Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 9, 2018 at 9:38am

Thank you all so much...your responses and your advice mean so much to me. I am so grateful for this place. It has prevented a lot of stress, knowing I am not alone in this.

Comment by David Heggi on February 9, 2018 at 9:32am

Mary Jane,

Moving disrupts everything.  When we dig and sort we are bringing up all that we have tried to bury.  I moved two weeks ago, and I am still an emotional and physical wreck;  I had to experience my loss all over again.  Once you are resettled it will all eventually go back where we put it  - not putting Bob back, but the memories that are causing so much pain.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 9, 2018 at 8:55am

Dear Marsha, hi,

I wanted to drop you a line privately, but was unable to do so because of some change in the setting. I just wanted to say hello and touch base. Wishing you good luck for the dating site! Hope you meet the right person.

Warm hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 9, 2018 at 8:41am

Dear Mary Jane,

I have been in Bangladesh for the past two months taking care of my mentally handicapped brother (it is a responsibility that I share with my three other siblings) and have been overwhelmed beyond measure. That's why I haven't participated here, but after reading your post I had to respond. You are going through a most horrible stage that many bereaved spouses/partners have to face at one point or another. Like you say, this process is like reliving the death of your beloved spouse all over again. In May 2016, almost two years after Joseph's death I started this gut-wrenching process in order to get myself ready to sell our house in Alaska and move to California to be closer to my other brother. That whole year--2016--was a living nightmare. Joseph and I absolutely LOVED our house and just the mere thought of having to sell and and move out seemed like I was committing  treachery against Joseph. I kept a number of Joseph's clothes, but the bulk of them I donated to Goodwill and homeless shelters. He was a sharp dresser and it was extremely painful to part with his personal items. And like you say, the hundreds of accumulated pieces of boxes, shelves, closets, and cabinets all had a story to tell. Each of them were full of memories of my life with Joseph. Each object or birthday/anniversary card conjured up memories and it was like a knife in my heart each time. So my dear friend, I know like so many of us here what hell you are having to face now. Please take it easy. As Steve and Marsha suggested, you don't have to deal with every piece of paper now. What I did is was put some of the boxes in a storage in Alaska and dealt with them a year later. So if there are some old boxes you don't have to deal with them now, but leave them for later. 

Sending you good thoughts and praying for your peace.

Love, Trina

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:30am

Dear Steve Cain, thanks for the information and I'll give it a try.  Wish me luck (I'm going to need it.  LOL)

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:28am

Rebecca ...  Also wanted to add that on a very, very few occasions some people do meet on this site and take their chat to 'privacy', but it's rare.  If someone is using the name of a person on here I doubt it's them at all.  Now you know why I don't care for Facebook!  Private IS NOT private.  I've had friends get into also sorts of scrapes on there.  It's OK to chat about every day things, but private issues I hesitate.  

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:12am

Mary.Jane ... Steve Cain gave you some good advice.  There is no great rush to 'do it all' so take a breather every so often.  Instead of reading each piece of paper get a box and mark it 'important papers' and just put them in the box and go through them when you are in California.  I also had suggested if you give some of Bob's clothing away to keep the odd thing like a sweater he use to wear; T-shirt, bathrobe.  You don't have to give everything he owned away.  How I know what you are going through and I felt as if I was letting Ernie know he was gone and so what.  It was just a necessity I had to sell the truck/camper and his beloved boat (that was the hardest one) because it was of no use to me any longer. When each one was bought I cried all day so it's normal to feel this way.  I fell into a complete stupor when I had to take his name off of accounts at the bank, give copies of his death certificate because reality finally slapped me in the face.   Bob's in your heart Mary and no one can take that away.  

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:03am

Rebecca ...  I checked this email out for you and 'don't answer it!'  Go to this link: Basically tells you what is it's about and also is a good company based in Russia, but, this one is a scam or someone trying to get into your private sites.

Hope this helps.


Comment by deborah peck on February 9, 2018 at 3:03am

Rebecca , that is very weird, I wouldn't respond to it, its a little scary, people can find so much about you by you respomding

Comment by Rebecca Aughenbaugh on February 9, 2018 at 2:17am

Hello friends.

i just received this email from a person on here. Alarm bells rang when I read it. Am I being silly?. 

Here is the message.

e added a comment to your profile on LegacyConnect

Good Day,

How is everything with you, I picked interest on you after going through your short profile and deemed it necessary to write you immediately. I have something very vital to disclose to you, but I found it difficult to express myself here, since it's a public site.Could you please get back to me on:( for the full details.

Have a nice day

Thanks God bless.


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