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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on January 2, 2018 at 8:09pm

This is a quilt that my girls had made for me for Christmas out of some of Gregs clothes, I feel like I'm wrapped in his arms when I'm laying under it

Comment by deborah peck on January 2, 2018 at 8:06pm

I haven't been on here since before Christmas as my back is still hurting to sit very much. Chuck I cant imagine trying to figure out a new life with a new partner in a new state at Christmas time, your emotions must be all over the place. I for one am very proud of you and Steve and where you've come from until now, it takes a lot of courage so just keep going one day at a time but I also hope you guys are enjoying being with each other and relaxing some  your friend Debbie

Comment by Mary. Jane on January 2, 2018 at 11:42am

Dear Chuck....God bless you. I promise it will get better. Moving AT ALL is a horrible thing..moving under those circumstanses  is a nightmare at best, but moving during the chaos of Christmas is unimaginable. 

This holiday season was so horrible for me..I ended up in bed with Epstein Barr for 3 Days...something that hasn,t happened for years, not even after Bob died. So I cannot even BEGIN to imagine how horrid it was/is for you, and Steve. All those cheery F*****g people, joy, and other BS...but you DID it!

as for the people saying insipid things...so what’s new about that? They have always said insensitive things, because they don,t know what to say, and if you think about it, WE don,t know what to say when we are faced with someone who has lost a loved one. (By “we” I mean not us at Legacy, but in our daily life)...and always will...it just cut deeper now, cuz we’re all supposed to b so bloody cheerful and happy bla bla ba at this joyful season. What a load of crap. I am so sorry you had to deal with all that you did. Merry Christmas my a$$! 

New Year’s Eve was also a nightmare. This is the first time I had ever in 71 years been alone that night. You have STeve, and it is going to be ok. 

Now, I want both of you to do this: take time to relax. I am serious.

don,t worry about rushing to unpack...there is lots of time for that...make it a fun thing, not a chore. I sit here every morning, look around at all the stuff I have to sort, and I can,t even do the simplest thing. I am too overwhelmed...but YOU did it! You give me hope, and never forget, you are loved...

oh, and the cold weather in Dallas is very unusual...so it won,t b this way next year. Also, I woke up at 6 am New Year’s Day, and there was the most beautiful full moon outside my window...so I am going to take it as an omen...for all of us to have a much better year than last. Bye my friend.

Comment by Diane C on January 2, 2018 at 11:33am

Happy New Year to all of my friends here on Legacy. I do not post often, but I do tend to read the messages when I have time. I for one have been having to deal with several "feet" of snow and not just several inches anymore. I spent New Years homebound. Which is ok, as I really had no plans to bring in the new year anyway. I hope that everyone has a very Peaceful New Year.

Comment by Diane C on January 2, 2018 at 11:29am

Hi Carol Kayser,

So nice to hear from you!! I am like you and do not post much anymore. But it was so nice to hear from you, although sad for you at this time. I wish you a Happy New Year!! Glad to read that your and Abby are still spending a lot of time together. I agree with Marsha that she is that special angel sent to take care of you!! You are so lucky to have her. Take care and again, so glad to hear from you!!

Comment by Sara Murphy on January 1, 2018 at 9:44pm

Hi Chuck.....It's good to hear from you and I'm glad you're settling in.  I'm in awe of the strength you have to have made such a move.  Same with Steve as he first moved from Texas to NJ and that wasn't easy either.  Just having to make the decision which of Larry's items to keep and which you had to let go of is heart wrenching, at least in my mind.  I have almost everything of Ken's and will not likely get rid of anything until I have to move to the nursing home :)

Your new friends don't realize that what they say can be hurtful.  They never knew Larry or you and Larry as a couple so they can't put your grief into a context they understand unlike your friends in NJ (and even they said things that were inadvertently hurtful).  Sometimes it's hard to remember they mean well but they do. 

We're always here for you. I hope to hear from you and Steve again soon.

Love, Sara

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2018 at 4:54pm

Sara ...  So good to see you post again.  Wishing you the very best in the New Year and hope it's one filled with joy, laughter and more strength to move ahead.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2018 at 4:53pm

Chicago Beard, thank you for that and HAPPY NEW YEAR to you as well.  I wish for you and yours peace, joy, laughter and good health.

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2018 at 4:52pm

Dearest Carol K ...  It's so nice to see you post after such a long time.  I know it must be difficult to realize how long you've been married to Jack and all the memories.  The holiday season seems to bring these memories back full force whether we like it or no.  Abbey is a special little soul and sent just for you and I know she keeps you together.

Odd it's snowing where you are and it's sure foggy here.  What weather we are having, but can't complain as parts of the U.S. are so snowed in with several feet of snow and it's still snowing.

This April will be 7 years for me over the loss of my dear Ernie and I feel the same as you do.  The 5 years were certainly up and down and I still feel at times that although stronger he is always in my heart and I can still have my cries every so often.  

What do others who haven't gone through what we've all gone through know about 'moving on!'  We have moved on to an extent and we should be proud of that, but as long as we are on this earth our spouses will always remain in our hearts.

HAPPY NEW YEAR CAROL and I pray you have a New Year full of peace, joy and good health.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2018 at 4:45pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR to my 2 brothers ...

I can certainly understand your feelings with moving to Texas.  It is hard to look at things our spouses had in the past and go through it all over again.  I too suppress my feelings and do it in a 'matter of fact' mode when going through some of Ernie's things.  It's normal because we've been grieving for awhile and getting stronger all the time.

I've heard Texans are very loyal when being friends and always ready to help, so give them a chance and those that may say the odd thing out of context remember it's just their way of fumbling around to hopefully make you feel better.

I bet it was wonderful to go around to the shops and see all the different things you could buy or not buy.  I love unique shops myself.

Of course you are going to feel like a fish out of water as you've permanently moved on and it's hard at first and yes, the dreams will come, but as you make a home together you will love being where you are.  My secret is that I say in my mind, 'No matter what happens in life there is always an exit.'  When you realize this it's doesn't make you feel that you are stuck in any way even though you are happy with your new love.  Larry would want you to move on.  I may facing selling my home and I expect to go through the same thing you are.  Already some friends I have are moving and I feel when we get older change is not a happy thing to look forward to like we could handle when younger.

You have a way with you that attract people and I'm sure as the months go on in 2018 that you will fit right in and things will start to come together.  You are so fortunate to have the start of a new life my dear friend.  I am proud of you for making the decision to start a new life because I know it's not easy to do.

I'm always here as you know and backing both of you 100%.

Much love

Your sis Marsha

 

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