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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1359
Latest Conversations: 6 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on March 14, 2018 at 8:47pm

Dear Anthony,

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through after your terrible loss. I lost my husband Larry to cancer just short of 3 years ago on April 22 2015. David is so right that time does help in the healing, but right now the important thing is that you know you are not alone in how confused and angry you may feel. I truly thought I was losing my mind before I found this group, and still come back seeking the support and encouragement I need and always will find here I know. I have shared things I never could with Larry's and my families, and even close friends - they just would look at me and say inane rehearsed expressions of comfort that to me meant nothing. Here we all know the deep loneliness, anger, and fear that can overcome us without warning, brought on by anything at all. Sara's going through the terrible storms around Boston area are a perfect example - I went through something similar after a downed tree took out my power, phone, and left me without water from my well. I was alone, disabled, and terrified without Larry's calming rational presence upon which I had leaned for 32 years. Like Sara, I often wonder what he is thinking as he watched our "friends" ignore or forget me one by one.

Please know everyone here will listen without judgement to anything you say and offer our experiences, our understanding, and our love unconditionally.

Be well, and God Bless You

Love,Chuck

Comment by David Heggi on March 14, 2018 at 6:51pm

Bless you, Anthony.  We don't care if you have trouble verbalizing exactly how you are feeling;  just posting any words you can find to make a connection is enough to get the attention you need - we've all been there; we know.

Comment by Anthony Umphenour on March 14, 2018 at 4:52pm

Thank you for your kind words David and encouraging me to post.  It's hard for me to verbalize my emptiness, loneliness, and deep sorrow.  I know it helps the grieving process to communicate my feelings.  It's hard to dig for words when I'm scared to be torn apart again.  It just sucks!  I hate cancer!

Comment by David Heggi on March 14, 2018 at 1:10pm

I'm so sorry, Anthony.  Your loss is so new and raw;  it is what each of us in this group has gone through.  This has been said many times, but it is true:  time does heal.  In the meantime, and especially now, please post those sometimes scary feelings here anytime. There are many kind people here ready to listen and give you support

Comment by Anthony Umphenour on March 14, 2018 at 9:35am

Thank you Sara for reaching out to me.  You are very kind.  I lost my husband on 10/6/17 after bravely fighting for 3 years from colon cancer.  He was not only my love but my support.  I feel like I'm drowning in sorrow and can't catch my breath.  I can't even type these without tears streaming down my face.  

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 13, 2018 at 9:41pm

Chicago....true statement.  Wish I knew how to start over.

Comment by Chicago Beard on March 13, 2018 at 11:08am

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Comment by Steve Cain on March 11, 2018 at 4:43am

Sara,

Glad to know you're OK and still with us. Please use us as your check in point. If you need us to contact someone for assistance let us know and we'll make phone calls if you can't.

Jesse,

Like all of us here, you are now, sadly, part of the club no one wants to be a member of. As Mary Jane says, we're happy that you found us. We are here for you when others aren't.

What you are experiencing is what a lot of here have gone through in terms of feeling lost in a fog.  I am a very mentally organized person and after I lost Kris I couldn't even organize my everyday life.  It does improve, even though right now you're not sure what is going on.

I will also tell you to contact your local hospice. Most of them have programs for surviving spouses. Mine set me up with a companion who visited me during the first two years. He was very helpful, especially the day I found out my stepson was stealing from my wife's and my checking account. That human touch, as good as having us can be, is the conduit that can mean the difference between keeping together or not.

We're here whenever you need us, so if you're going through a moment, reach out, someone will get back to you.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 10, 2018 at 11:01pm

Jesse..I am happy you found us so early in your pain and loss. This place has been a life saver for me, and hopefully it can be for you, too. As Sara stated...your journey is just starting...but the people here UNDERSTAND what you are going through, when our personal friends who HAVEN’T faced this tragedy try, and mean well, but don,t always know what to say or how to act around us.

I lost my husband Bob 2 years ago...after 49 years of marriage..yeah, I am really old..lol, and in most ways it seems like it was only yesterday. But YOU will change. I DIDN,t think I would make it through the first year...but I did..thanks to being here...you are fortunate to have found us so soon. It took me over a year to find this group, and when I did, it was like coming home. I  wish you all things good. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 10, 2018 at 10:44pm

Oh Sara, I know the terror you must have felt..and possibly will again, as nature brings us such terrible things. Tonight we had a thunderstorm, and this is the beginning of tornado season..I ran around packing my small case, and getting the cats carrier ready..and it was just thunder. I pre freaked...sometimes I think we should have the phone numbers of everyone, so we can call them in times of terror...cuz my wi-fi doesn,t work in power failures. That was actually meant to b a bit humorous, but other people just don,t get it...the level of fear those of us who are alone now. 

Also, the last few years, the weather has been doing terrible things to us humans...

 

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