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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Conversations: 16 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on February 9, 2018 at 7:16pm

I just got the same message that Rebecca did..from a Tidane Ndiaye. The message doesn,t show up on my profile...I think we have a BIG problem. 

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:18pm

Mary.Jane ...  So happy all of us could help you through this heart-breaking time of going through the memories you had with Bob.  You have gotten some excellent advice from many on this site as you already know and appreciate.  Take your time my friend and if you are uncertain of what to give away then pack it up. store it and as Trina says, wait a bit and then go through everything.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:16pm

Dearest Trina ...  Do miracles ever cease!  I was thinking of you last night and wondering how YOU were doing and had every intention this morning of posting to you and there you were, my bright angel!  With all the problems you have you are so sweet to wish me luck on a dating site and I feel I'm going to need a miracle.  As we age it is far more difficult to find someone who can keep up with the other person, but I'll dive in and give it a go.  I am not trying to replace my beloved Ernie at all and I only want to have a nice gentleman to share things with and have a little fun before my time comes.  One is a lonely number, but some people do feel comfortable with being alone.  I am a 'people person' so it's difficult for me to be alone constantly.  I have a small family and a few loyal friends, but they have their lives too.  It's not been easy.

I am so sorry your brother is not well and I can only imagine how difficult it is for you and your sisters, but all of you do is with much love.  Please look after yourself and keep in touch.  Miss you a great deal.  Remember, Joseph is near you in every endeavor you take on.

Love & Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Steve on February 9, 2018 at 10:04am

Dear Mary Jane,

Moving for any one of us is not easy, and my dear sister is in of itself an understatement.  Months before Mark passed our apartment complex advised us that we had to move out at the end of our lease.  They had completed upgrades to literally every apt except ours and the new company left us to do last because we were their longest residents.  We were offered the very unit below ours with all the up grades and we accepted.  Mark passed on November 30th and our scheduled move was January 3rd.  Fortunately, a friend at work notified me a couple of days before the move that she and 3 others from work would be there to handle everything, and so they did, I was tasked with keeping our dog Bella out of the way.

2 years later I find myself moving to New Jersey, retired and knowing that I had to pack and store everything made it simpler, I did not sort out things that I had left undone.

Arriving back in Texas to a new place and having now to sort thru all of my stuff has caught up with me.  I found birthday cards that I had drawn and decorated for Mark and likewise cards from him to me.  I found his journals that he kept on everything from school to day to day living.  I also found 3 old digital cameras, one of which recorded his voice while he was trying to figure out how to use it and the others had photos he took of Bella and things in our apartment.

I thought I was doing so much better, funny how something as simple as hearing his voice brought back all those wonderful and frightful memories in a nano second.

So please be kind to yourself and listen to all the Angels here, they truely have your back and are wise beyond theis own grief.

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 9, 2018 at 9:38am

Thank you all so much...your responses and your advice mean so much to me. I am so grateful for this place. It has prevented a lot of stress, knowing I am not alone in this.

Comment by David Heggi on February 9, 2018 at 9:32am

Mary Jane,

Moving disrupts everything.  When we dig and sort we are bringing up all that we have tried to bury.  I moved two weeks ago, and I am still an emotional and physical wreck;  I had to experience my loss all over again.  Once you are resettled it will all eventually go back where we put it  - not putting Bob back, but the memories that are causing so much pain.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 9, 2018 at 8:55am

Dear Marsha, hi,

I wanted to drop you a line privately, but was unable to do so because of some change in the setting. I just wanted to say hello and touch base. Wishing you good luck for the dating site! Hope you meet the right person.

Warm hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on February 9, 2018 at 8:41am

Dear Mary Jane,

I have been in Bangladesh for the past two months taking care of my mentally handicapped brother (it is a responsibility that I share with my three other siblings) and have been overwhelmed beyond measure. That's why I haven't participated here, but after reading your post I had to respond. You are going through a most horrible stage that many bereaved spouses/partners have to face at one point or another. Like you say, this process is like reliving the death of your beloved spouse all over again. In May 2016, almost two years after Joseph's death I started this gut-wrenching process in order to get myself ready to sell our house in Alaska and move to California to be closer to my other brother. That whole year--2016--was a living nightmare. Joseph and I absolutely LOVED our house and just the mere thought of having to sell and and move out seemed like I was committing  treachery against Joseph. I kept a number of Joseph's clothes, but the bulk of them I donated to Goodwill and homeless shelters. He was a sharp dresser and it was extremely painful to part with his personal items. And like you say, the hundreds of accumulated pieces of boxes, shelves, closets, and cabinets all had a story to tell. Each of them were full of memories of my life with Joseph. Each object or birthday/anniversary card conjured up memories and it was like a knife in my heart each time. So my dear friend, I know like so many of us here what hell you are having to face now. Please take it easy. As Steve and Marsha suggested, you don't have to deal with every piece of paper now. What I did is was put some of the boxes in a storage in Alaska and dealt with them a year later. So if there are some old boxes you don't have to deal with them now, but leave them for later. 

Sending you good thoughts and praying for your peace.

Love, Trina

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:30am

Dear Steve Cain, thanks for the information and I'll give it a try.  Wish me luck (I'm going to need it.  LOL)

Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2018 at 4:28am

Rebecca ...  Also wanted to add that on a very, very few occasions some people do meet on this site and take their chat to 'privacy', but it's rare.  If someone is using the name of a person on here I doubt it's them at all.  Now you know why I don't care for Facebook!  Private IS NOT private.  I've had friends get into also sorts of scrapes on there.  It's OK to chat about every day things, but private issues I hesitate.  

 

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