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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 12:20am

Dear Charles,

Yes, me too, I laughed at your funny story with your cousin who brought a bagful of raw vegetables as her contribution to the big, family gathering. It makes you wonder why people are so clueless! It's always good to hear from you!

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 12:17am

Dear Deborah Peck,

I'll be holding you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow as you face your beloved Greg's first birthday in heaven tomorrow. Sending you healing thoughts. Planting the mimosa tree is a great way to celebrate Greg. Hope it brings you comfort for many years to come.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by deborah peck on May 1, 2018 at 7:53pm

tomorrow will be my Gregs 1st birthday in Heaven, its going to be hard but this is a mimosa tree I planted for him, its his favorite tree

Comment by Marsha H on May 1, 2018 at 7:16pm

Virginia ...  Thank you so much for that lovely post.  What you say is true and it's all our wish that we do find peace, joy and a future.

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 1, 2018 at 7:12pm

Dear Chuck ...  Yes, Trina swoops down like the angel she is when I'm in need and her post was lovely, but each post I receive from any of you lightens my heart.  Volunteers as you know don't get paid and we do it because we want to reach out with empathy and a kind heart to make a difference; there are not to many people willing to give up 3 - 4 hours of their time so volunteers are precious.

I have backed off of entertaining so much as it can be costly and as some have said on here once some people get use to you having them over they don't really appreciate it.  I put it down to laziness!  You made me laugh so hard with what you did to the people who just brought bags of food not even cut-up on a platter and you are of the same mind-set I am.  LOL  I don't hesitate to get them to peel, slice or whatever.  For years if Ernie and I were invited out and I was asked to bring something I would always ask how many guests were coming and I'd make the whole whack (enough for all.)  That's good manners!

I always look for your posts my dear friend and waiting for the next one!  We ARE family and I've never forgotten that.  It's comforting and many wished all of us could meet, but, that's not possible, but one thing I can say is I feel much closer to all of you than I do anyone around me here.  

You take good care of yourself and say hello to Steve for me.  

Much love

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 1, 2018 at 6:49pm

Dear Sara ...  Thank you so much for the support and I sure do appreciate it.  You made me laugh 'give her a kick in the pants from all of us.'  LOL  I may just do that.  She did send an email and was afraid of losing me and wanted me to come back and said she more or less fixed what was going on.  As I told Deb P., I want a meeting with all volunteers and the owner with a set of rules so there is no more animosity between volunteers.  I go for the dogs, I'm also very easy to get along with and I'm in touch by email by several of the owners who adopted dogs and one or two have come back for a second dog.  My target is the dogs as the poor little souls are snatched just in time from being euthanized.  Healthy dogs and some pregnant and it makes me sick these poor wee souls are tossed aside like so much garbage.  The owner does love dogs, but tries to save all of them which just isn't possible and she's wearing down so all the more reason to get things organized when adopting her dogs out.  I think it may work. 

I am also being supportive of my best an dear female friend who has lung and brain cancer and it's difficult as it makes me feel I have gone back to that place when my beloved Ernie was ill, but I'm staunch when it comes to being loyal to friends and you don't walk away when things get tough for yourself.  I pray every night all of us will have peace and joy in our lives and smile once again and 'dance!'  I left that link on here that I had sent to Chuck.  It's a wonderful song and fits all of us.  When we feel like giving up, we dance!  When we do this we get stronger. 

Thank you again my dear friend for putting your own grief aside to make me smile by your post and I sure do appreciate it.

Love

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on May 1, 2018 at 6:27pm

Deborah P ...  Thank you so much for caring.  I wasn't going to go back in, but the owner of the shelter emailed me and must have realized what was happening which wasn't right and begged me to come back so I figured it was worth another try.  Glad I did as we are slowly getting things accomplished and I'm trying to get a meeting together so all volunteers can give their opinions on how to make things better and have a set of rules, so one volunteer isn't against another.  I did tell the owner if it didn't improve I was leaving, but my heart breaks if I have to because each dog that comes in I just want them to have a good family.  I want to be honest in saying the owner of the dog shelter loves dogs and the problem is trying to save everyone of them from euthanasia before she gets them and the truth is, you can save some, but not all.  She works very hard and I feel she's burning herself out and all the more reason to let us volunteers help you and take a bit of the load away.  We'll see what happens.  There are no dog shelters that are close enough for me and I have 2 old dogs where I have to come home at a decent time so time is of the essence.  

I can understand how much more comfortable you feel entertaining in your own home and that's how I started out.  I do have my very small immediate family over for BBQ's, special occasions, etc.  The problem with my friends at my age is generally it's the husbands that are ill or, grumpy.  LOL  I don't like waiting on more than 4 - 8 people at one time.  Odd, but all the celebrations I've had at my home other than my immediate family I have not been asked to other's home.  I figure it's the women of the household that treat us like a leper and perhaps it's the lack of confidence in their marriage.  It's ridiculous and although our spouses are gone we haven't changed all that much.  You bet they will be going through what we have been going through and no doubt they will feel their pain is far worse than any of ours.

Deb, you made me laugh with 'kattie' and I hear you.  It's sure tempting.  You watch, if I do meet someone my phone will be ringing off the hook and not so much to invite myself to their place, but they are snoopy on a need to know basis.  As I said I'm not much into online dating, but considering it as I've been so many places and some men do seem to be interested in me, but either they are married or shy.  I will always love Ernie and hope we are together one day, but I'm here on this God-forsaken earth and I would like to meet someone (just a nice typical man that isn't just wanting to hike, kayak or whatever.)  I'm not into that, but do like fishing, gardening, nature walks on the dyke, the odd theater, eating out or simply sitting together and talking about whatever interests each other.  I am beginning to think this is never going to happen.  Do I have spinach in my teeth?  LOL  Maybe TP hanging out the back of my jeans!  LOL  

Thank you my dear friend for caring and you have made me feel more normal than I have been feeling.  I always am in awe when a member comes on here through their own pain and supports each one of us who post.  

Love

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 1, 2018 at 7:38am

Dear Marsha,

What a glorious way to start my day - thank you so much for taking me back to the first time you sent this song to me - indeed my sweet sister, I did, and continue to dance. I hope the insightful lyrics mean as much to everyone here in our family - what a beautiful inspiring and loving message. Who else but you would use this song?!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on May 1, 2018 at 6:26am

To my dear friends ...  I will answer your posts tomorrow, but, I wanted to leave this beautiful song that I did send my dearest brother Chuck and I don't think he'll mind if I share it with you.  Please listen to the words.  I try to live my life this way and I hope you all 'dance!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM_UJbTMY0M

Love & Hugs

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 30, 2018 at 10:27pm

Dear Charles,

Hello! I sent you a friend request. Will write more to you soon. Hope you and Steve have been doing well.

Your friend,

Trina

 

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