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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on February 3, 2018 at 10:52am

Marsha the link you shared is great, really makes you think

Comment by deborah peck on February 3, 2018 at 10:51am

Mark, I love the poem you shared it is eye opening.

Comment by Mark Christensen on February 3, 2018 at 7:15am

Here is the GriefShare link:

https://www.griefshare.org/findagroup

Also on YouTube there is a video about GriefShare:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP9OLFswuSo

Comment by Mark Christensen on February 3, 2018 at 7:09am

I lost Nada almost two years ago to colon cancer and it has been hard without her, but my adult children still need me and I know I need to be here to help them get settled in their lives. I have been going to the GriefShare program sponsored by a local church and I now have a new group of friends who have experienced a loss recently. We understand what each other is going through and can openly share our feelings and challenges we now have to face.  You might check to see what local churches sponsor the program in your area. It has been a tremendous help to all of us and we are now studying the book "Heaven" and meeting at someone's house. I'll find the link and post it where you can find what churches in your area might be sponsoring the program - it is free except for the workbook and you don't always have to be a member of that church. For me, it has been the new group of friends that I have made and we help each other out with things the others don't know how to do. (What do you do if the hot water heater doesn't heat, for example).

Here is the poem that helps me to understand and accept better why Nada went to Heaven - the Poem is "I Am Free" and can be found on Google.

                   I AM Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.

To follow the path God made for me.

I took His hand when I heard Him call.

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,

To love, to laugh, to work or play.

Tasks left undone must stay that way,

For I found peace at last, that day.

If my parting has left a void,

Then fill it with remembering joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with hearts of sorrow,

My wish for you is hope for tomorrow.

My life's been full, I've savored much,

Good friends, good times,

A loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed much too brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your heart and share with me,

God wants me now -- He's set me free.

Comment by Marsha H on February 3, 2018 at 5:22am

For all of us.  This is so inspirational and gives us the will to live on no matter what (please listen to the end.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5yuzI7fTtk&app=desktop

Comment by Marsha H on February 3, 2018 at 5:09am

Dear Christine ...  You're post had me in tears as I do honestly know how you feel about joining Marshall as I once felt the very same way.  I am happy you posted and that your cancer in your breast is contained and the lymph nodes are clear.  I promised you that whatever way you chose I would back you 100% and I will, but please think of this ...  it's not all about you, it's your daughter, family and friends that love you so much.  Ask yourself this question, 'would Marshall want me to go out this way?'  I think not Christine.  

There is nothing wrong with you at all for thinking the way you are and I know you can't help it.  When I had my surgery (no cancer thank God) I went hoping I wouldn't wake up from surgery and join Ernie.  Now I look back and so glad I didn't as I know Ernie wouldn't want me to give up that easily.  I also didn't consider how it would affect other's who loved me, but it finally sunk in.  Life at best is not a bed of roses whether we had our spouses still here or not and we all have experienced that.

You have gone through so much so please give yourself time and when you are rested and out of pain that you will look at both sides of the coin.

Hugs

Marsha  

Comment by Christine Blaire on February 2, 2018 at 6:59pm

Had a call from the surgeon today,pathology report came in. I was told that the cancer was aggressive and they were right. On Dec. 28 it was 2.9 centimeters. On Jan.30 it was 3.3 centimeters but the margins were all good which meant it hasn't spread into the surrounding skin. It just grew. Also the four lymph nodes were all negative. If it had been deep in the breast and I left it I was looking at a year. Ok...I know some,actually most,will think I'm being a bitch but I had been hoping there was cancer in the lymph nodes. The surgeon knows I'm not doing chemo and hopes ill do radiation. My daughter told her after the surgery that there was a good chance that I would not do radiation. The Dr said she thought that. What is wrong with me? Anyone else would be jumping for joy over this news. I feel bad in that I wish my diagnosis could be traded to someone who really wants to live and can't. I would trade places with them. So yes, there will be no radiation or other treatments. I want to be with my Marshall sooner than later and as I stated before the only reason I had this removed is because it was close to the surface and it would have broken thru and been a nasty smelly painful open sore that I wouldn't let even a stranger dress. It wouldn't be fair oily r to expect someone to dress that. I am in some pain and I'm tired but it doesn't bother me. He was in pain,could I do no less? I can't help how I feel about all of this. My friends are happier than I am and I do feel guilty so I thank them and cry when I'm alone.

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 1, 2018 at 9:22pm

Love that Chicago.  It's so on point.  I may post that on my facebook page.

Comment by Marsha H on February 1, 2018 at 3:22pm

Chicago Bear ...  That does pretty much as all of us feel.  I guess people who care about us just have to try to help us all they can when they see the pain in our eyes.

Comment by Chicago Beard on February 1, 2018 at 10:26am

Thought this summed things up very well!

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