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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 3, 2018 at 4:04pm

Mary Jane ...  Very sorry I haven't responded to your post before now, but my server was out as was my cable.

I so happy that tornado didn't touch down and I'd be freaking out.  Thankfully where I live we don't have them, but we can have very high winds that scare me half to death because I have huge cedar trees behind my house.  If one high branch cuts loose it's like a mid-sized tree falling.

I know what you mean about your grief support at the church.  I managed to stick it out a year, but like you there were other people there who had had loved ones pass other than their spouses.  I know grief is grief, but I think it should be separated instead of being in one big group.  That to me is a red flag they don't understand the different ways people grieve.  There is also a Hospice Grief Group, but my suggestion to you would be to go 4 - 5 time to a grief psychologist on a one-to-one basis.  I hope your medical covers it and if not I know that I only needed 5 sessions enough to get my balance dealing with grief.  

Glad you are still with us after that tornado and didn't pull of a 'Wizard of Oz.'  I hear you about your cat and not going to the shelter without him and I'd be the same way with my dogs.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 3, 2018 at 10:48am

Hi Sara! I know exactly what you mean about the people and the facilitators..they mean well, but they did sound rehearsed and they have a workbook agenda which they refer to and it is all very nice..but I am way past the parts they discussed. It was kind of funny...cuz the entire  time I wanted to jump up and take control over the room, and ask each person what is the thing that is bothering you the most at this stage of your grief..( I am NOT a SHY person, lol) 

It is 13 weeks long, and I will give it one more week, out of courtesy for my friend who went with me and encouraged me to try it..which is an amazingly kind thing to do. 

Yes, the tornados DIDN,t touch down here..but last year one missed my street by 1/2 a mile. I HATE this time of year..my biggest fear is being able to catch my beloved kitty b4 one hits, and we can’t make it into the shelter,cuz I won,t get into it without him.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 3, 2018 at 9:08am

Mary Jane....I hope nothing came of the tornado warning.

I did the same grief share group at the Baptist church about 2 months after losing Ken.  Like you, I felt it wasn't a good fit.  There weren't a lot of people, maybe about 10, and only 1 of them had lost a spouse.  The group including the organizers couldn't really understand me and I would get frustrated by their clichéd comments.  The only person would did understand was the man who lost his wife.   I could see him nodding his head in agreement and replying to my comments with understanding as I did with him.  I myself didn't make any connections that were helpful.  I hope you have better luck.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 2, 2018 at 11:11pm

I am in the middle of a tornado warning, so I came her to calm down.

tonight, I went to a grief  share meeting at a local Baptist church. It was ok...they said you do not have to be a Christian, but it is very Bible based. There weren’t very many people there..one lady had lost her husband only 9 days ago...it was heartbreaking..she cried the entire time. I am going to give it one more time next week, but I have a feeling it isn’t a good fit for me. There is no division between who has died...spouse, child, parent..which is ok...but each loss was very different with each person. I think it would be better if , like here, there were special groups but the turnout was very small, which is why we were all in one group. I am also not a church person...I could be if i found a church that welcomed everyone, and DIDN,t try to control people...so I just worship at home from my heart. 

the tornado warning is waning...so I think I will try to get some sleep. Welcome to Spring in Oklahoma! 

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 2, 2018 at 9:50pm

Trina....great job with the artwork.  What a great way to relive your life with Joseph in such a positive, healing way.  Thank you for sharing them with us. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 2, 2018 at 9:46pm

Deb.....I hope you were able to remember the happiest of times with Greg on this 1 yr anniversary/1st birthday in heaven.  Planting the mimosa tree was such a good idea and a nice tribute to Greg.  I'm sure he's smiling about it.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 2, 2018 at 7:46pm

Deb...all of our hearts will b with you..remember that when the minutes go by...that with each heartbeat you feel, and the pain of you memories, we are here.

Trina? You have never painted before? Seriously? BOb was an artist, and we have a library of every book on every artist so I am kinda familiar with art styles etc...and your paintings did something to me that doesn,t happen too often..they made my heart happy.

There is another person on this board who’s paintings make you wonder why they aren,t hanging in a museum...but until that person wants to share..I will be discrete...

actually my favorite of yours was the birch trees..something about it lifted my spirits and kinda lifted my day.

one of these days I will post one of Bobs paintings...before now, they only made me sad..but now I think people might want to see a few. (But, baby steps..)

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 6:06pm

Dear Steve, Marsha, Charles, and Chicago Beard,

Thank you so very much for these words of encouragement; it really means a lot to me! Especially coming from an artist--Chuck. Legacy is such a wonderful site, everybody is so good about helping other get through our grief with advice, suggestions, and encouragement.

My painting hobby helps me as a form of therapy, it's soothing and I also get to "relive" my Alaska experience with Joseph.

Sending you all much love and here's wishing everyone of you here a good day today!

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Chicago Beard on May 2, 2018 at 1:21pm

Trina

Finally got around to looking at your paintings. The colors are very vibrant and jump out at you. I like them a lot.

Good job!

Comment by Steve on May 2, 2018 at 8:02am

Trina,

Your artwork is bright, colorful and full of life.  I love all forms of artwork, art can evoke a multitude of emotions and memories.  Much as the life we live, when someone creates artwork they are sharing their deepest and most personal selves to the rest of the world.  All we have to do as bystanders is to look at it, let it wash over us and enjoy the message.  Thank you Trina for sharing...

 

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