Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Linda Price yesterday. 97 Replies

Hello, and Thank You

Started by George Chavez. Last reply by DJ Aug 3. 7 Replies

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on March 10, 2018 at 7:07pm

Sara ...  Sorry to hear about the storm, but happy you are safe.  I feel the same as you do even now after almost 7 years without Ernie when a storm comes.  I have 300 foot Cedar trees in my backyard and when a big wind comes up I am anxious, but when Ernie was here I felt safer.

I also know what you mean about no one checking up on you, but thankfully one friend did.  I get the same thing here and it frustrates me.  When Ernie passed grief counseling warned us that some friends would disappear out our lives, but I sure didn't expect my small immediate family to not give blast whether I was save or sound after a storm.  I have 2 nephews that live less than 2 blocks from me.  It saddens my heart.  I know Ernie would be so disappointed that so many friends disappeared from my life (as if I never counted) and people made promises to me at his Celebration of Life ...  don't worry, we'll be there.  Yeah right!  My next door neighbor Dan is fairly good at helping me, but works and often is away.  I also have a nice young man who will come when I need him to do heavy things for me, but of course I have to pay.  Gone are the old days when neighbors and friends worried about each other.

I hope and pray you are having better days Sara.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 10, 2018 at 4:01pm

So my area had another nor'easter this past week which is nothing new for New England.  My area was hit hard and 90% of my town was without power.  The power was only out for 31 hours but it was a long 31 hours.  I miss Ken so much more during times like these.  I had no one to snuggle with and keep warm and no one to share the worry with.  If a tree fell on my house, I'm on my own.  It's such an uncomfortable feeling.   I only had one friend call to check on me because she saw on the news how hard hit my town was.   I would love to be able to talk to Ken right now and ask if he's disappointed in the people he thought he'd be able to count on.  I meant everything to him so I'm sure he is disappointed.  This is one of the first things I want to ask him when we meet again.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 10, 2018 at 3:53pm

Jesse, I'm so sorry for loss that brought you to us.  Unfortunately you're just beginning a long and arduous journey.  Please don't put any pressure on yourself or set unrealistic timetables of where you should be in your grief at any point in time.  You're just one month in and for me, one month was the equivalent of 5 minutes.  I lost my husband Ken in Jan 16 so I'm just over the 2 year mark and I still can't believe he's gone.  I think about him all day every day and miss him with every breath I take.  I also still can't see a future without him.  You've come to the right place, a place of people who truly understand.  I hope you'll be able to find the comfort here that I did. 

Comment by DJ on March 10, 2018 at 12:44pm

Jesse; so sorry for your loss.  It is not a place any of us want to be... This site has been such a help to me, as the angels here know grieving like nobody who hasn't lost a spouse can.  I don't post much, but I've been following everyone's journey for several years.  After 37 years together, my wife died in 2014, not quite a year after she was diagnosed with brain cancer.  Just as you describe, I was in a fog, just a bubble barely floating along - bursting at almost anything.  I pretty much hid away, as I struggled to maintain composure.  I get such comfort from reading the posts on this site, seeing that the symptoms I experience are typical.  The first couple years I clung to the hope that some day I'd get out of the fog, knowing that others on this site have managed - and so grateful that they are sharing their journey.  These angels will be helping you, too, you'll see.

Comment by Jesse Angel Rodriguez on March 9, 2018 at 11:26am
I lost my other half on February 8, 2018. He was only 28. Its March 9th and it feels like it just happened yesterday. I miss him sooooo much! How do i go on like this? Every morning I wake up and I truly feel as if I'm on another planet. It's almost like I don't believe he's gone. My emotional and mental state are in limbo; I don't know when I will start crying, or start talking to myself, let alone go on the internet to check his tumblr to see if you responded to my messages. I'm torn because I have no communication with his family and they're the closest thing I have of him. This fog just seems to be getting thicker as the days go on. I miss John like crazy and I just want to hold him again. My deepest condolences to you all for your loved ones who have passed. If any of you have any suggestions or can relate please let me know
Comment by Mary. Jane on March 8, 2018 at 9:47am

THankyou Debora. Unfortunately, there are about 6 boxes left that we can,t do...we are physically and mentally done. They will have to wait until May, when she returns. Yes, I could have another relative help me, but these are private...and we don,t want anyone else going through them. They are our lives...and the most amazing thing..I was so afraid of SPIDERS..which is why we picked this time of May there will b more insects...but I feel so cleansed..and now I have hope, and incentive to clear out more closets.

I also have SHREDDERS pain...from all the papers I shredded and there is still more..but it was SOOOOO worth it..I am babbling..

Comment by deborah peck on March 8, 2018 at 7:40am

mary jane, you both have been working so hard, mentally and physically, its crazy what you can accumulate without even realizing it. But how exciting and scary to be making such a huge move, I wish you all the luck and best wishes on your new journey

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 7, 2018 at 12:14pm

P.S. the Goodwill is only 3 minutes away,thank God.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 7, 2018 at 12:13pm

My daughter has been here all week helping me...we took all the boxes from the was HORRIFYING. There must have been 50-60 boxes..BOb was HUGE Hoarder. We have been unpacking each one, making trips to the Goodwill 2 times daily...we never threw anything out. There are boxes of paper we have to stubs from the ‘60s even...she has been working SO is so overwhelming.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 7, 2018 at 12:08pm

Deborah..that is wonderful! You will never forget your first wonderful laugh in the middle of your grief. I remember mine..It was last summer.I was so stunned after I stopped laughing at something on TV that stuck me so funny came out of nowhere..I remember I posted it here...and after my shock I felt HOPE! Then I cried, but it was a good cry...a cry a maybe it was possible to want to have a life again.

it wasn’t weird at all. You GO girl,


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