Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28. 3 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on December 24, 2017 at 10:43am

Ok, kids..this is bout Facebook. My apologies to the wonderful administrators here...but I thought about Facebook a lot yesterday...and it occurred to me wht was really wrong with Bereaved folks going there.

At first, I wanted to post THIS website, and hopefully lead the members over here..but then it occurred to me..if I did that, I would draw attention to we are pretty anonymous. Sure, we have vague ideas where we all reside...and we are able to personally connect with members if we choose to do so..but if I am pouring my heart out on FB,ANYONE reading it, can see my picture, and tho my site is “locked” they can still know what town I grew up in, what schools I went to, what city I live in, who my friends are...this is stuff YOU GUYS don,t even know!

in this day and age, there are very bad people out there, and in our vulnerable states, it would be very easy for anyone to try to friend us...saying they went to school with us, etc, or they have a friend in common with us...or they belong to groups that we do..Some people here live alone and could be very vulnerable to theives, or worse...all from crap that is exposed on FB. Yes, I know there are steps I can probably take to hide all of that..but by someone pretending their own loved one has died...we are waaayyy to quick to open our hearts before our brains. 

Honestly, there could be a bad person HERE...and it would be very easy to gain our trust, but not as easy as FB with all the info we shared without thinking on our general page. 

I don,t know what criteria Legacy uses or if they ever turn anyone away...but the lack of privacy on FB is a huge issue.  When BOb died, I called everyone and told them to NOT even MENTION anything about his death on FB...and if they did, it was removed imeadiately. I DIDN,t even want it mentioned on my friends pages. 

It is a sad world when we have to fear strangers and even friends, but we do. We have to be vigilant in every aspect of our lives. So, I am removing myself from the FB Legacy page.  Sorry Legacy..I know you meant well, but it is just too invasive there. 

This is perfect...and I thank you for this place we can all come to where I can pour my heart out, and y’all understand.

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2017 at 5:33am

Dear David ...  I cried through it too.  That dog was so patient and loving and knew that child was different from other children.  The point is for all of us.  No matter how terrible we may feel within ourselves and the gut-wrenching grief our spouses would want us to carry the torch for them and we 'pay it forward.'  This simply means when someone is hurting so bad like some on here and others we know in our lives we are patient as that dog and we keep silent, but with touch and love in our eyes we can get through to others and let them know we understand.  

Your friend


Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2017 at 5:28am

Mary Jane ...  I completely agree with you and if anyone doubts this please read this link:

We are all talking about our deep and most secret emotions and it's not for others to read or use in any context of what they may do with this information.  There are no copy-write laws on Facebook.  Little Privacy.


Comment by Sara Murphy on December 23, 2017 at 9:49pm

Patti.....thinking of you and hoping you found today somewhat tolerable.  These anniversary dates hold such power over us.  For me, I hurt everyday and cry for Ken everyday but anniversary dates just add to it because it marks the passage of time.  I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight.

Comment by David Heggi on December 23, 2017 at 6:20pm

Bless you, Christine,

Life does not give us a hall pass, does it.

We still gotta take care of business: pay bills, keep Dr appointments - get the car fixed.

I walked and cried, cried and walked; I didn't want anyone to see my grief.

I wish I could drink brown liquor and not be sorry.  I will take another alprazolam instead.  And

I will pray that we will all get through this.


David H

Comment by Christine Blaire on December 23, 2017 at 5:59pm

Mary Jane I too checked out that Facebook sight and it felt impersonal. I won't be going back to it. Took my car in for a tune up. He's a good mechanic and knew my husband so I won't get ripped off. If it's done too late tonight I can pick it up in the morning. I've cried all day, took two ativans still crying. I doubt more and more if I'm going to allow treatments. I want so much to be with my Marshall.why do we have to go through so much misery. I can't bear the thought of life without him. I know I will never be happy so why go through the motions? Yes I've got family and friends but I'm no good to them like this.  Well,I'm ranting...maybe some wine will help, it sure can't hurt. Love to you all and pray we somehow get thru this

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 23, 2017 at 11:14am

Ok, I was approved on Facebook...and there are about 15 members that I assume found the place by looking through the Facebook categories..and I had to physically stop myself from making my first post an invitation to each one of them to come over here instead. Sorry kind moderators here...but I agree with Deborah doesn,t seem like the type of place I would want to pour my heart out. It also doesn,t seem very private. There are only one or two posts, and each persons picture is there...there are several kind posts from Legacy with this site suggested...but maybe it can be a good place to get these other people to come here. So many people in pain,don,t know about this place, and  they are familiar with Facebook..but I won,t b pouring sensitive stuff out there..I truly believe Facebook is any governments DREAM discover any wrongdoing by people, or weed out undesirable people. Yes, I am an aging former is also a great place for criminals to learn when people are away, etc...cuz a lot of people think they are amune from crime, and post sensitive informaion,

So maybe i will play Nancy drew and post lightly there, but suggest THIS site for more serious stuff.

maybe Facebook will be good to suggest to people who are bleeding inside and want a safer place to post.

BTW..I accidentally hit the bold print button and it seems to make the posts and spelling better. I post on an IPad, and can barely see anything. Lol

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 23, 2017 at 10:40am

Patti...hope you are doing ok. We are here for you.

Comment by deborah peck on December 23, 2017 at 10:03am

Mary Jane I  joined and posted but then deleted as I don't want everyone knowing my thoughts so not sure how private it is

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 22, 2017 at 10:04pm

I just noticed that the spouse group has been created on Facebook. I joined, just to see how it was..Haven,t been approved yet...I just wanted to see what it was like..but sorry, I don,t trust Facebook. We will see. I worry about everyone knowing your private thoughts there..I think the security is questionable.

Has anyone else here gone there?


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