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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by David Heggi on February 5, 2018 at 6:10pm

Dear Marsha,

you are so kind to share those thoughts with me.  I wake up feeling David's presence, and then all too soon realize that I am alone - how can our loved ones not be here to rally us; we shared our earthly journeys together as one. yet, still I have to wonder if that's not true.

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 5, 2018 at 6:02pm

HAHAHAHA...Marsha...thank u for your post about lightbulbs...that was the second highlight of my day. I do the same thing when one goes out. Seriously, I cry. Also, that is good to know about the death certificate thing. Takes away a lot of concerns.

But the real highlight of my day was about an hour ago...when I dumped over a half a liter of Wellers Green bourbon down the sink. I was sober for 37 years until about a year ago...I thought I was handling it just fine...yeah, right. No more temporary buzz to make me feel better. I finally figured it was more trouble in the long run...being a drunk is ALOT of work, and pain, just for a few quick buzzes that only last minutes..while the rest of the time I get to lie, hide, vomit and still don,t have Bob back. 

It will b 2 years since Bob died in a few weeks..and I am not handling it very well. I have been going through all our files, papers, photo..trying to get ready to move back to California..but there is so much STUFF! And each thing comes with a memory. Last year I was fine during this time, as I was living in LaLa Land..actually believing that Bob hadnt really died...combine that with the fact that I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A CAR...and that is my life. Thanks for letting me whine. 

Comment by Marsha H on February 5, 2018 at 5:04pm

Mary.Jane ...  Sorry to interrupt your post to Mark.  When you sign up for these programs I at least had to provide a copy of Ernie's Death Certificate.  I found the program for grief at the church extremely safe.  If in doubt phone the church and ask to talk to someone there and how they verify who is really in grief and how do they know for sure each person  is.  I understand your fears living alone, but if you need to feel safe for a bit until you get use to things don't go home right away.  Go to your friends for a bit or out for a coffee.  

I hope you do phone so that the person holding the grief program can help you with your concerns.  I never had any problems going to the church for grief counseling.  If it's not for you then you can go to a one-on-one grief session.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 5, 2018 at 4:59pm

Dear David ...  I cry when I hear that song too, but it makes me realize our beloved spouses are near us and walk beside us when we are at our lowest or feel we can't go on.  I want to give you an example:

Going into my first year of grief and slightly realization gripping me I felt so low, lonely and depressed and nothing I did seemed to work  out.  Even a light bulb going out that was to hard for me to reach would make me burst into tears and then I realized every time I felt this low about something the phone would ring within minutes and one of Ernie's friends would call and ask if there was anything they could do.  This was not random and it happened many times.  I could also feel Ernie around me and when I was in a tough spot I know he was there for me.  How lucky we are that God is on one side of us and our loved one on the other side giving us strength and going on into the future.  

I also love 'The Wind Beneath my Wings' and 'The Rose' as I'm a big Bette Midler fan.

So cry when you have to, but always remember your spouse is right there for you in your time of need with a boost from God.

I hope you are having a much better day David.

Comment by David Heggi on February 5, 2018 at 3:31pm

Marsha,

Your song made me cry like it was just yesterday that  my beloved died,  Then I listened to Bette Midler's  "The Wind Beneath my Wings" and "The Rose"  I truly lost it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 5, 2018 at 2:21pm

Ok..MARK

this is about the grief sharing groups you suggested..I checked, and there is one close to me...and I had decided I might go check it out..but then had second thoughts..I hate to sound paranoid, but I am. How do I know these people are all trustworthy? In this day and age, one cannot be too careful, and walking into a meeting of strangers, how can I b sure they are genuine. Of course I know that 99% of them are..but it is the one % I am afraid of. I have spent a great deal,of time making sure random people don,t know I am an older widow, living alone. Yes, I live in fear of everything..and I haven,t posted much lately cuz my husband of almost 49 years  2 year anniversary of his DOD is coming up at the end of this month...so I am in a bad place already...but my mind goes to the worst case scenario...someone following me home, knowing where I live and killing me. YEP, I am real stable these days. Thanks, and I apologize for my lack of trust.

Comment by Marsha H on February 5, 2018 at 6:12am

TO MY ANGELS HERE ...  This is one of my favorite songs and kept me going these 7 years.  You see, I do believe our beloved spouses never really leave us.  They are beside us when we are at our lowest or we feel we can't go on and want to give up.  I have left this song before, but felt it was worth putting on here again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7IbQyG9PL4

Much Love to you all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 5, 2018 at 3:55am

Hi Tammy:  I know how disheartening it is to have the memories we do of our spouses and my husband Ernie loved football or hockey (being Canadian.  LOL)  It has almost been 7 years since he passed and I can't bring myself to sit and watch sports any longer because it's not the same without him.  Sometimes he would invite friends over and I cooked up goodies for them and I sure miss that.  I know you are so sad over this, but please believe me when I say that one day it won't be quite as difficult for you to handle as it does now.  Perhaps try making a date with a girlfriend and go to a movie or out for dinner and forget watching the football game.  That often helps.  

I'll be thinking of you and saying a prayer that you get through this difficult time.  

A hug for you

Marsha

Comment by Tammy on February 4, 2018 at 5:46pm

My husband loved football and the Cowboys.  Our day would have been planned around the Super bowl today.  He would be cooking on his pit and  preparing food for the game.  

Comment by Marsha H on February 4, 2018 at 3:44pm

Mary.Jane ...  Not sure if he's been on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday program.  I am sure he has been around on several programs.  He really gets his message across with a little humor to lighten things up.

 

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