Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by David Heggi on December 19, 2017 at 11:52am

Thank you Mary Jane,

Moving in with Davids daughter and grandchildren has been a huge adjustment for me; I'm learning every day how to find my place here.- maybe someday I'll be comfortable with it, and allow myself to be taken care of. 


Your friend,


Comment by David Heggi on December 19, 2017 at 11:33am

Thank you Chicago,It heartens me to know there are others like your father who have overcome their disabilities and created lives for themselves.  I did that twice; with each stroke I had to relearn to walk and swallow - I know how much strength and determination that took.  But then that was when still had my David; it's a different place I am in now; there's little motivation.

Your Dad liked casinos?  I am in NV living a few miles from the casinos in Laughlin..  I don't know about poker, but I think I could use my good arm to pull some slots.

Bless you Chicago

We will talk again

A hug,

David H

Comment by Marsha H on December 19, 2017 at 4:17am

Dear David H ...  I never had children and my small immediate family I already know would never take me in if I was in your situation.  It hurts my heart to think that of them as I'd do it for one of them.  

David, my father had a stroke and at that time the family came together to help my father learn to speak again and walk again and he did!  He regained his independence back.  Remember that your family is not having you move in because you are not able to live alone, but because they love you.  Consider this a blessing and not another problem on top of your grieving.  I am so sorry you are going through this, but feel also this will enlighten you as you will realize how much your family loves you and also will support you through your grief.  It is not uncommon either that often spouses left behind can have health issues of all sorts from the stress of grief, but, most make it and so will you.  Take this loving journey from your family with an open heart and know you are much loved.  You are not weak or a burden!  I know you will get better and be independent once again.

A big hug because you need one.


Comment by Mary. Jane on December 18, 2017 at 10:54pm

Don,t u dare check out!!  We are here for you. Who knows..maybe moving in with family could b a just don,t know it yet. I think things happen for a reason...I just don,t know what that reason is yet..and neither do you. I have more to say, but I m so very tired right now..I will be back again in the morning.

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 18, 2017 at 10:52pm


It is more about determination than strength. Remember the old joke. Rule #1 Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule #2 it's all small stuff. What you need to concentrate on is your physical recovery from your stokes so that you can again live independently. I know you can do this. My father did it with barely having use of his right arm and leg. He lived in Las Vegas and drove himself to the casino to play poker 4-5 nights a week for 3 years.

Comment by David Heggi on December 18, 2017 at 9:34pm

Thank you for your kind response, Chicago.

I have been focusing on my loss with everyone here (which is more than enough in itself to deal with)  And keeping to myself the difficult living conditions I find myself.  But today I just could not handle it all.

I think of checking out all the time, yet still hoping that I will learn to become stronger and survive all of this.

Bless you

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 18, 2017 at 9:07pm


That has to be so upsetting. Not only did you lose the love of your life you lost some independence as well. I am so sorry. I do not believe I would have dealt with this situation well at all. Plus being an only child with no children I have no one who would or could take me in. Again, I am so sorry!

Comment by David Heggi on December 18, 2017 at 8:55pm

Dear friends,

Has anyone after losing a loved one had to move in with family?

I had to for financial reasons, and after having strokes cannot live alone.  This will be on top of losing my long time partner.  Should all of this be too much to deal with?.  I feel like I'm going crazy with homesickness for my lost love and my life with him. I'm not coping well with all this happening at once. Too many life traumas at once.

Comment by David Heggi on December 18, 2017 at 3:41pm

Dear Christine,

I'm glad you got a relatively good, or less aggressive report than you expected, and more responsive to treatment.

Your therapist is wise asking you to promise you won't do anything drastic for one year.  I know you don't think so, but you still may feel much differently by then.

Christine, none of us have done anything wrong to be punished

this way;  if so, then I cannot believe in a loving God.

Yep, It must be at least five somewhere - whatever gets you

thru the nite.

I'm glad you have your yorkie for comfort; they somehow 


All the best for you,

Your friend,

David H

Comment by Christine Blaire on December 18, 2017 at 2:36pm

YES...I love this idea of posting on Christmas eve and New year's eve. My Marshall did karaoke and was a Dj and we always had a show on new years so this will be very hard. I have a 4 1/2 lb. Yorkie mix and she is so much company. As I laid on the couch one night crying she came and licked my tears. They do know. I will be glad when the next two weeks are over. Losing Marshall, Christmas, and my diagnosis of breast cancer are more than I can bare.. I have my mri on Wednesday. I found out today that the pathology report came back hr2- negative which was good ,it's not as aggressive as hr2 positive and more responsive to treatment. Then a pet scan on the 28th. These two tests check for minute cells that the other tests don't detect. The surgeon and family Dr could not detect any cancer in lymph nodes under my arm which they were very pleased about. So I if the pet and mri are ok looks like lumpectomy and radiation. Maybe hormone therapy. We shall see. As I said before I will not live 10-20 years without my Marshall. Saw my therapist today and we discussed my wanting only five years or less. He wants me to promise not to do anything drastic for one year. He said I will feel very differently. I told him that I don't believe him. I know I will never be happy or find a reason to be here.. I told him I feel guilty for being alive. Believe me, if I had known that I had cancer too I would be with my Marshall and not writing this. I guess I'm being tested but I don't know what I did that was so bad that I have to go thru this pain. Actually...what did we all do to be punished like this? Why is all this heartache necessary? I for one, don't see the purpose for this kind of punishment. Ok, sorry. I'm not going anywhere the rest of the's only 3:30 here on ohio but it's 5 o'clock somewhere. I wish we could all get together and pass around hugs.


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