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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Bad and even worse days

Started by Patricia Huett. Last reply by Patricia Huett Apr 28. 3 Replies

Bad day

Started by David Heggi. Last reply by David Heggi Apr 10. 4 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 12, 2018 at 8:37pm

Ok, first off..Steve..that was lovely...next I wonder how Deb is doing...last night around 6 pm Central time zone, I was vacuuming and suddenly she popped into my brain! I dunno why...so I said a silent prayer that she was ok...but it was kinda strange and out of knowhere...

Now..CHUCK and MARSHA...ENOUGH about the spider. It freaked me out yesterday when I read it, and it is still freaking me out now...oh God! A spider in my BED???  A big one? OMG! And you squished it all over your linens? Hopefully my imagination is worse than it was..but I don,t want to know.

I jump thru a lot of hoops to always be on my guard in case I see one. Upon entering a room, even tho I have just been in there, my eyes scan the room, looking for renegade spiders, or silky threads that might dangle, or a shadow that moves. My bed frame is metal...I read that they don,t like metal, none of my bedclothes touch the floor, even bedskirts...they have to be taller from the floor than a large spider could climb. I never open a large box without wearing gloves, and even my sandals have a one inch sole. I never put on a shoe without banging it on the floor, and my shoes are NEVER left on the floor. I shake garments before putting them on, even if they have only been on the hanger a few hours..(like from the dryer).i shake folded towels from the linen closet before I use them to dry off from the shower...in other words, I am very OCD. Lol. It has been suggested I “see someone” about this, as it is very crippling. I won,t sit on anyone’s outdoor Furniture...well you get the idea. 

If you think about it...what other insect invades your space like spiders? Not many snakes under the bed...maybe ants...but just take away what they r trying to get, and they just go away. 

I have rescued little snakes from Rudy before he could kill them...three alive, one I was too late...I just put on my gloves, pick them up and put them in the garden. The last one was questionable  as it was patterned, so I put it in covered Tupperware, and Googled it to make sure it wasn,t poisonous, then put him outside...but just THINKING about spiders freaks me out. EEEEEKK!

Comment by Marsha H on May 12, 2018 at 4:41am

Dear Chuck ...  Here's a fitting song from me to you!  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vudA72hibg

He seems to have luck with that gal, but so far all I've been able to attract is that spider, ant bites, a few glances my way (must have something in my teeth) so I've decided to go on crowded buses and pinch a few 'you know what's.'  LOL  This gal needs some action other than spiders, snakes, squirrels and coyotes.  Ewwwww!

Comment by Marsha H on May 12, 2018 at 4:34am

Dear Chuck ...  I guess that spider issue was pretty funny.  I detest spiders!  Mice don't bother me.  I must be some twisted sort of woman.  LOL  

You often make me laugh as well, but also your writing can bring me joy or reduce me to tears which is a fine quality you have about you dear brother.  

We are having beautiful weather here and not too hot so have been gardening my little fingers to the bone.  I love to going to flower nurseries and went Friday night to mooch around and see what I could bring home with me and I ended up with gorgeous New Zealand Impatiens.  6 are so white they actually glow at night and the other is somewhat white with a deep pink/red around the rim and so beautiful.  Something about getting your hands in the dirt and seeing plants grow to sooth the savage beast!

Love to you both and have a great weekend, 

Comment by Steve on May 11, 2018 at 7:58am

To my Legacy family,

As I read your posts, I am constantly reminded and amazed at the courage and determination by each and everyone to overcome grief.  We move as one and we think of each other as we try to "lighten" someone else's journey.  Never in my life time could I have imagined that total strangers could express so much love and caring.

Thank you one and all, I leave with you this note I found online:

Death leaves heartache no one can heal...

Love leaves a memory no one can steel...

