Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28. 3 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on December 11, 2017 at 8:45pm

Patti...It's funny, we seem to be opposite on the Christmas card thing.  Last year was my first Christmas without Ken but I still sent out cards (though not as many as previous years).  This year, I have the cards to send out but no interest in sending them and really no interest in Christmas whatsoever.  I did have 2 of my nieces over yesterday to make pizzelles as they like doing that.  Watching them grow up is my only reason for being here and I realize how important making memories are.

Comment by David Heggi on December 11, 2017 at 8:01pm

Dear Mary Jane,

You caught me!

I was sitting here staring at this thing waiting for some angel to post - and there you were.  Thank you.

This is when my David and I would sit and discuss our day.  Now it's just me and the box.  It's impossible to reconcile.

Do you, Mary Jane, sometimes feel like you're going insane?

I "know" it's common to think this way; I just want someone to tell me, again.

Your friend,

David H

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 11, 2017 at 7:35pm I do the same thing some days!!!  There r some days when I. Am feeling alone, and want to reconnect with someone. Sometimes this place is full of people, othertimes, it’s like their all gone! Not a peep from anyone. So, you’d thing i’d Put away the laptop and go do something..but nope...I sit here waiting for someone to post something. 

PATTI..I used to love sending out Christmas cards..but with all the technology it is rare to get a card. I love it when I do. My mom used to get hundreds of cards every year! I use to display them all over the house.

Comment by Christine Blaire on December 11, 2017 at 2:33pm

Dear friends.....

Went a.nd saw surgeon. It's stage two aggressive cancer. They don't feel it's gone anywhere else so they are going to do Mir and pet scan. She said with chemo,radiation,and surgery it is curable.I told her no do the tests and just a lumpectomy. I will not live 10,15,20 years without him. So, five years give or take is ok. She said too that maybe ill change my mind 6 months from now and it will be too late. Told her I won't change my mind. The Dr was ok for now that I agreed to have the tests done. It is 3 centimeters. They will have the ok in a day or two. I know it will be approved cause I have same coverage my Marshall had and his pet scan and Mri. I got the impression that they are going to move pretty fast on this. With the lumpectomy I will be in the hospital one night at most . The surgeon said I'm too healthy otherwise not to have chemo and radiation. Not doing it. It will be a miracle if I live the five years. Could be more, could be less. I want to be with my Marshall and that's all I want, it won't change. The lumpectomy will give me a little more time to get things in order and will stop all my friends who mean well to let me be. I AM going to try something but it's not long term. I'm only existing, not living. And without my Marshall that won't change.

Comment by Patti on December 11, 2017 at 7:42am

Happy Monday everyone....hope the weekend was good for everyone.  I decided to send out Christmas cards....I didn't do it last year but I was able to get my kids when we were together for Thanksgiving to take a nice photo...all dressed up in matching PJs....we use to do that when Joe was they agreed and we did it.  I spent my weekend filling out cards.  It wasn't easy but I got through it and now I'm glad I did it....I know Joe wouldn't want me to stop doing the things that I liked doing.  This week is crazy for me....I can just hear him "slow down" enjoy the holidays.  But I've thrown myself into my job and this week I am traveling the east coast to my other branches.  I hope everyone has a peaceful week.

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 10, 2017 at 9:32pm

Steve and Chuck.....Good luck with your closing tomorrow although by the time you read this, I'm sure it'll be after the fact. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 10, 2017 at 9:30pm

Mary Jane....That certainly is something to think about.  There are so many people that never find the right person to spend their life with.  In fact, I know several people who never married and when I first lost Ken all I could think was how lucky they were to never have to feel this pain.  It didn't take very long though for me to realize that although they'll never feel this pain, they also never felt the true love of a soul mate.  I wouldn't trade my 30 years of love to avoid this pain.   

Comment by David Heggi on December 10, 2017 at 3:34pm

It certainly could be worse, Mary Jane.

Sometimes I just sit on my bed staring at the in-box screen hoping for someone to log on who I can connect with.  It's kind of like a night light when it's just me and a box of ashes.

I never get anything done either.  I hope this passes.

Your friend,

David H

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 10, 2017 at 12:46pm

David, I ask myself that question several times a day ..and I always come up with the same answer. There HAS to be a life better than what we have right now..otherwise why would we still be here?

gee, I have been trolling the web since I got wonder I never get anything done. An IPad can be a terrible thing...I can just sit on my A$$ watch tv, and look up useless stuff online. 

Try to have a good day. 


Comment by David Heggi on December 10, 2017 at 11:02am

Your words are encouraging, Steve.

I'll hold onto them  for dear life on this wild ride:  one day I'm a little better and can reach out to help others, and then the next day I'm a basket case.  I hope and pray that there is a life beyond this.

Thank you Steve



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