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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by Susan. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 5 Replies

Lost my husband

Started by Mary Clough. Last reply by Marsha H Sep 2. 99 Replies

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Started by denise. Last reply by Jeanette McSherry Aug 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 21, 2018 at 9:46pm

Thanks Marsha. I sold both items..for reasonable prices..I was so anxious! A little thing like this? Omg...why would I be afraid? Then as I started to print the 1st shipping label, the printer wouldn,t work...so it took me 40 mins to print the label last night,.this morning the other person paid and it took me less than 2 seconds. I almost gave up...but I dunno yet. My daughter is coming We’d...to go thru more closets and stuff..it is 90 degrees , it is Spring and spring brings heat and insects. The heat sucks the life out of me. I am SOOOO looking forward. To the weather in the SF Bay Area. 

Also, for some reasons, I have been having a lot of feelings of “LOSS” episodes...why now? I can,t move forward, and there is no going back. 

Comment by Marsha H on May 21, 2018 at 4:24pm

Mary.Jane ...  You have been a busy girl!  I have lots of things that I think are of value and I scrutinize them and look what I can up on Google.  If you have vinyl records for instance that are fairly old check it out as they can be worth something.  I have several.  Long process checking things out, but worth it.  

With Bob hoarding all the more reason to tread carefully as I'm sure some of what he has bought is worth something.  I bought a Jade ring cut like a diamond at an antique store for $40 and I took it in to be appraised and the jewelry there was astonished to see the rarity of the cut and the ring is much more expensive than I bought it for.  

Men's tools that are old are a rarity.  Just some hints for you.  Hope it helps.  

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:57pm

(By “unbearable to be in the garage” ,I meant the HEAT,not the bugs LOL)

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:53pm

Well, both my items have bids!  One is so cool, I really hate to sell it..but there is SOOOO much stuff lying around the house that my daughter and I kept to sell...the rest of it went as follows: we took about 20 huge boxes to my SIL to sell at a garage sale, and we donated at LEAST that many boxes to the Goodwill...there is one a few blocks from my house. It took us four trips.

my daughter will be here next WED to go through 2 closets, and the last 20boxes from the attic that we were too burnt out to finish. Unfortunately, summer has come early here in OK, the spiders are in the garage, and we will have to sort the stuff in there around 6 am b4 it gets unbearable just to b out there. 

Bob was an artist, and we have big bookshelves with hundreds of books on artists...that I might try to donate to schools or libraries, but we have to check each one for nudity...this is Oklahoma, and you can buy a GUN at any local store, and carry it around, but anything vaguely sexual is a NO NO! 

During about 20 years of our marriage for fun, we would go to garage sales...and junk stores, and BOb mostly would buy ALL this stuff that through researching books (there was no internet then) he would buy things he thought would “be worth something, someday”. This was his way of preparing for the future. But, It got to the point of hoarding. So I have no attachment to most of this stuff..but researching it takes forever..AND, when we go thru the boxes, every once in awhile, I found something that was ours..like a glass bowl we had on our coffee table when we first got married....which I am keeping..that part is very hard.

unfortunately, the antique market has really TANKED!  I don,t know what people are buying lately, but even the Antique Roadshow mentioned stuff is selling for HALF the price it would have 10 years ago. So I just have to hope for the best.

sorry, I DIDN,t mean for this post to be so long. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 1:21pm

Yes, Sara...that was exactly what I thought, and was going to mention it. I KNOW it was BOb!

Comment by deborah peck on May 18, 2018 at 11:45am

Mary Jane, yes I have discovered that he isn't in the physical sense anymore but hes still with me always. Sorry to hear about the washing break down, its all these little things that should be so simple but aren't. Good luck on your ebay sales, let us know how it goes.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 18, 2018 at 11:35am

Debbie.....I'm sorry your trip wasn't as you expected.  I am happy that you were at least able to feel him hug you.  Those moments are so precious.

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 18, 2018 at 11:32am

Mary Jane......It's quite possible the reason for your printer trouble was Bob trying to get your attention so you would notice the error.   Good luck with your Ebay sales.  I'm glad you're off to a good start.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 7:41am

Oh, Deb, I am so sorry..but I know Greg was really there with you...u just couldn,t feel him cuz u were so anxious. 

Wed was Bobs birthday...and I DID feel him, and so did my daughter in California. She had a bit of a breakthrough last week and is finally talking about him. 

But a weird thing happened last nite..I was washing a few of his button Down Hawaiian shirts that I kept, cuz they had “ closet grunge” from hanging there so long...and last night when I was hangin the clean shirts I realized that I had done this for him for 48 years...and this was the first time I preformed this chore since he died...and I kinda caved with a huge sense of loss.

i think we have to remember..they aren,t in places anymore, they live in out hearts, and always will. 

.

.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 18, 2018 at 7:33am

Thanks Marsha..weirdly, that is exactly what happened about the printing the document from the lawyer...I spent all last weekend stressing over the printing...nearly ran out of ink I printed it so much...but while I was reading it...I began to understand it more...and I realized they had made a HUGE ( I mean REALLY huge mistake..in the 2 pages of the header...) Now I have heard that lawyers can be arrogant, especially if you point out something that is REALLY wrong..so I struggled for days, then finally sucked it up cause I finally understood it, and emailed him and pointed out the mistake. To my JOY I was vindicated when he replied YOU ARE CORRECT!  If I had filled it out, notarized and sent the original form, it might never been noticed, and would have held up the entire court case. So he had to redo the form, resend it, and I got it in the mail yesterday!

Meanwhile, my daughter wanted to help me with the printing on Sunday, but I told her NO...this was the day I had reserved to list a few things on EBay...I had to stop the legal thing and focus on learning to sell stuff again, or I would throw myself in another bout do Epatien Barr...things and formats had really changed in 10 years...AND I DID IT! I listed 2 items on EBay I was sure would sell, and they both have bids!!!!  So now I can finally move forward and sell all this crap I found in the 70 boxes of stuff we found in the attic. 

 

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