Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 6, 2018 at 3:47am

Patricia ...  I see you have posted at the right place thanks to Sara and Mary Jane's directions.  If you want to post 'private' then you need to ask that person to be your friend and you accept.  It will come in your email on your computer or if there is anyone you particularly want to talk to just hit their name above their post and it will take you to private post.

Comment by Marsha H on May 6, 2018 at 3:40am

Dear Patricia ...

Your post brought me to tears and I do understand what you are going through.  My husband was ill with pancreatic cancer, but the doctors felt the surgery would cure him so we both were upbeat thinking he would make and death never entered the picture.  Suddenly he just got worse and I watched my beloved dwindle away and he always kept a brave face.  Finally, he was so soul weary and passed away in 2011.  Although I have become stronger through the years I can still tear up and I miss him so much.  I have to hang on that he is at peace, out of pain and one day when my time is up he will be there waiting for me.  I honestly believe that your husband is around you right now just when you need him the most.  

After Ernie passed away I lost about 40 lbs.  I just couldn't function. I did see my doctor which I suggest that you do the same and he verified it was a grief; some people gain weight and some people lose weight.  Some people sleep a lot, others can't sleep, fear can set in for an unknown future, anxiety attacks, tummy pains, aches/pains eating to much or to little.  Not everyone gets these symptoms. You are in shock and in raw grief so hon, please know this is very normal what you are going through and all of us here are with you and we will make you stronger!!!  You are NOT ALONE, your beloved is right there with you and we're here for you.  Please see your doctor and let him/her know that you are experiencing anxiety and exactly how you feel.  Short-term medication can get you over the bumps if you feel the need for them. 

I promise you that you won't be lost forever and although you will miss your believed while on this earth, there is a future for you and you will smile and laugh once again.  No, it won't be exactly the same, but life does get better.  You just getting out of bed each day whether you do anything or not is an indication you are getting stronger even if you don't think so.

I hope you also decide to go to grief counseling which you can join as a group at a Hospice or, see a private psychiatric doctor that deals with grief.  It does help and so does this wonderful forum Legacy.  Mary Jane is so right that you should keep coming here on the forum and just tell us what is in your heart as we don't judge and we'll help you get through it.

Big hug (because you need it.)


Comment by Patricia Huett on May 6, 2018 at 12:10am

I'm having such a hard time.  I'm so lost and don't know where to turn. I am so sick and can't eat or sleep. I met this man when I was only 25 and I'm 58 now. He was my rock and I don't know how to act without him. He was in a serious truck accident a year ago and was on life support for a very long time and various hospitals.  It was his dowfall, he just kept getting worse.  It has only been about 3 weeks since I lost him. I did not expect it at all. I had no idea he was that bad.  I had been taking him to doctors and he was always so upbeat. This all came as a big shock to me, I knew he wasn't well, but not to the extent of death!! I wanted to die with him that night. I held him and loved him as he took his last breath, I feel to the floor with grief.  I know he is out of pain, but when I would look at his face...something in me died that night and I know it will take time, but I'M LOST

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 5, 2018 at 9:57pm

Patricia....It's best to come here, to the bereaved spouses comments wall.   We're all in different time zones so there's usually someone checking in at various times during the day.  It took me a little time to get comfortable navigating as well.  Keep in mind, your brain is mush so early on in the grieving process.   It's so hard to focus on anything so doing something new can be overwhelming.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 9:55pm

Patricia..once u get the hang of posting will be fine. I had a very hard time when I first got here..cuz I was reading other pages, and wanted to comment to the post ON THE PAGE IT WAS WRITTEN ON....but you can!t do that. I dunno why, but this site is set up so we all post on page 1 even if you want to post a reply to something you read on page 3...your reply has to go “in a row” so to just go to page one, write what u want, then hit comment.  If your comment has even one tiny swear word you won,t be able to post it until you find that word and change it. Even the word dam with an n on it won,t post.

so if you are posting a response to something you read on a different page, just refer to it when you post on page one.  I wish u luck. You can also do private posts but I am not good at that, so I just post in the box and hit comment. Good luck!

Comment by Patricia Huett on May 5, 2018 at 7:23pm
Mary Jane,

It seems hard to navigate this site, you are not sure if you go to comments or discussions. I know I want to post here, just not sure where to go, I'm having a real hard time right now.
Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 5:32pm

Hmmmm, I just tried posting something, and it wouldn,t post. Maybe I have crossed a line here? If so, I am sorry. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 5:30pm

Test post

Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2018 at 3:24pm

Mary Jane ...  You tried your best, but it appears so many are hooked on Facebook even though their privacy isn't so private.  I, myself had left a link that Facebook is in trouble with the law and one was a privacy issue, but that being said, no one seems to care and come to a more safe place.  As disagreed in the first place going to Facebook, but no one seems to listen.  Voice in the wind.

I thank you for trying my friend and perhaps out of the blue some may just get it and come here.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 5, 2018 at 10:59am

I have spent a bit of time on the Facebook pages...posting a bit..and begging people to come here and look around..but I guess no one has. Maybe they just don,t want to get into such depth of emotion as we have here, or else they are just more comfortable with something they me, there are SO MANY people in new and raw grief there, it is almost overwhelming for me. So much sadness...grief, guilt, and all the other emotions that come with the loss of our loved is almost too a multitude of  GRIEF on STEROIDS. Now I wish I hadn’t gone there first thing in the morning, as it has set the tone of my whole day.

This is a much kinder, gentler place..thanks to everyone here...but in a lot of the posts I read there, I got the feeling that some of the people wanted to say so much more... but didn’t or couldn’t. 

Oh well..I tried. Have a good day, kids.


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