Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Nov 22, 2017. 2 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Marsha H Oct 25, 2017. 4 Replies

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Comment by Sara Murphy on February 20, 2018 at 9:29pm

Deb.......I'm sorry, that must have been so hard to do.   I'm giving you a virtual hug too.  I can't even imagine packing up Ken's belongings. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 20, 2018 at 7:19pm

I guess it does,Deborah, and I am so very sorry. Your post was very short, but said VOLUMES...and I am sending u a virtual hug, as I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Bobs 2 yr   anniversary is coming up...and I have just today finished what I hope is the last of shredding all of the papers...I have been crying all it seems so even his signature has been erased...this is almost as bad as the day he died...I was in shock then..then in denial last year...but now it is brutally real.


Comment by deborah peck on February 20, 2018 at 10:44am

Last night my girls came over to go thru Gregs belongings and to pick out what they wanted, was really hard to watch most of his belongings be packed up to go to their homes, his side of the closet is almost bare, I guess it means its permanent

Comment by Marsha H on February 17, 2018 at 6:32pm

Dear Christine ...  I'm so happy to hear that the fluid is draining and you should be feeling better soon.  The more fluid out the better it is.  Also with Home Health Care coming in it makes things a little easier.  

It's true, men just don't do well when their spouse is not well.  Women are nurturers and seem to know what to do more than the poor men do.  I am sure he is watching over you Christine.  I know what you mean when so many people tell us how strong we are, but sometimes I get so tired of being strong and would love to have someone to lean on; preferably Ernie, but that's not reality.

I understand what you mean with your sweet little Victoria being by your side and trying to get you to play with her.  She wants to get you smiling again.  Oh yes, dogs and even cats know when we are not ourselves.  I have my two little dogs and they were so loyal and got me up and moving shortly after Ernie passed away.  Even now if I have a crying time they are right there for me or, they act silly playing together, then look to see if I'm looking (which I am) and they get me laughing and all is well.

Get well soon Christine and please keep us posted.

Comment by Christine Blaire on February 17, 2018 at 9:50am

The surgeon was surprised at how much fluid that she drained from the site where the non cancerous lymph nodes were! She packed it and said it will really drain a lot for next three days,so stay home. She called in home health care to dress it till she sees me next week. Can't believe how much stuff is coming out. Oh well. My daughter said her dad couldn't deal with this. Not that he would leave,just that he loves me so that it would disturb him so much. She said God took him first because God knows I'm the stronger one. Somehow I don't feel so strong. Our little puppy,Victoria rose, doesn't leave my side. At 4 1/2 lbs. She knows when I'm sad...which is all the time. She will even lick my tears and bring me a toy,tilt her little head as if it say"im here mommy play with me,you'll feel better" and you know what,,,she's right. I don't know what I'd do without her. Bless us all today that we can have a day of some sort of peace.

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 15, 2018 at 7:17pm

Good job, Christine...Debora, that was so heartfelt, I wrote it down in my journal...thank you.

Comment by Christine Blaire on February 15, 2018 at 10:31am

I agree with Mary Jane...we did have the time of your lives!  Yesterday didn't really hit me as the spot where the lymph nodes were removed got infected. Red,hard, hot and swollen. Called the Dr and was prescribed 500 mg ciprofloxacin for ten days,two a day. Made me tired and last night it started to drain,clear yelling w. Today it does my hurt as much and not as swelled. I see the surgeon tomorrow. Since its draining she won't have to lance it. Lovely. My daughter is all worried but I told her I'm not gonna from it! Lol so I got thru my first Val. Day without him.not the best way to do it but it served the purpose!  I'm very tired today so expect to do something I don't normally do..take a nap. Love to you all

Comment by deborah peck on February 15, 2018 at 7:40am

Yesterday was hard at parts, I wrote messages to Greg on a balloon and released it to the heaven above. I got a flower delivery that my daughter sent from Greg, it was roses and carnations which are flowers special to both my marriages. then just played in my craft room and binge watched netfilx, I did what I wanted to do because that's what he would of wanted and at 12:00 I said a thank you that the day was finally over and I survived it.  love to all have a great day

Comment by Marsha H on February 15, 2018 at 5:14am

I hope most of you got through Valentine's Day.  I confess for some reason even almost 7 years after Ernie passed this year was difficult.  I saw couples together laughing and holding hands, men rushing around to buy flowers and cards and it is heart-wrenching to say the least.  Ernie and I always did something for Valentine's Day even if it was me making a special romantic dinner and he bringing me flowers it was the best of times.  As Mary.Jane said we were so fortunate to have met the spouses we had and how we loved each other.  I made steak for myself with the trimmings and laugh or not shared some with my 2 dogs.  LOL  I also bought a nice Valentine's card for Ernie and put it on top of his box of ashes.  I just can't help myself when it comes to that and not trying to act like the mad woman of my street.  LOL  Things got a little easier for me as the evening wore on and I did keep busy during the day.

Hope all of you felt some peace and love and that your loved ones were close by.

Comment by Marsha H on February 15, 2018 at 5:08am

Sara ...  that was so beautiful and I concur!  Words couldn't have said it better.  Thank you so much!


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