Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1342
Latest Conversations: 31 minutes ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25. 4 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Patti on Friday

Mary Jane maybe you and I could trade a night....I just want a night of sleep.  A solid night of hasn't happened in almost two years even when I medicate with pills to make me sleep it does the opposite.  My poor twin sister stayed with me for months and slept on Joe's side of the bed just so I felt someone there....she might officially still be trying to catch up on her sleep from those months. 

David - thanks so much for your message - no disrespect but it brought a smile to my face.  I hope you intended to do that and you are not crazy....but I like knowing I have a friend.

It's Friday....I have two scheduled townhome tours...I'm trying to move on.  I live with my sister because I sold our house six months after Joe was too hard to stay there....we were suppose to be there together.  I couldn't walk through it anymore without knowing that.  So I'm trying to move forward.  I've toured many homes but just haven't found on the one.

Comment by deborah peck on Friday

Its so sad listening to everyones story and what everyone has been thru. most of  my family is super supportive but of course they cant understand, my oldest sister is very strange in the things she says to me though like telling me my husband would want me to be happy and asking if I will remarry, I don't even know how to answer her if he wanted me to be happy then he should still be here and I have no intention of even dating much less remarrying, I had two great husbands only to have both of them pass so no would never take that chance again. I'm still in so much of a fog all the time even though I'm always busy with my grandkids or kids, I don't feel like I'm reallyall there, does that make sense? David I'm so sorry you have anxiety issues, this all must of made it really bad, I hope and pray you get relief for it. Mary Jane I could sleep all the time if I let myself, I'm always so tired

Comment by David Heggi on Thursday

How sweet, Mary Jane - thank you.

I've been spilling my guts a lot lately. I was a bit more reserved before when I didn't know if I was being too much; I didn't know that I was preaching to the choir here - you are all way ahead of me.


David H


Comment by Sara Murphy on Thursday

I began taking Lorazepam and Citalopram after I lost Ken.  One of them was for immediate relief while the other would take a week or so to build up in my system and was for long term relief.  Despite Ken's health issues (first major issue was in 2008) I had never experienced anxiety.  There were certainly scary moments but nothing I ever needed medication for.  I always knew he was my everything but didn't realize the amount of strength I drew from his presence.  Losing him has changed everything.  I know I'll never feel strong like that again.   I no longer take those meds but I do take Tramadol for a back injury I had and I think that may have anti-anxiety properties.

David....You're not crazy.  I'm sorry you had to endure so much.  I'm glad the medical community has advanced in areas regarding anxiety and depression. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday

DAVID H...I am so sorry that happened to you. That must have been horrible to endure...but I am putting my virtual arms around you, and giving you a virtual hug. 

Comment by David Heggi on Thursday

Dear Patti,

Anxiety has always been an old friend of mine.

I had my first panic attack back in 1980 something when no one knew what they were.  So many doctors shook their heads and told me that it was all in my head - WELL YEAH!!

The ambulance had to scrape me off the floor to take me to ER - my body was exploding with all those terrifying sensations, thumping up and down on the gurney. I would be screaming in pain.

This went on for years.  I finally could not even leave the house

I was so afraid of that next episode.  My psychiatrist (all in my head) gave me I think some Tofrinil (sp) and it helped.

I am no stranger to what our minds can do to our bodies. I have 

a healthy fear of it.

Thank you for the listen, Patti

Your (crazy) friend,

David H

Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday

BTW, I love how we are all here for one another, supporting each other.  When I first came here, I DIDN,t know what to expect, so I read a lot b4 I got the courage to post.

One person really touched me...for everyone who was in pain, her posts stood out...she always gave the best advice, her posts were kind, and patient and full of amazing caring and consideration. 

I don,t know if you all know her...her name is MARSHA..and her words still always touch me with their insite and compassion. Although we are close in age, she seemed like the kind mom I never had..and I am really glad she is here. 

I am glad ALL of you are here..without Legacy and the wonderful people who share their pain...I dunno where i’d Be now. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday

I have the exact opposite problem. I can’t STOP sleeping! It could be the Epstein Barr...but I think it’s my way of not thinking about my life...I sleep 10 hours a nite, plus some days I take 2 hour naps. I do take a 1 mg Xanax each nite. Just in case I cannot fall asleep..but I don,t need it in the afternoon during nap time. When I say I don’t do anything all day, I MEAN it!

i wish I had the energy to do anything, but I don,t..and this DIDN,t start until this Spring when I finally realized BOb was really gone. Last year at this time, I had lots of energy...but I spent time doing useless crafty things, when I should have been going through stuff deciding what to,keep, and whT to discard. I just couldn,t do that. I have ZERO motivtion. Maybe I should ask my Dr for something that will give me some energy..but I don,t think they give those out anymore. Lol

Comment by Patti on Thursday

Oh have no idea how nice it is to know that I'm not the only one the doctor put on meds after Joe died.  As far as exhaustion....I haven't slept great since the day that he died.  I don't know if I ever will...anxiety was something that was new to me.  After Joe died it is my new friend...feeling my heart pound in my throat is common now.  A few months after Joe died I had my first panic attack at work....I couldn't breathe...I thought I was having a heart attack...I was so scared.  My boss drove me to my sister who is a nurse and she took me to the hospital which by the way became the first of about five trips to the ER due to panic attacks and anxiety.  Oh what grief can do to a body....

Comment by David Heggi on Thursday

Dear Deborah,

Thank you for understanding.

I don't want to push that panic button when I can help it;

though we just have to at times.

I tried Lexapro and it didn't do anything for me.  I'm glad

that it's helping you. These prescriptions are always hit

and miss.  I've been taking Seroquel (sp), and it has kept 

me from crawling across the ceiling - I was crazy with per-

vasive anxiety,  And that was when I was locked up in the

Behavioural  Ward . How I got through that I don't know it was

just sheer will power. I was treated like a criminal, not someone

needing help - well, another story another time.

Good to share with you, Deborah.

Your friend,

David H


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