by David Heggi on December 7, 2017 at 2:58pm

Dear Deborah,

Thank you for understanding.

I don't want to push that panic button when I can help it;

though we just have to at times.

I tried Lexapro and it didn't do anything for me.  I'm glad

that it's helping you. These prescriptions are always hit

and miss.  I've been taking Seroquel (sp), and it has kept 

me from crawling across the ceiling - I was crazy with per-

vasive anxiety,  And that was when I was locked up in the

Behavioural  Ward . How I got through that I don't know it was

just sheer will power. I was treated like a criminal, not someone

needing help - well, another story another time.

Good to share with you, Deborah.

Your friend,

David H

Comment by Michael Smith on December 7, 2017 at 2:25pm


I agree with Debbie. getting your feelings out is what this place is for. As a group we can  understand better than most what each of us is experiencing. We sympathize for the bad days and cheer when people have a good day. So remember someone is usually here and ready to lend support or just an ear. 



Comment by deborah peck on December 7, 2017 at 2:14pm

David, its most certainly not ridiculous for you to post that you are having a bad day, some days are just worse then others and that's what this group is for to support one another when we need it most. right now the doc has me on Lexapro, he just increased it, Ive never taken anything like this but it is helping some. I slept last night the whole night, the first time since Greg passed but still woke up tired, arghh, . Debbie

Comment by deborah peck on December 7, 2017 at 2:08pm

Ive had 2 readings by John Edward, both times before Greg passed but my first husband and my parents came thru and stuff he said only they could of told him, both these times I just happened to hear about it on the radio and I called in and got thru both times, was so neat to hear that they are near

Comment by David Heggi on December 7, 2017 at 11:06am

Dear Deborah,

It's ridiculous of me to post that "I'm having a bad day" - for Heavens sake, we all are.  Though. I have to say that I was in a crisis - you understand?

Yes, the Holidays are here, and we are not: we're wishing we were back when we could be with our loved ones.

You are exhausted too?  It's good to know that it is a symptom of our grief and not something else.  My Dr gave my bloodwork results a thumbs up the other day.  So we agreed that my lack of energy is caused by that grab bag of dep/anxiety.

What kind of anxiety meds do you take, or have taken, Deborah?

They are there to use, and we are lucky to have something that may help, as one of my therapists once told me. Of course we don't want to be dependent, but by golly we need whatever relief that is available to us.

I hope you too get some rest - if we sleep all the time that's OK

Thank you for thinking of me, Deborah.

Your friend,

David H

Comment by Patti on December 7, 2017 at 10:49am

No, I wasn't the only one....but he spent a lot of time on my Joe.  There were about six of a room of about 500 people.  Things he said were so amazing....but again I just don't know that I was ready for it....I remember before it started I was holding my sisters hand and told her how nervous I was and that I thought maybe we should leave.  I'm glad we didn' was so obvious it was my husband.  The things he said were things that were so private....he even talked about my spending habits and that my husband was worried about me...that made me smile....he said I spread my husbands ashes in the mountains....I didn't but his buddies did and he said "but not all of them" and he was right I only gave them some ashes to spread because I wanted to keep some and the kids wanted to keep some.  It was just so eerie but also comforting.  I would like to do a private reading next time.


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