Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on December 10, 2017 at 10:34am

That was beautiful Steve.

Beard..thanks. Who knows..maybe someday I will get up the courage to learn. I can still hear my mothers voice: “you’re to stupid to learn to drive..if a leaf flies into the car, you’ll freak out and cause an accident”

Bob, bless his heart was secretly pleased that I would never be able to get in the car and drive away when we had a fight. His mother never drove either, until she left his father later in life and learned to drive. But she hated it and DIDN,t drive for very long. 

Comment by David Heggi on December 10, 2017 at 10:29am

Thank you Mary Jane,

I was feeling sorry for myself.

Comment by Steve on December 10, 2017 at 7:49am

Dear Legacy Family,

I am always humbled by the thoughtfulness, caring and kindness we show one another on this forum, even after 3 years of posting I am always reading and taking away much more than I expected.  

Just wanted to take time out to wish everyone peace, love and calmness in the coming days as all of our friends and family prepare to celebrate the holidays.  For some of us it will pose challenges as we decide to participate or not, it depends on each of us and the decision we make we make to suite us, so there is no right or wrong decision...just follow your heart.

As the holidays grow nearer and near I look back to where I have been and to where I am today and I am completely humbled by shear starkness of where I was 3 years ago and where I am today.  We all have many Angels looking after our well being (I believe that some of them are our departed loved ones, be it spouse or family member).  No matter how darkly I saw my future, something or someone was pushing me forward, yes, kicking and resisting every step and yet I am still here and still not sure why.

So take heart dear friends when you least expect it your life will continue to change and evolve as will you, I know that even I when told this I thought, Not Me...humph!

Be kind to yourselves, take time to enjoy each new day even if it is a challenge just to get out of bed, in the long run it does pay off, I know because I am still here and I am still wondering if maybe Santa Clause really does exist....

Your friend and brother, always,

Steve Goodwin

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 9, 2017 at 9:32pm

Mary Jane

As far as your driving goes I am 4'11", so two inches taller than you. Today's cars get you up close enough and the seats are adjustable enough to get you over the steering wheel. You are right about the other drivers  but do not let others limit you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 9, 2017 at 9:10pm

David, there is a famous saying from somewhere..”It is better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all”

Years  ago, before technology, maybe in the 80,s, I was involved in some telephone was just answering the phones, and talking to people. I will not elaborate, but I never knew so many desperately lonely people were out there. I was shocked at the number of people who lived alone, and had never ever been in any kind of relationship. The sadness hopelessness, desperation and heartbreak in their voices was almost palitivable. I was kind, tried to console these people, but it was heartbreaking to listen to them..I had never known how many lonely people there were out there who had never found “someone” ..kinda like the song Elenor Rigby...but this was real, sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself I think of those folks...and how fortunate I was to have has someone in my life for so we all are here. Yes, our loves are gone, but we have wonderful memories to hold on to..and possibilities if we choose to do so. I can only imagine how those people felt, and to me it is horrible.

Comment by David Heggi on December 9, 2017 at 7:01pm

I finally get it:

The deeper and longer we love the deeper and longer we grieve. There's no getting around it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 9, 2017 at 6:16pm

Thanks DJ for the hopeful post, but I really Dought it, I am only 4’9” tall, and my legs can barely reach the pedals, even with a pillow on the seat...and all the other crazies on the roads really scare me. But, who knows what the future will,bring.

Comment by DJ on December 9, 2017 at 5:35pm

Mary Jane:  with your youthful spirit, I'm betting age will eventually succumb to your ambition for freedom, and you will pick up the learn-to-drive gauntlet.  And you will overcome!

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 9, 2017 at 4:14pm

You are a very brave and kind man.

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 9, 2017 at 12:29pm

Mary Jane

I do not regret falling in love with my current lady. I found myself super lonely so I actually went and joined some dating sites. I was just saying I do not know if I would take the risk for a third time. I know life is basically a series of risks/risk avoidance. Do things at your pace. There is no reason to rush out and find someone new, nor is there a reason to avoid it. Listen to your heart. It will tell you when/if. As will I if I find myself in the same position again.


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