Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

New member

Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Christine Blaire on January 20, 2018 at 11:47am

Well, surgery will be Monday Jan.29.  In having a lumpectomy without chemo. . I'm still pondering radiation. The Dr. Was a bit upset cause she said this is "curable"  if I do chemo and radiation. . It's stage 2 triple neg. And localized. I am very healthy otherwise. I have agreed to radiation after but I'm not sure. The 2.9 centimeters tumor is on the surface and if I let it go it will grow and come thru the skin making a smelly painful open sore.if it was deep in the breast this wouldn't happen. I am debating radiation but will have 4-6 weeks to decide. I am relieved the the prognosis is 5 years give or take without chemo. She asked if my husband was alive what I'd do. I told her if she can get my Marshall to walk thru the door I will do everything she asks. Told her I don't want 10-15 plus years. Five give or take will be more than enough. She wanted to know how I'd feel if I change my mind.I smiled and told her that will never happen.I want to be with my Marshall. And last night,actually I think between 3-4 a.m. I was awakened by the smell of his cologne. It was wonderful. I just want to be with him.

Comment by deborah peck on January 19, 2018 at 8:39pm

chuck and steve sorry you guys have a hard couple of days dates are so hard, praying for you both

Comment by David Heggi on January 19, 2018 at 7:59pm

You are so right, Deborah.  He would have been proud of you

Comment by deborah peck on January 19, 2018 at 2:48pm

Micheal, it was really hard for me to date let alone remarry after my 1st husband passed away, but years later I did and although it too was a different kind of love but a beautiful one we had a great and happy life together and I know that Rob would of been proud of the man that was now taking care of his family. I too became a different person the 1st time, I became a stronger woman and more self relient, that too he would of been proud of. I believe that everything that happens in our lives shape us into who we are be it good or bad . So go with the new you and enjoy this love you have found

Comment by deborah peck on January 19, 2018 at 2:43pm

I feel guilty whenever I use any of the life ins money to buy non essential items, so I have been wrestling with getting a new tv for awhile as my living room one is slowely fading out, I had decided to go get one then once again felt it wasn't necessary. Last night I had a dream, and in it I was discussing my tv delima with my dad who has passed and he said it was time for a new one, I took this as a sign so I went and did it and for the first time I don't feel guilty

Comment by Michael Smith on January 19, 2018 at 1:27pm

I have come to realize that I'm not the same person I was before Melanie passed. I was lucky enough to find love again but it is different. they are two different woman and sometimes I long for the love I shared with Melanie. I am a different person. There are so many things that I used to enjoy that only bring memories of what used to be.  I sometimes wish it was me instead of her, for the sake of our boys. She was an awesome mom. I spent time with her family last weekend and it felt weird. than again I'm not a huge fan of hanging around my own family anymore. The sad looks they give me. The questions they really don't want an answer to. Here is to hoping that 2018 brings some closure and much happiness to everyone here.



Comment by Sara Murphy on January 19, 2018 at 11:20am

Steve.....Happy Heavenly birthday to Mark today.  What a comfort that conversation with Mark must be to you.  I wish I had a similar conversation with Ken.  Maybe then I would feel less guilty about living.  And the thought of ever dating again throws me into a level of guilt I can't describe.  For you to have Mark's blessing to move on until you meet again is everything.  Some day the 4 of you will sit in Heaven and have quite the reminiscing session

Comment by Marsha H on January 19, 2018 at 5:00am

Dear Chuck ...  You expressed about your grief and getting on with life so well and no, those who are in fresh grief are not to that point yet.  We will always have a tear or two run down our cheeks every so often for our spouses, but we are getting stronger in many other ways. 

I know if lucky and I meet someone I will feel exactly like that woman.  It is time now for us to know that we are entitled to happiness and peace in our lives.  They say for some there is only one love in their life, but as humans we need human contact; need to feel needed and wanted.  It's all very normal.  First loves will always stay with us.

I can certainly understand how Steve and you feel about your spouse's special occasions and I can still feel that as well.  Every single occasion throughout the year I still get Ernie a card.  It is normal to mourn your spouses that have passed on and doesn't mean you don't love each other (just a different type of love) and you are so very lucky to have each other.  It is a more peaceful type of relationship which we solely need now as we grow older.

Your friend may not completely understand, but what a blessing they try.  That's all I ask.  I hope you and Steve truly believe that Mark and Larry made sure the two of you met, so hold that torch high, go forward in your new life together with a smile and the wisdom both of you learned from your spouses and 'pay it forward.'

Homesickness is a bump in the road in comparison to all the grief you and Steve have gone through.  You will be fine and as I said, 'you always have an exit' if you really don't like living there.  No one is ever trapped in such a situation.  Give it some time as Texans are friendly.  Don't try their Chili, you'll never survive and breath fire from every orifice of your body! LOL

It is so good to see you and Steve post once again on Legacy as we've all missed you.  

Love you more dear brother


Comment by Marsha H on January 19, 2018 at 4:47am

Steve ...  I've always been fascinated with her and have read her works for many years.  We sure have something in common and good taste too!  LOL

Love & hugs


Comment by Sara Murphy on January 18, 2018 at 9:47pm

Hi Chuck......So good to see you posting from your own account again.  I didn't realize how much I missed seeing your little profile pic with your posts until I saw it today.

That movie sounds interesting, maybe even a tearjerker?  The line about the quiet happiness is similar to a line from This is Us this pas week.  It's nice when the writer's get it right. 

It's a tough week ahead with both Mark and your birthday.  It's nice that you and Steve really understand each other's continued love of Larry and Mark and how certain dates are filled with emotions that can't be described.  That kind of support is not readily found.  Treasure it!

I know you're home sick for NJ but remember, you're always home when you're on Legacy.

Happy Birthday a few days early.

Love, Sara


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