Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28. 3 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on January 1, 2018 at 4:45pm

HAPPY NEW YEAR to my 2 brothers ...

I can certainly understand your feelings with moving to Texas.  It is hard to look at things our spouses had in the past and go through it all over again.  I too suppress my feelings and do it in a 'matter of fact' mode when going through some of Ernie's things.  It's normal because we've been grieving for awhile and getting stronger all the time.

I've heard Texans are very loyal when being friends and always ready to help, so give them a chance and those that may say the odd thing out of context remember it's just their way of fumbling around to hopefully make you feel better.

I bet it was wonderful to go around to the shops and see all the different things you could buy or not buy.  I love unique shops myself.

Of course you are going to feel like a fish out of water as you've permanently moved on and it's hard at first and yes, the dreams will come, but as you make a home together you will love being where you are.  My secret is that I say in my mind, 'No matter what happens in life there is always an exit.'  When you realize this it's doesn't make you feel that you are stuck in any way even though you are happy with your new love.  Larry would want you to move on.  I may facing selling my home and I expect to go through the same thing you are.  Already some friends I have are moving and I feel when we get older change is not a happy thing to look forward to like we could handle when younger.

You have a way with you that attract people and I'm sure as the months go on in 2018 that you will fit right in and things will start to come together.  You are so fortunate to have the start of a new life my dear friend.  I am proud of you for making the decision to start a new life because I know it's not easy to do.

I'm always here as you know and backing both of you 100%.

Much love

Your sis Marsha

Comment by David Heggi on January 1, 2018 at 2:05pm

Best of luck in your new home, Steve.

It is hard to open those boxes and have to confront your life with Larry.  I will be moving soon, and am not looking forward to reopening those wounds

Comment by Steve on January 1, 2018 at 2:02pm

Sorry, I hit post before ready - still on Steve's laptop and not good with it. Anyway, thanks for listening and letting me vent a little - I miss doing this more than I knew, because I still need all of your support mow maybe more than ever with all the insane changes that have taken place in such a relatively short time.

Love to all, Chuck

Comment by Steve on January 1, 2018 at 1:58pm

Hello All, and a sincere wish for a peaceful and calm New Year.

I have just experienced my first holiday season in Texas after moving so hectically from New Jersey. I have been here only slightly over 1 month, and yet with all that has transpired it seems much longer. I have found and bought a new home, purchased appliances and furnishings to compliment or replace those that were moved from NJ, and received and begun sorting and unpacking the remnants of my former life with my beloved Larry. Seeing our things in such an alien setting is at times unsettling and surreal. I have had a few simple excursions with people here who were in full tilt Christmas mode, and browsed shops finding small decorative items for myself or for gifts meant for my new friends - gentle souls who are trying diligently to make me welcome, but I suspect finding me a it of a puzzle. They Know about my losing Larry, but sometimes reply to my sometimes candidly grief-stricken comments with a quick "Well, isn't is special that you're here now and starting a new life with Steve." I find it hard sometimes to stop from saying something that would probably seem mean or critical, so I usually just smile and say "Of course."

As I put out the few Christmas items we had time to unpack just to make it seem festive, I kept finding myself shutting off my feelings each time I touched one of Larry's favorites - I don't know if that was good or bad for me, but it was definitely necessary. I have been having lots of vivid, emotional, and sometimes upsetting dreams, which I imagine is normal as my subconscious confronts all the inner fears and anxieties I try to suppress daily in my unfamiliar life.   

Comment by David Heggi on January 1, 2018 at 11:35am

Thank you, Mary Jane

Comment by David Heggi on January 1, 2018 at 11:35am

Thank you, Sara

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 31, 2017 at 10:49pm
Hello everyone. I haven’t visited for a while. I saw a post that really touched me from Carol C and I wanted to reply. First though let me wish everyone a blessed New Year’s and a kind 2018.
To my special friend Marsha, thinking of you! To Carol C who posted, my 45 th wedding anniversary is happening as I write this! 45 years ago tonight we were married. My darling Jack and I were very young! It’s been snowing where I live and it was snowing on our wedding eve too.
He passed away in August 2010. It was a good five years before I began to feel like I could handle the loss. The last two years have been up and down but I’m mostly doing well. My 6 yr old granddaughter Abby really helps to fill the rather large hole in my ❤️ I had a friend say to me just recently ‘maybe it’s time to move on’ . Your heart knows what it wants, trust that.

Carol K
Comment by Sara Murphy on December 31, 2017 at 8:22pm

Wishing my Legacy family continued healing in 2018!

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 31, 2017 at 7:33pm

DITTO, everyone. 

May the coming year be a good one, and I wish you all joy, and peace of mind, and miracles of happiness in all of our heartbreak. 

Comment by David Heggi on December 31, 2017 at 4:54pm

Thank you, Chicago.

And wishing you a better year also


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