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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1359
Latest Conversations: 16 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Richard Gordon Jun 1. 4 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 7:04am

Dear Patty, how kind you are, and your words describe perfectly how I myself felt when I realized that I had been led to a family of caring individuals - all different from each other in a hundred ways - who embraced me in my anguish, let me cry on their shoulders as much as I needed to, and always came beck with a gentle word of support and guidance.

Oh would that the entire world could show each other such generosity and acceptance - how wonderful would that be?

Wishing you a peaceful day today, and in the coming weekend. Going through holidays and special occasions for the first time without your dear Basil will be hard on you I know. We are all with you, holding your hand and steadying you when you feel uncertain - believe that please.

Much love,

Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 6:57am

Dear Marsha,

I am still chuckling at the way you describe your savage attack on that spider - "hammered that sucker into the middle of next week" indeed! Wherever you got your wonderful knack for turning a phrase and your delightful sense of humor, don't ever lose it or stop sharing it with us all here.

Even in the depths of our mourning - or perhaps especially then - we need the occasional levity to release our stress and tension. Bless you for always bringing me a smile and a laugh , often when I need it the most.

I send back big hugs to my sweet sister from the North! I will soon be envying you your climate as the dreaded Texas summer hear assaults me and Steve!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on May 11, 2018 at 5:35am

Mary Jane ...  You make me blush!  LOL  You are also a catalyst and offer such wisdom in your posts and often make me smile at your sense of humor or just explaining something makes me want to laugh and I do.  Thank you for being here! 

Oh, by the way, the other night I was getting into bed when I spotted a big, black spider on my blanket.  Ewww!  I freaked, but I sure hammered that sucker into the middle of next week!

Hope you are out of pain, at peace and have a wonderful weekend my friend.

Hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on May 11, 2018 at 5:31am

Dear Patty ...  What an honor you've given us and we appreciate it and be assured YOU ARE FAMILY to us!!!  We do understand and we're here for as long as you need us.  It is such a relief we can open up and really say what is in our hearts without judgement or a blank stare coming back at us.  Oh, how I know those blank stares!  When people ask how we are doing they really don't want to know so I just smile a little and say 'OK.'  It's only here and a few good friends where we email each other back and forth that fully understand.  

I am so happy you have had a bit of reprieve and not feeling quite so sad.  I promise you my dear friend things will get better as time goes along although you may not think so now.  

As far as what to say to anyone who has had a loved one pass away, 'I'm so sorry' and if you know then well enough just listen and give them a big hug.  Human touch is often very comforting.  Listening is the best.  Grief obviously is a necessity and only God knows why although I will admit sometimes I get just down right angry and then my hissy fit is over.  We will never fully understand why good people have to depart from our lives, but one thing to keep in mind; we will see each other once again.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 10, 2018 at 6:15pm

Part 2 for Patricia..(I hit the wrong button lol) 

people we know in person don,t want to listen to us, because they don,t know what to say to us..so they avoid us. They reply with “pat” responses, and hope we will never mention it again. Before BOb died, I was one of those people...afraid I would set off an emotional reaction, should I pat their shoulder, or hug them,or what? So avoiding the subject seems the easiest thing to do. For that I am sorry, but I honestly had no idea.

i still don,t know if I will know the right words to say to someone in person, should I b in that situation...but I know I will THINK before I speak...

Patricia, I am happy to hear we have helped a bit...what helps ME, is keeping a journal...I have filled up one, and just started a new one. I only write when I feel like it...and it really helps. I rarely go back and read what I have written as sometimes it is about something I don,t want to remember at the time..but it also lets me see how I have changed in the 2 years since Bob died...not better, not worse, but changed. Also there is something comforting about getting all your pain out..very cathartic.  Ok my kitty wants his dinner, so bye for now...again, thank u for you sweet words.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 10, 2018 at 6:02pm

Patricia..what a lovely thing to say. Thank you. When I first got here, my rock was Chuck...there was something in his writing that touched me, so I reached out to him. He is one of the most awesome guys I have ever not met. Lol. I am so happy he and Steve met..it’s like a romantic story.

And, then there’s Marsha...she always knows the perfect thing to say...she is like the glue that holds us all together. Someday,I would love to meet everyone here...Deb,Sara, Beard.and all the other wonderful people here..I don,t think you have met Beard yet, and all the other wonderful people who are here. I imagine winning the lottery, and paying for all of us to fly and stay at a central location......that would b so cool!

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 10, 2018 at 5:53pm

Ok, to Deb.You are most welcome. I am imagining a woodsy area. .What time zone are you in? That will help me with visualizing . Also, I know Greg will be with you. I hope that comment doesn’t hurt you, but I think BOb is always with me. I like to imagine that BOb has met all of the people who are up in heaven with him...and they read what we write here. Yeah, I know I sounds nuts, but why not? Who is to say it ISN’T like that? 

I never thought of that until my friend who’s young daughter died, told me her daughter was probably there to greet BOb when he got to heaven, and she felt he would be watching over her..or vise versa.

Have a wonderful time, and keep your heart open to anything, no matter how irrational it might seem. 

Comment by deborah peck on May 10, 2018 at 3:30pm

Mary Jane thank you so much, we leave in the morning and I will truly remember you guys while I am there and will check in when I'm back, love to you all

Comment by Patricia Huett on May 10, 2018 at 1:10pm

I just wanted to get on here and express my gratitude to you all.  I honestly believe I have found a safe and loving site to help me deal with the loss of Basil.  You guys are so loving and compassionate toward me and you listen.  I have a few people that don't want to listen and that hurts me because that is the only way I can deal with situations to talk about them.  You allow me to express anything I want that is hurting me at the moment and you know where I am because you have been there. Marsha, Charles, and Mary Jane you all are my heroes right now.  You have taken the time to listen to me ramble on about my hurt and you don't realize how much I appreciate that gesture. If I forget to mention someone I am very sorry, it's just seems like you 3 are always there for me and I thank you.

Today is a little better then it has been, just a little, but I will take that little.  You all feel like family to me.  I'm going to get off here before I start crying.   Thank you for listening to me again guys, much love  Patty 

Comment by Marsha H on May 10, 2018 at 5:25am

My Dear Chuck ...  I also remember when you first joined Legacy and I knew how you must have felt posting, but also knew the members and myself would envelope you with love and understanding.  Never forget what the Bible says, 'WE ARE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN!'  ALL!!!!  I am proud to know you and now Steve and love the stories you tell us and as you know I keep harping at you to write a book!  So my dear friend 'dance' it's the language of the world!

Much love & big hugs brother

Marsha

 

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