Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Lost my husband

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Comment by Virginia on April 2, 2018 at 6:59pm

Thanks Diane for your response and yes it will always be hard and I wish the best for your mother.

Comment by Diane C on April 2, 2018 at 11:28am

Hi Virginia,

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in being alone.... My husband died 5 years ago (6 in August). We were always the "party" people. Having held all the holiday dinners. My mother has fallen ill recently and was in a nursing home this weekend. So my daughter had me over to her house Saturday to celebrate our Easter dinner. It was odd, and I really appreciated her doing that for me. One less thing to worry about this year. But it was very hard, and the drive home was miserable. I miss my husband every day of my life, but holidays hit me the hardest. I am one tough broad and know I will be okay. But it is the hardest thing I have ever and will ever endure. Nothing will ever change that fact!

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 1, 2018 at 2:58pm

Don’t go!  Seriously, if you don,t want to..decline. I did. Since rain is expected today, my niece changed plans to yesterday...and I decided I DIDN,t want to go, so I DIDN’T. They will understand. You need to put yourself first. Good luck.

Comment by deborah peck on April 1, 2018 at 12:25pm

today is the last holiday I spent with Greg, nt a good day. really wish I didn't have to go to a family Easter today

Comment by Virginia on April 1, 2018 at 9:36am

Hello everyone, I haven't been on in a long time and wanted to stop by today. On April 29th my beloved husband will be gone 9 yrs. and yes it has gotten easier to live my new normal but now I'm having to deal with another new normal. This past Thanksgiving was the first time in 40 plus yrs. that there was no one to cook for or no where to go, now I do have my sister living with me but I can't cook a big holiday meal for two I have no children. Well we wound up going out to eat and how empty that made me feel, now here it is Easter and again no where to go and not cooking my Easter meal so we have decided to stay in and eat leftovers. I never thought that this would happen but when your Nieces and nephews have their own families and go to their in laws and your left out it brings back the pain of your loss.  My husband always loved all the holidays and we always had the family and friends and anyone who was alone here, 15 to 20 people easy, now it's just me and my sister and it is a sad hard time 9 yrs. later.  I hope you all have a blessed Easter hugs to all.

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 31, 2018 at 11:18pm

This has been a very strange week. I have felt WEIRD..and melancholy all week...and afraid and really out of sorts. For some reason,I am really missing Bob...more so than usual..and, yes, Sara and Deborah..none of this seems real. Like it is one horrible nightmare and I am going to wake up and it will all have been a horrible dream..but it’s real. 

No, Christine..we will never be who we were again. The person I was when Bob died, is’s like I died with him...but our lives DIDN,t we have to forge new lives out of the wreckage we were left with. But, we were also left with HOPE...and we have to hold onto that. I believe we are here for a reason. Yes, many times I think “what’s the point.” of me living..but last week I was Slammed in the temple by a car made a huge welt..and instead of me thinking maybe I will die...exactly the opposite happened...I prayed to live...and I realized I really DO want to live! For at least 10-15 more years! 

Comment by deborah peck on March 30, 2018 at 10:42am

Christine, none of us are the same person we were and I don't think we are supposed to be, everything that you go thru in live makes you the person you are, be it bad or good things so everyone is constantly changing a little at a time, its very hard but its just something we have to deal with, I too am just putting one foot in front of the other and living minute by minute but I know eventually it will get easier, we just have to haave patience, something that seems impossible to do, hope today is a good day for everyone

Comment by Christine Blaire on March 29, 2018 at 2:25pm

Ladies....and sirs too.....I am not the person I once was. Nothing can bring her back. Broken hearts heal,mine is shattered way beyond repair. My dear Marshall was my reason for living. Everyday brings me closer to being with him. I pray every night for God to take care of my Marshall,for Him to let me be with him soon and to please grant me just a little peace. I don't think He hears me. I'm still going to grief support,counseling,church,and I'm still empty. I am beginning to realize that this is how things are going to remain. It is not a pleasant outlook. Time does not heal all wounds.

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 28, 2018 at 9:15pm

Deb......even after 2 years, I still can't believe Ken is gone.   I don't think he's going to be coming through the door or calling,  I just can't believe he's not here.  I don't think I will ever get used to the idea. 

Comment by Marsha H on March 28, 2018 at 3:31am

Hi Deborah ...  Yes, for the first year I would think that Ernie would be coming up the driveway from work at 4:30 PM and of course he never did.  It was my mind hoping and wishing he would.  I still have his work jacket and ball cap hanging in the hallway where he use to hang it.  Into the second year I would kid myself that he was away fishing like he use to be every so often, but deep down I knew it wasn't true.  It's very normal Deborah to have those feelings.  We can't spend so many years with our spouse and have all those routines we were use to and suddenly shut it off as if it never happened.  When it is time for you and all of a sudden one day you will get use to the new routine and that means reality has set in.  For now my friend, just enjoy that few seconds of feeling he is coming home.  I did.


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