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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 6:06pm

Dear Steve, Marsha, Charles, and Chicago Beard,

Thank you so very much for these words of encouragement; it really means a lot to me! Especially coming from an artist--Chuck. Legacy is such a wonderful site, everybody is so good about helping other get through our grief with advice, suggestions, and encouragement.

My painting hobby helps me as a form of therapy, it's soothing and I also get to "relive" my Alaska experience with Joseph.

Sending you all much love and here's wishing everyone of you here a good day today!

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Chicago Beard on May 2, 2018 at 1:21pm

Trina

Finally got around to looking at your paintings. The colors are very vibrant and jump out at you. I like them a lot.

Good job!

Comment by Steve on May 2, 2018 at 8:02am

Trina,

Your artwork is bright, colorful and full of life.  I love all forms of artwork, art can evoke a multitude of emotions and memories.  Much as the life we live, when someone creates artwork they are sharing their deepest and most personal selves to the rest of the world.  All we have to do as bystanders is to look at it, let it wash over us and enjoy the message.  Thank you Trina for sharing...

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 2, 2018 at 7:56am

Dear Marsha,

I am glad you got the humor in the situation with my cousin arriving with groceries instead of prepared food for the reunion. I guess I should have been happy she didn't show up with a gift certificate for Walmart!

On a serious note, I want to say how deeply sorry I am for the sad situation you are in with your dear friend. Watching anyone in our lives go through such health issues while knowing the eventual outcome  is extremely hard for everybody. Add to that our shared experiences with losing our spouses, many to such illnesses, and our desires to still be strong and supportive of our friend or family member, and we can find ourselves stretched nearly to the breaking point and emotionally and physically exhausted. You will be there for your friend through her trials as many couldn't be, because that's just who you are. I worry about the stress it will place on you, and the toll it will take as things progress - but you are neither a coward nor a light-weight. You have demonstrated here in this family and in the world that you are a strong, determined, and vital force to be reckoned with - even through your own grief and troubles. I'm sending as much strength and positive energy as I can muster your way.

I had an intense encounter Sunday I wish to share. At church, I was describing to a new friend who is a nurse how I was coping after losing Larry and being released from the hospital and rehabilitation only to find myself home alone and my life completely imploded. I told how one friend Peg took charge of everything from finances to transporting me to appointments and even getting me on disability and Social Security to survive without losing my house.

He looked at me closely, sensing there was more to this, and asked quietly when I last spoke to her. I hesitated, then admitted I couldn't remember - she had disappeared from my life abruptly just after helping me get Larry's  car inspected and transferred into my name so I could drive myself where I needed to be.

There must have been bitterness in my voice, because he asked how that made me feel (my own private therapist), and I had to think a bit before replying. Then, instead of letting loose with the same controlled rant I had been repeating for two years now to friends about this, I suddenly said something that surprised me. "I guess she actually saved my life, and once she got me on my own two feet needed to get back to her own life, which was very busy and demanding indeed. I have to remind myself that it must have been quite painful for her to see me like that after Larry's passing - she did lose him too after all."

He just said simply, "Why don't you call her, or text her, and tell her just that?" I wasn't expecting to be confronting this issue that day, but the honesty and simplicity of his challenge went with the message from the Pastor that day so elegantly, that I did just that...I sent a brief text thanking her for my life.

I may not hear back, or may get a scathing response - but either way I feel better for confronting something I had been avoiding and inwardly fretting over for far too long.

So, anyway, I just wanted to tell you that, and also that I am so gratified that anything I may say is of some help to you. We all walk our paths reaching for steadying handholds along the way when it becomes twisted and our footing unsure. You have been one of my handholds for several years now - I pray that I may be that for you as you go through this challenging and sad time with your friend.

God Bless You -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 2, 2018 at 7:15am

Dear Trina,

Thank you for sharing your artwork with us. Your paintings make me want to see the Alaskan landscape for real, and I first started my career in art painting and drawing landscapes in school. Mostly country and farm scenes - always with barns, because that's what i saw every summer visiting a family farmstead in Hancock, Mass. I may be biased (may be?), but I see art as one of the purest forms of story telling and communication, especially because it transcends any language or cultural barriers. Please keep painting, and sharing your works with us - they are a wonderful gift!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 2, 2018 at 7:08am

Dear Deborah P,

My prayers are with you today - I believe this is the first time I have heard of a birthday in heaven. What a lovely and comforting way to express our loved one's passing date. The mimosa tree will be a beautiful living memorial and provide a natural focus for your feelings and enduring love for Greg. Wishing you peace today our friend, and God Bless You

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on May 2, 2018 at 3:55am

Dear Trina ...  I thought your paintings were absolutely beautiful and very different.  I have seen similar artists over on our Islands from Vancouver, B.C., and I am telling you the truth when I say that your paintings are just as good and I'd take a chance on selling them.  Don't put yourself down!  I think the paintings would sell.  Don't forget to always sign your paintings!  I have my paintings and other art work packed away at the present time, but going through things now to make room to bring it all in from the garage among other things and I'll be sure to leave a picture of here for you.

It's to bad the 4 of us didn't meet as I'm sure we would have really gotten along well.  Ernie was very tall, intelligent, but a gentle giant and I was always so proud of him.  He loved to laugh like I do and also had a good sense of humor although I will admit we each had our own sense of humor.  LOL  As you say it's just basic good manners to bring something to someone's house even if it's a bottle of wine or a dessert one could make.  It' simply the gesture.

It is my pleasure to be here for you and anyone else who needs me, but I'm not perfect so every so often I come on here to get some excellent advice from all my angels.

I hope today is a good one for you Trina.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on May 2, 2018 at 3:48am

Dear Deborah P ...  I will be praying and thinking of you today and wishing you only good memories.  What a wonderful idea to plant that Mimosa tree.  I know Greg will be there with you smiling away.

Hugs

Marsha  

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 12:31am

Dear Marsha,

You are giving me too much credit calling me an artist! I am just an amateur and a beginner. I missed Alaska and Joseph and my life together there that I wanted to paint Alaska landscapes as a way to comfort myself. Here are a couple of my Alaska landscapes. Maybe you, too, will share your paintings with us?

You are always very kind and considerate. When Joseph was alive, we always hosted several parties every year for our friends and we would go all out to make our parties a success and to make our guests feel welcomed. I would do the and Joseph would do the grilling and mix cocktails. Such happy memories. And like you, when we got invited, we always asked what to bring and for how many. Just basic good manners, as you say. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that.  

Thank you for always being there for me and the rest of us!

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 2, 2018 at 12:29am

 

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