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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on February 15, 2018 at 7:40am

Yesterday was hard at parts, I wrote messages to Greg on a balloon and released it to the heaven above. I got a flower delivery that my daughter sent from Greg, it was roses and carnations which are flowers special to both my marriages. then just played in my craft room and binge watched netfilx, I did what I wanted to do because that's what he would of wanted and at 12:00 I said a thank you that the day was finally over and I survived it.  love to all have a great day

Comment by Marsha H on February 15, 2018 at 5:14am

I hope most of you got through Valentine's Day.  I confess for some reason even almost 7 years after Ernie passed this year was difficult.  I saw couples together laughing and holding hands, men rushing around to buy flowers and cards and it is heart-wrenching to say the least.  Ernie and I always did something for Valentine's Day even if it was me making a special romantic dinner and he bringing me flowers it was the best of times.  As Mary.Jane said we were so fortunate to have met the spouses we had and how we loved each other.  I made steak for myself with the trimmings and laugh or not shared some with my 2 dogs.  LOL  I also bought a nice Valentine's card for Ernie and put it on top of his box of ashes.  I just can't help myself when it comes to that and not trying to act like the mad woman of my street.  LOL  Things got a little easier for me as the evening wore on and I did keep busy during the day.

Hope all of you felt some peace and love and that your loved ones were close by.

Comment by Marsha H on February 15, 2018 at 5:08am

Sara ...  that was so beautiful and I concur!  Words couldn't have said it better.  Thank you so much!

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 14, 2018 at 10:51pm

I agree, ladies. Tonight, while watching a special about the best romantic movies, and I listened to the song “I had the time of my life” when it occurred to me...I HAD had the time of my life with Bob! And some people NEVER find what we all here had...even tho they’re gone now...we were blessed, because we had amazing love...the time of our lives.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 14, 2018 at 9:55pm

This is true to the core.  As long as I'm alive, Ken will be loved and remembered. 

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Comment by Sara Murphy on February 14, 2018 at 9:54pm

Thank you Deb.  I've also been thinking of everyone today.  It's hard enough to see other people in relationships but today it's a littler harder.  Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Comment by deborah peck on February 14, 2018 at 9:33am

Thinking of everyone today and sending prayers your way

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 12, 2018 at 7:32pm

Making a detailed list of what is in each box is a great idea. Thank you for sharing all of that. You’re correct..I am terrified. 

Did you move your stuff yourselves, or did u hire a moving company? My daughter and I realized we cannot load a trailer like Bob and I did 15 years ago so I am afraid I will have to hire a company to move our stuff...I have no idea what something like that costs...let’s face it..this whole thing is one fear after another...bur I will keep focusing on the fact that YOU did it.

Beard, thank you. I am so sorry you, and all of us had to do that. I donated a lot of Bobs clothes BOb DIDN,t wear..but still haven’t gone thru his t shirts or his dresser drawer...I dread that job. 

The one thing that comforts me, is thankfully I DIDN,t die first. If I had, I know he couldn,t have handled ANYof this. Oddly during most of our marriage, he “ran the ship” so to speak...but the last few years, he handed the reins to me...I used to tell him where important stuff was, but he wasn,t interested...I KNOW he knew he was going to die. All his life he was TERRIFIED of cancer...I don,t know how he knew, but he did. And, sadly, he was correct. Ironically, I always thought if he ever got cancer, he would be grumpy,angry  and rude, etc...but the exact opposite happened...all through his illness, he was in good spirits..it was like something he had feared all his life had finally happened...and he didn’t have to be afraid anymore. 

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on February 12, 2018 at 3:42pm

Hi Mary Jane, here's part 2.

I labeled multiple cartons with the same words like "Studio/miscellaneous" - now I have to open and empty each box as reached hoping to find the one tool/paper/item I need.

I have undertaken a very small personal business venture wherein I display and sell my doll collection in a local antique mall. I don't have room to keep it here in our home, and can use the income. But really what it is doing is making me try something that draws me out of myself and makes me connect with the world a bit more. It is just renting a single display case, and it doesn't require my involvement beyond setting up and pricing my inventory. It also motivates me to keep unpacking and trying to make our home as comfortable and nice as possible.

I would love for you, when facing this monumental undertaking so fraught with emotion, and in my case trepidation, to try to imagine me 5 months ago doing exactly what you are doing. Now picture me in a new state, new home, new "business", and still standing! That last part is what always amazes me, and brings me back to the same simple belief that has gotten me through the last 3 years - the thought that God for some reason isn't through with my life here, and believing that I just have to daily pray that what I am doing, however insignificant or meaningless it may seem, is somehow what I am supposed to be doing, and is maybe helping someone else in a way unknowable to me. At least that's what I like to think.

You, my friend, absolutely can do this task before you, and I believe you can find the tenacity, the necessary sense of humor (believe me - you'll need that), and come to appreciate the occasional irony you will undoubtedly encounter. Face these with the bravery I know you have, from dealing with your loss to your health, and you will be one day looking back as I do feeling very proud of your accomplishment. You will make new friends, see new places, but always your love for your beloved Bob will be with you, and every time you speak about him to someone new their eyes will show their comprehension of how much you have endured and how much they admire your strength to make this move.It's nice to see, believe me.

I'm sending all my strength and support your way - from a distance you have a willing and eager helper as you pack!

Love,

Chuck

Comment by Chicago Beard on February 12, 2018 at 11:06am

Mary Jane

Just read your comment about moving and going through things. I can only imagine how you feel. When I went through Rose's clothes I cried like I did on the day she died. The wound is still raw and having to revisit any part of your lives together hurts terribly. I feel for you and am sending positive thoughts and huge virtual hugs!

 

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