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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1365
Latest Conversations: 51 minutes ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by deborah peck on May 10, 2018 at 3:30pm

Mary Jane thank you so much, we leave in the morning and I will truly remember you guys while I am there and will check in when I'm back, love to you all

Comment by Patricia Huett on May 10, 2018 at 1:10pm

I just wanted to get on here and express my gratitude to you all.  I honestly believe I have found a safe and loving site to help me deal with the loss of Basil.  You guys are so loving and compassionate toward me and you listen.  I have a few people that don't want to listen and that hurts me because that is the only way I can deal with situations to talk about them.  You allow me to express anything I want that is hurting me at the moment and you know where I am because you have been there. Marsha, Charles, and Mary Jane you all are my heroes right now.  You have taken the time to listen to me ramble on about my hurt and you don't realize how much I appreciate that gesture. If I forget to mention someone I am very sorry, it's just seems like you 3 are always there for me and I thank you.

Today is a little better then it has been, just a little, but I will take that little.  You all feel like family to me.  I'm going to get off here before I start crying.   Thank you for listening to me again guys, much love  Patty 

Comment by Marsha H on May 10, 2018 at 5:25am

My Dear Chuck ...  I also remember when you first joined Legacy and I knew how you must have felt posting, but also knew the members and myself would envelope you with love and understanding.  Never forget what the Bible says, 'WE ARE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN!'  ALL!!!!  I am proud to know you and now Steve and love the stories you tell us and as you know I keep harping at you to write a book!  So my dear friend 'dance' it's the language of the world!

Much love & big hugs brother

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 9, 2018 at 10:44pm

Ok kids..question time. While I was changing the sheets tonite, I wondered if I slept on Bobs pillow would I dream about him? Yeah, sounds crazy...so,has anyone here ever slept on their partners pillow since they’ve been gone? I have never even slept on his side of the bed,even tho I got a new mattress. 

His pillow still has a trace of his scent...I think I will try it tonite. MYbe I will have a wonderful dream of him.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 9, 2018 at 11:45am

Oh, thank you so much, Diane...your words actually made me cry. But it’s true...we are here for each other like nothing I could ever have imagined. Something brought all of us together...and I cherish every one here. 

Comment by Diane C on May 9, 2018 at 11:33am

Oh Mary Jane....

That was the most beautiful thing you said to Debbie!! You brought tears to my eyes, thinking how we all help to hold each other up when we need it most. Absolutely beautiful words for all of us to read and adhere to. God Bless You!!

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 9, 2018 at 11:07am

Dear Deb...we all will be with you in spirit for these hard days...we will be thinking only wonderful things as you pass this milestone..you might actually feel me, Chuck, Marsha, Sara, Steve, Beard...and everyone else, as we protect u from pain, wipe tears from your cheeks, and tuck you in at night. If you go for a walk with your sister..and you hear faint footsteps...it will be us..protecting you from heartbreak, and letting in only laughter and good memories. You will get through this...I think sometimes the FEAR of something turns out to b much worse than the experience. God bless you.

Comment by deborah peck on May 9, 2018 at 9:55am

Hi everyone, I have been reading everyones post but haven't responded, I am in a bad place right now but you all have been on my mined and I will try to be more helpful next week after the year passes, but love to you all Debbie

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 9, 2018 at 7:46am

Dear Mary Jane,

How are you? I am so sorry to read of the young girl in your family who you all lost. Some of the saddest and most crushing losses are of young people - just the thought of all they had before them brings tears.

Close friends of Larry and myself lost a 21 year old son in a tragic motorcycle accident. Seeing them completely ripped apart by this first hand was difficult to say the least. We spent the Memorial Day weekend shuttling back and forth to their house with whatever we could imagine they might need as droves of family, friends, and neighbors descended upon their home. the last thing they needed was more food - everyone showed up with platters and casseroles - but one helpful neighbor mentioned that they didn't have paper plates, napkins, or plastic utensils anywhere, so people are using china that requires washing constantly. I dashed home and found the huge supply of such disposable dinnerware left over from many gatherings - nothing matched, but it was there, free, and plentiful. Before running out of the house I grabbed two rolls of paper towels and a big package of toilet paper, dropping it on top of the bag.

When I walked into their house, several helpers were in the kitchen saying thank goodness, they were out of plates, then stopped in mid sentence as they saw the big package of toilet paper sticking out of the bag. One finally broke the silence by saying "Chuck, when we asked for paper products, we didn't mean THAT kind!" then everyone burst out laughing so loud that the boy's mother poked her head into the room, saw the bag, looked at me and said - "That's what you bring? Toilet paper? only you would bring toilet paper at a time like this!" then hugged me and walked out. I will never forget that weekend for the rest of my life. The funeral home and church couldn't have the service until after the 3 day  holiday weekend, so everybody was in limbo.

Reading about the small snakes in your garage gave me the willies - I haven't seen any around the new place here in TX (yet),but am warned to expect that one may appear in the yard at some point. Yay.

Anyway, I hope you have a good day today, and that your EBS doesn't flare up on you. I also now watch the weather in your area saying prayers that you stay safe.

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 9, 2018 at 6:52am

Dear Patricia,

All I can say is that I agree with Marsha and assure you that you haven't offended any of us. I, at this point in my own journey, have noticed some things about myself that have evolved quietly in the background while I was struggling to rejoin the living world and find some shred of meaning and hope for the future.

It seems I have let go of so many meaningless and yet burdensome petty grievances I lugged around with me in my heart before I lost Larry. Nobody close to me ever had to wonder about my opinions concerning bigots, racists, politicians, religious hypocrites, etc. Looking back, I must have been very tiresome with my "witty" insults and slurs hurled unthinkingly around people, some of whom were quite offended I'm sure.

Sadly, one of those was Larry's sister. She is Catholic, and I took perverse pleasure when with her in dredging up any of the public struggles the church was dealing with. I used the child abuse issues being investigated as a weapon to attack the attitude and teaching of the church regarding homosexuality. Larry would privately ask me to not do this, but fueled with a few (few?) glasses of wine and my inflated sense of moral superiority, I would stealthily turn any conversation back to the way her brother and myself were maligned and misunderstood by her precious church.What a sad memory that is for me now - what possessed me, besides drink, to do that when all Larry wanted was a pleasant visit with his sister?

When you mention that your time is coming - the time when your beloved Basil passed, I again think of how so many of us know the exact time and circumstances of our loss of our spouses, and remember how for myself, 7:00 PM was a time of day I dreaded for many many months. If I happen to be someplace around people even today, and notice that time on my watch of a clock across the room, I lose the thread of the conversation as my mind instantly transports me back to that moment. It is less dramatic for me 3 years out, but will never go away. Nor would I want it to - I grasp and hold tightly all things that keep my cherished memories of Larry fresh and vivid in my mind and heart. One thing I do fear is ever forgetting some of the simple small moments we shared, so I talk about them at every opportunity.

Patricia, every person who shares with us their feelings and story adds to the collective loving environment here their own measure of loving compassion, just as you are already doing with your posts. Thank you for that, and my prayers for a peaceful day ahead -

God Bless You!

Love, Chuck

 

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