Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on December 29, 2017 at 10:50am

Deborah, that is one of my favorite poems ever. I found it about 10 years ago...and each time someone I care for has died..I printout that poem. Sometimes I change the lines, to fit the situation...and I send it with a the persons family...because of the line I AM A THOUSAND WINDS THAT BLOW. 

Sorry, that sounds like I have sent lots of wind, only 4, but I like to think that each person who dies is still with us in the beauty of nature. 

I am not doing very well...these last few days have been REALLY bad. I think it is a combination of everything..including my Epstein Barr Virus that usually goes into remission in winter...but not this year. If it wasn,t for my sweet cat and the love of my daughter and a few friends, I would just give up. I have ZERO energy, and it is  sooo cold here. 

Ok thanks for letting me vent. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 28, 2017 at 9:41pm

Carol.......I'm sorry you're still struggling.  It may sound terrible but it validates my belief that time doesn't heal everything.  I do hope you will find peace in the New Year and companionship to pass the time until you're with your husband again.

Comment by David Heggi on December 28, 2017 at 2:20pm


I'm sorry you are so lonely. The Holidays and anniversary. I hope the new year will bring some comfort

Comment by Patti on December 28, 2017 at 2:09pm

Hello my friends....I feel like I start every post thanking you all for supporting me.  I loved all the posts...unfortunately, I only was able to see them today.  My Thinkpad has a virus and I couldn't get on this site over the holiday.  I was so bummed for that.  Again, I thank all of you for all the kind words and poems that were posted....they mean the world to me.  I made it through the day....the 23rd honestly was much more difficult than Christmas. I thought of all of you and hoped that you were trying to find some enjoyment in the day.

Comment by CAROL COONS on December 28, 2017 at 12:44pm

Lost my husband in April, 2011. I’m still struggling each and every day. Lately I’m just so lonely... I know a lot has to do with the holidays, and we also got married in December...  

Comment by deborah peck on December 28, 2017 at 12:24pm

Sorry I didn't post for Christmas eve, have been down with my back since before Christmas, went to doctor yesterday and I pulled a muscle, so bed ret and muscle relaxers but have been thinking of you allnking of everyone and wanted to post this poem

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 26, 2017 at 9:32pm

Thank you for all the kind words. I am sorry that some of you had to endure special non Christmas memories of our loved one that are aligned with the holidays...and I am so sorry

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 26, 2017 at 11:38am

Trina....I'm sorry for the added pain of you wedding anniversary in addition to the Christmas holiday.  I think maybe in a way, it was Joseph singing those Christmas carols to you.  He guided you to that area in town on that day and sang to you using another's voice. 

Wishing you a peaceful New Year.


Comment by Sara Murphy on December 26, 2017 at 11:32am

Mary Jane....There's nothing crazy about your Christmas Eve tradition.  I may do that for New Year's Eve if the weather isn't too bad.

I hope everyone had a tolerable day yesterday.  There are so many aspects that are hard that some people may not realize.  Example, I didn't send out Christmas cards this year because I can't bear to not sign Ken's name.  Maybe next year.  And I'm back at work today and someone new to the company asked if Santa was good to me.  I didn't know how to answer.  She doesn't know my husband passed away and I still wear my wedding ring so the obvious assumption to her would be that my husband is Santa.  She inadvertently put a knife through my heart.  Next we all have to get through New Year's Eve and then I have the 2 year anniversary of Ken's passing.  Maybe after that, I can scroll through Facebook again without being inundated with happy couple photos.

Peace to everyone.


Comment by Trina Mamoon on December 26, 2017 at 7:13am

A belated Merry Christmas to all on this site. Hope that Christmas was at least bearable and everyone had some respite from our usual state of sadness.

Mary Jane, your secret Christmas Eve ritual is so touching, thanks for sharing it with us. How beautiful--listening to the night and praying for kindness and gratitude. Our present world is fast becoming a place where people are devoid of kindness and are uncaring. It's a "me, me" world. So much intolerance and hatred all around. So thank you again for your prayer of peace for us.

I haven't come to this site since early December. In part it's because Joseph who self identified as a Judeo-Christian LOVED Christmas carols and would regale me from around Thanksgiving through all of December with carols, he would sing while playing on the piano. In early December, I once ventured out to a public area in town where they have free street performances, and suddenly when a choir started to sing Christmas carols I was torn between running away and staying back to listen. I stayed and listened; it was both uplifting and deeply painful. December is especially difficult as 21st December, or Winter Solstice, is our wedding anniversary; it would have been our 18th anniversary.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year 2018 everyone!


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