Blessings to you all my brothers and sisters

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 7:08am

Dear Deb,

My thoughts and prayers go with you as you revisit a lovely place that will stir memories and deep feelings in your heart. Nature has always been for me a refuge, a retreat. and a place of healing when my soul was torn. May it be so for you now, and God Bless You!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 7:04am

Dear Patty, how kind you are, and your words describe perfectly how I myself felt when I realized that I had been led to a family of caring individuals - all different from each other in a hundred ways - who embraced me in my anguish, let me cry on their shoulders as much as I needed to, and always came beck with a gentle word of support and guidance.

Oh would that the entire world could show each other such generosity and acceptance - how wonderful would that be?

Wishing you a peaceful day today, and in the coming weekend. Going through holidays and special occasions for the first time without your dear Basil will be hard on you I know. We are all with you, holding your hand and steadying you when you feel uncertain - believe that please.

Much love,

Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 11, 2018 at 6:57am

Dear Marsha,

I am still chuckling at the way you describe your savage attack on that spider - "hammered that sucker into the middle of next week" indeed! Wherever you got your wonderful knack for turning a phrase and your delightful sense of humor, don't ever lose it or stop sharing it with us all here.

Even in the depths of our mourning - or perhaps especially then - we need the occasional levity to release our stress and tension. Bless you for always bringing me a smile and a laugh , often when I need it the most.

I send back big hugs to my sweet sister from the North! I will soon be envying you your climate as the dreaded Texas summer hear assaults me and Steve!

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on May 11, 2018 at 5:35am

Mary Jane ...  You make me blush!  LOL  You are also a catalyst and offer such wisdom in your posts and often make me smile at your sense of humor or just explaining something makes me want to laugh and I do.  Thank you for being here! 

Oh, by the way, the other night I was getting into bed when I spotted a big, black spider on my blanket.  Ewww!  I freaked, but I sure hammered that sucker into the middle of next week!

Hope you are out of pain, at peace and have a wonderful weekend my friend.

Hugs

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H on May 11, 2018 at 5:31am

Dear Patty ...  What an honor you've given us and we appreciate it and be assured YOU ARE FAMILY to us!!!  We do understand and we're here for as long as you need us.  It is such a relief we can open up and really say what is in our hearts without judgement or a blank stare coming back at us.  Oh, how I know those blank stares!  When people ask how we are doing they really don't want to know so I just smile a little and say 'OK.'  It's only here and a few good friends where we email each other back and forth that fully understand.  

I am so happy you have had a bit of reprieve and not feeling quite so sad.  I promise you my dear friend things will get better as time goes along although you may not think so now.  

As far as what to say to anyone who has had a loved one pass away, 'I'm so sorry' and if you know then well enough just listen and give them a big hug.  Human touch is often very comforting.  Listening is the best.  Grief obviously is a necessity and only God knows why although I will admit sometimes I get just down right angry and then my hissy fit is over.  We will never fully understand why good people have to depart from our lives, but one thing to keep in mind; we will see each other once again.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 10, 2018 at 6:15pm

Part 2 for Patricia..(I hit the wrong button lol) 

people we know in person don,t want to listen to us, because they don,t know what to say to us..so they avoid us. They reply with “pat” responses, and hope we will never mention it again. Before BOb died, I was one of those people...afraid I would set off an emotional reaction, should I pat their shoulder, or hug them,or what? So avoiding the subject seems the easiest thing to do. For that I am sorry, but I honestly had no idea.

i still don,t know if I will know the right words to say to someone in person, should I b in that situation...but I know I will THINK before I speak...

Patricia, I am happy to hear we have helped a bit...what helps ME, is keeping a journal...I have filled up one, and just started a new one. I only write when I feel like it...and it really helps. I rarely go back and read what I have written as sometimes it is about something I don,t want to remember at the time..but it also lets me see how I have changed in the 2 years since Bob died...not better, not worse, but changed. Also there is something comforting about getting all your pain out..very cathartic.  Ok my kitty wants his dinner, so bye for now...again, thank u for you sweet words.

 

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