Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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New Member

Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 27, 2018 at 10:42pm

Hi Patty ...  I know how you feel about dates and although it's been 7 years since Ernie passed away I look at the children in the family the same way you do and wish he could be here to see them.

Each person is different when giving away their spouses clothing.  It took me about 6 months and then I decided other people needed clothing desperately.  However, I still keep a few of Ernie's favorite things that reminded me so much of him and that appeased me.  I would consider giving some of the clothes to your nephew and I'm sure that Basil would approve.  Keep a few things of Basil's that mean a lot to you such as his bathrobe, perhaps a favorite shirt, t-shirt or sweater.  You'll know.  

I am also cleaning out closets and drawers and have given several bags of even my own clothes away.  Like you, I don't like messes and if I haven't used it in 2 years I give it to charity.  I am in the midst of the master bedroom and cleaning that out.

Good Luck!

Comment by deborah peck on May 27, 2018 at 2:07pm

I think everyone is different on cleaning their spouses stuff out, Its entirely up to you on if and when you do it so don't let anybody make you feel that there is a right or wrong time, just when you are ready

Comment by Patricia Huett on May 27, 2018 at 12:22pm

Hello to my new beloved family,

I have not been on the site for a minute, dealing with attorneys and financial matters, not fun!!! I had my granddaughters birthday party yesterday at my house. She just turned 8 and it is so hard to believe.  Basil and myself loaded up the Cadillac and made the trip to Bentonville, AR when she was born and now she is 8, time flies. It was very emotional thinking about that trip and seeing this BIG girl in front of me.

I have a question for you all and welcome your feedback.  At what point do you start to clean out the closet and personal items of your loved one.  I have a very serious case of cleaning  OCD and I've redone all the other rooms with new furniture and just painting and things that give the place a different look.  I just get an urge every time I pass his walk-in closet to start cleaning it out, but I don't want ppl or myself feel like I'm trying to erase his memory, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I have a nephew that needs clothes desperately {he just moved here from FL} and doesn't have anything much.  Basil has brand new shorts and clothes that will fit him.  Should I just give them to him and wait on totally cleaning everything else?  I know me once I get into that cleaning of closet I wont quit.  I do know I will never get rid of all his Greyhound things.  He loved driving that big bus and it he was the most polite driver you would meet, he was requested for charters constantly....that southern gentlemen charm!!!

Thanks for listening guys, I'm so THANKFUL I FOUND YOU ALL



Comment by deborah peck on May 27, 2018 at 11:49am

yesterday we did a high school graduation party for my oldest granddaughter Mackenzie, so proud of her, this a pic of me and her

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 26, 2018 at 7:33pm

Dear Mary Jane,

I am again playing catch-up here, and your posts about selling on eBay and making donations really got to me. Like Deb said, the surfacing of feelings of loss are understandable with what you are doing regarding packing and deciding what to keep or eliminate in advance of your move.

I went through all this leaving our house last year, and know very well how tiring, as well as emotionally draining it all gets. If Steve hadn't moved to NJ to help me I would probably still be sitting there surrounded by half-packed boxes "stuck" reading old letters and cards, or weeping over photos.

I was forced to make some hard choices and try not to look back wondering if they were the right ones. I know we sacrificed much value-wise in the donations and gifts we made - time was pressing and all we wanted was out by the closing date! I hope you and your daughter continue with the tremendous progress you have made. It sounds very organized and well thought out - kudos to you both!

I brought my entire doll collection with me to TX, and am now selling items through a rented showcase in a local antique mall. It is going well, and the small size of the display keeps it manageable for me, both labor-wise and emotionally. I haven't tried selling on eBay, but your success makes me think I may eventually try it. I will follow your example if I do so and start with just 1 or 2 items. Best of luck and congratulations!

Well, I'll stop here for now and hope to post more to everyone over the weekend - it's terribly hot here and I too find myself easily exhausted by even the least activities!

Be well, and sending prayers and hugs -

Love, Chuck

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 26, 2018 at 10:24am

Debbie.....I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself.   I know Greg is happy about that too. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 25, 2018 at 1:37pm

Awesome. I am really happy u had a good time!

Comment by deborah peck on May 25, 2018 at 11:03am

Went to meet up with some former work friends last night for a drink, almost cancelled, is inly the 2nd time in a year that Ive gone out with friends but I really enjoyed myself and cant wait to do it again

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 22, 2018 at 10:11pm

Thank you, Deb. ThT was a very sweet thing to say. 

Comment by deborah peck on May 22, 2018 at 8:13am

Mary Jane, of course you are having feelings of loss, you are starting a new chapter in your life book that doesnt include your husband, new beginnings are hard at any point in our lifes but a total new start is truly difficult . But you are going to do great, I feel it, once you get all this packing done you will feel so much better and you will be taking all those years of good memories with you so you will never truly be without him, prayers coming your way


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